Hold On
by TheBeautifulNerd
Summary: Lily has been feeling unwell for a while but she's determined not to have a single day off work. When her symptoms slowly start to worsen though, she realises that she may need to mention something to someone.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a story idea that has been in my head for a while now. I've done quite a bit of research on it and I shall continue to do the research but at long last, I'm posting it. Enjoy the first chapter x**

Chapter One

It was seven o'clock on a Monday morning. Lily woke up to the sound of rain hammering against her bedroom window loudly. She groaned and rolled onto her back, yawning as she tried to find the energy to get out of bed. It was like lying in a nest of warmth, and she really didn't want to get out into the cold and uncomfortable world.

She was usually fine in the morning. Sometimes she'd even wake up two hours before she needed to, just to get some extra studying in, so she wasn't sure if she was coming down with something or if the weather just had a bad effect on her. She lay in bed for a few minutes and thought about Connie's reaction if she phoned in sick. Picturing the day she could have if she stayed at home, though, the disappointment from Connie might be worth it. All day she could simply laze around in bed with a good paperback and some hot drink, not having to get dressed or enter work to deal with vomiting patients and whiny complainers. The idea of staying at home and not needing to work seemed like a small slice of heaven right now.

No.

Lily berated herself for even considering the possibility of having a day off. She couldn't do that. She had never had a single day off sick and she wasn't going to start now.

She took a deep breath and groaned as a sudden pain shot through her abdomen. She held a hand to her aching stomach and waited until the pain had subsided. She was starting to worry about what the pain was, but checking the time on her phone, she had no time to worry, not if she wanted to get in early.

Lily began making her way into the bathroom to take her usual morning shower. After her shower, she wrapped a towel around her clean body and made her way back into her bedroom to get dressed. She kept on yawning as she rummaged through her drawers for a pair of clean jeans, wishing that she could just go straight back to bed. The rain outside was getting heavier and louder and she really did not want to go out into it.

She coughed and slipped on the pair of jeans along with one of her favourite jumpers. Something to keep her warm at least. She stood up from the floor and grabbed the report that she'd written for Connie along with her backpack. Lily always tried to make sure that she ate breakfast after that time she fainted in the ED, but she really did not feel hungry that morning. Instead, she just grabbed a glass of water to keep hydrated.

The pain was still there, lingering and occasionally getting stronger, but she tried her best to ignore it. She must have slept funny in the night, or maybe she was coming down with a bug. She was sure that her period wasn't due yet, so it couldn't be that, could it? Whatever it was, she didn't fancy dealing with it.

She put her empty glass in the sink, grabbed her coat and keys and left the house, determined to get to work early. She locked her flat, checking it was closed three times, and stepped into the cold air. It was still dark outside and rain poured down onto the flats and houses in the street. She slipped the hood of her coat up and climbed onto her bike, ignoring the rain sliding down her back which was causing goosebumps, before pulling out of her space and driving off to Holby.

The ED was busy as usual. Lily was one of the first ones to arrive so she treated herself to a coffee, before going to find Connie in her office so that she could give her the report. Connie was more than impressed; she had worked hard on a report that Connie didn't actually ask her to write. Lily felt a glow of pride at Connie's face and was very glad that she had dragged herself out of bed for this.

"Has this been published before?" Connie asked her, skim reading the report.

"It hasn't been done here," Lily told her. "But yes, there are other papers out there."

"Thank you." Connie smiled at her and gave her a gentle nod. "I look forward to reading this. Good work." Lily nodded back and went to exit the office, the pain was coming back again, but Connie called her back. "Are you feeling okay?" She questioned the junior doctor.

"Yes, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily answered politely. "Why do you ask?"

"You look very pale," Connie stated. "You're not overworking yourself again, are you?"

"No, Mrs Beauchamp." Lily shook her head. "I just didn't sleep very well last night. The rain was keeping me awake."

"Right." Connie nodded. "You better get on with your shift, then. I would like you to work in cubicles today with Doctor Hardy, I have no doubt that you'll do an excellent job. You always do."

Lily appreciated the compliment from Connie. It really meant something to her.

She left the office at once and headed over to the reception desk to grab some patients' notes from Noel and Louise. She glanced at them through the lenses in her glasses and walked into the cubicle in which her patient was lying in. Ethan was already making a head start on her.

"Doctor Hardy," she spoke and gave him a small smile. "It's good to see that I am not the only one who likes to start work early."

"Well, to be fair I...I was on an early shift anyway," Ethan said as he nervously adjusted his glasses. Typical Ethan, avoiding to accept her attempt at a compliment. "Are you okay? You look rather pale."

"I wish tat everyone would stop asking me that," Lily replied wearily. "I am fine so just let me do my job."

"I'm just concerned," Ethan said and gave a small shrug. With a sigh, he got back to discussing the patient. "Anyway, this is Jade. She got caught in a very serious house fire and has some pretty severe burns on her hands."

"Okay, those burns will need dressing," Lily said professionally. "How did the fire start?"

"I...I was making some toast," Jade stammered, tears forming in her shiny blue eyes.

"Really?" Lily asked bluntly. "Are you sure this wasn't just some insurance scam?"

"Lily!" Ethan's voice raised, his eyes widening at her shocking accusation. "We can't just jump down people's throat and accuse them of starting fires on purpose."

"Is it not our job, Doctor Hardy?" Lily said smartly and shrugged her shoulders at him.

"It wasn't on purpose!" Jade sobbed and turned to talk to Ethan, clearly trusting him more. "I swear."

"O...Okay..." Ethan nodded at her, his kind eyes looking into Jade's in attempt to calm her. "Have you got anyone that you can stay with for the time being?"

"Yes," Jade replied tearfully. "Yes, I...I have a few friends that I can stay with."

"Okay well as soon as we dress those burns, you should be able to go home this afternoon," Ethan told her softly.

"Thank you," Jade sniffled. "Thank you so much."

"Doctor Chao," Ethan sighed lightly and turned to his friend. "Could you please get her discharge papers?"

Lily sensed that Ethan was trying to get rid of her after the way she had spoken in front of the patient. She walked out and went to head upstairs but stopped in her tracks when she reached the lift and saw a sign on it that said it was out of service.

Typical. Lily swore that the lift was broken more times than it was working efficiently. Why they didn't just fork out for a new one, Lily couldn't fathom it.

Lily sighed and breathed heavily, wincing as a sudden pain hit her abdomen again. She had no choice but to take the stairs. She winced, as even the thought hurt.

"Are you okay, Chuckles?" Iain asked, strolling over with his hands in his pockets. "You look like a lost, little lamb."

"I'm fine," Lily whispered and gestured to the sign on the wall. "The lift's out of order."

"Ahh, yes." Iain nodded his head and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. "Is that a problem then? Did you lose the use of your legs overnight or something?"

"Don't be stupid," Lily hissed. "My stomach just hurts, that's all."

"Well," Iain chuckled to himself. "Why don't I carry you? Bridal style?"

Lily shook her head and scoffed, as she walked past Iain and slowly began to walk up the stairs.

It wasn't easy and by the time she reached the top, she felt out of breath. She leant against the wall at the top of the stairs with a hand to her stomach and coughed, trying to catch her breath. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so bad.

Lily glanced at her watch and shut her eyes for a few seconds. Only nine more hours to go, she sighed.

 **I'll update as soon as I can. Thanks for reading x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: Thank you :-)**

 **LittleBritishPerson: I'm glad that you're enjoying the story. Loads more to come and you will soon find out.**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Thanks for reviewing.**

 **Tanith Panic: Indeed but weirdly, I can see Lily saying something like that in the actual show haha. Thanks for reviewing and there will be more sympathetic Connie to read about.**

Chapter Two

Out of all shifts, this one was dragging the most. Lily couldn't wait until she was due to go on her break.

She still wasn't feeling one hundred percent, and she also had a book stashed away in her locker that she was dying to read. She was on chapter four and it was beginning to get very exciting. Luckily the staffroom was empty so she curled up on the sofa and started to read, trying to ignore the continued aching pain in her abdomen. She was definitely coming down with something; she had helped out in resus earlier and she felt so out of breath by the time she had finished treating the patient.

She was halfway through her book, completely in a world of her own, when Connie walked in. Lily could tell straight away by the look on the Clinical Lead's face that she was in trouble. Connie had her arms folded and her lips pursed. There was another look in her eyes, though, a look of concern.

"Right," Connie sighed and quietly shut the door. "I think you need to go home."

"Why?" Lily questioned her and slowly shut her book. "I'm okay, Mrs Beauchamp."

"Well, let's see," Connie said, looking at her watch. "You have been in here way over an hour."

"Sorry," Lily apologised. She'd only just noticed that she should have gone back to work quite a while ago. "I lost track of time."

"A patient has also put in a formal complaint against you," Connie said, biting her lip. "And let's just say that I am not the only member of staff who has noticed that you're a little off-colour. Doctor Hardy has come to me and so has Iain."

"A formal complaint?" Lily's eyes immediately widened and she started to fear the worst. "What did I do?"

"She didn't like the way you spoke to her," Connie said. "Said that you had an attitude and that you accused her of setting fire to her own house. You should know by now, Doctor Chao, that you do not jump to accusations of any sort. If that was really what you thought, then you should have spoken to myself or Doctor Hanna regarding the matter."

Lily felt sick and her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. Disappointed and ashamed tears pricked her eyes but she quickly blinked them back so Connie wouldn't see her cry.

"I've asked Doctor Hardy to write a statement seeing as he was there to witness the incident," Connie said. "Look. I know that you said you're fine but in all honesty, you don't look it. Now, I've appreciated the fact that you've come into work and I will take a look at the report you wrote up for me but I think you need to go home and start fresh tomorrow."

"Mrs Beauchamp..."

"No arguments," Connie interrupted. "I'll call you a taxi. I think it will be safer if you leave your bike here, don't you?"

Connie left the staffroom before Lily could say anything else, leaving her alone and crumpled faced.

The young junior doctor winced as she moved position and felt more pain shoot through her abdomen. She felt hot, which was odd considering it was almost nine degrees outside. She sniffed and stood up with her book under one arm and quickly composed herself before heading back out into the ED.

* * *

It felt odd returning home in the middle of the afternoon. Lily unlocked the front door of her flat and slowly made her way into the deserted hallway. She locked the door behind her, removed her shoes and hung her coat up on its peg.

Lily walked into her kitchen to grab a glass of water that she could take back to bed with her. She sipped it slowly as she walked along to her bedroom and climbed into bed, still in the jumper and jeans that she had put on earlier that day. She didn't have the energy to get changed, she just wanted to bury herself under the covers and slip off into hibernation for the winter.

Secretly, she felt pleased that Connie had sent her home. Even though she'd gotten a formal complaint put in against her, all she wanted was to lay down and that was all.

She had some more of her water and set it down on her bedside table. Lily suddenly found it hard to breathe and started coughing and spluttering, picking up the cup and had another sip to try and stop herself from choking. The droplets of water just fell from her mouth as she continued to struggle with getting her breath back, feeling panicked and her anxiety rising.

She set her cup back down, almost knocking it on the floor with her trembly hands, and held both of her hands to her mouth. She felt worse than she had done in a long, long time. Removing her hands from her mouth, she panicked when she spotted a tiny spot of blood on the palm of her right hand.

"Crap," she muttered under her breath.

Panic rushed through her body as she coughed again. More blood appeared on her hand. She removed the duvet from her legs and dragged herself out of bed and along to the bathroom. She raced to the sink and glanced at her reflection in the mirror, mouth wide open to check where the blood could have been coming from. Her gums appeared to be bleeding, quite heavily as well.

"Get your act together," Lily scolded herself and squeezed some toothpaste onto her toothbrush.

She stood directly in front of the mirror and made sure to give her teeth a good brush, anything to stop the bleeding. She anxiously perched herself on the edge of the bath and removed the toothbrush from her mouth. There was blood on the bristles.

She debated ringing into the ED and asking if someone could give her a check-up, but she didn't. She couldn't get admitted as a patient when she was one of the best doctors in that place, how stupid would she look?

Lily stood up and gave her toothbrush a wash before placing it back on the side of the sink. She made sure to fill up her water cup and headed back to bed to try and get some sleep. The fact that blood had just emerged from her mouth worried her more than anything. Her night was filled with tossing and turning, a horrible feeling in the back of her mind that something wasn't right.

Lily woke up around three o'clock, realising that she had slept through the entire afternoon as well as dinner. Still, she didn't feel hungry. She just felt tired, hot and sore. She lifted her head gently and touched her face with her hand. Immediately, heat hit her skin and loose bits of hair dangled around her and stuck to her sweaty face. Why was she so hot? She checked the time on her phone and saw that she'd received a message from Ethan at around 6:30pm.

 _I hope you're feeling better. See you soon x_

He was such a sweet friend to her and she had to smile at his effort of making sure that she was okay. She decided not to reply straight away, seeing as it was way too early, but just lay down to take in what Ethan had said to her. He had been so disappointed with her earlier and that made her remember the patient that was putting in a formal complaint against her. God, how could she have been so stupid? Still, Ethan wasn't cross with her and that was the main thing.

She felt her eyes droop and she lay her weary head back against the pillow. She was asleep in seconds, too tired to worry anymore.

 **Well, there is the second chapter. Enjoy x**


	3. Chapter 3

**CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you :-)**

 **Guest: I'm glad you like it. Enjoy the next update.**

 **Tanith Panic: She does and you will soon find out what's going on with her. Thanks once again for your kind comment.**

Chapter Three

Lily ended up sleeping through her alarm that morning. She opened her weary eyes and caught sight of the time flashing up on her mobile.

It read 9:57am.

She cursed to herself and flung herself out of bed, racing through to the bathroom. She coughed into her hands, feeling overpoweringly sick, and noticed that she was still coughing up small specks of blood. She couldn't risk taking another day off work, though, especially after that woman complained about her. She needed to face up to what had happened.

* * *

"Mrs Beauchamp," Ethan said and opened the office door halfway. Connie was sitting at her desk, rifling through shedloads of paperwork. "I uh...I've typed up that statement you wanted," he said nervously and placed the sheet of paper on the desk.

"Thank you," Connie sighed. "I shall have a look into that."

"Have you not got Lily to write a statement?" Ethan asked and Connie shook her head. "Well, shouldn't you have her side of the story as well, I mean, so you have the facts right?"

"Doctor Hardy, who is in charge around here?" Connie asked. "I will decide where we take this, thank you."

The door opened and Lily strolled in. Her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, bags sat neatly under her eyes, she was already dressed in her scrubs and her stethoscope hung around her neck. Although tired and still not her normal self, she was clearly ready to get stuck into work.

"Doctor Chao," Connie said. "I have to say that I wasn't expecting you in today. You're late."

"I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily apologised. "I missed my alarm. Then I had to wait for a taxi because I had left my bike here."

"Sorry, I would have given you a lift," Ethan offered. "But you never replied to my text."

"The one that you sent last night?" Lily asked. "I'm sorry. I had gone to bed and I didn't see it until around three o'clock this morning."

"No, I sent you another one this morning," Ethan said, giving her wide eyes of concern. "Asking if you were back at work and if you needed a lift."

"Oh, I...I haven't had time to check my phone, to be honest," Lily admitted.

"What were you doing awake at three in the morning?" Connie asked, tilting her head to one side and giving Lily one of her famous glares.

Lily shrugged her shoulders and tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear. "I just woke up," Lily aaid quietly. "I'm really sorry about yesterday, Mrs Beauchamp. I still have a slight cough but I'm feeling loads better. Honestly."

"If I see one sign of unprofessional behaviour, then you're out," Connie said, pointing a finger at her. "Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mrs Beauchamp." Lily nodded and put on a fake smile. "I understand. Thank you."

Lily turned on her heel and went to exit the office. "Doctor Chao!" Connie called her back before she was out of earshot. "Not so fast. We're not done here." Lily sighed and waited for Connie to continue. "Doctor Hanna and I have been speaking and I would like to send you out on location with Dixie and Iain next week."

"Why?" Lily frowned at her and stepped closer to the desk.

Connie paused for a few seconds and looked towards Ethan who was leaning against the wall with his hands in his pocket. "Doctor Hardy, don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Oh, right, sorry," Ethan said and smiled at Lily, before walking out and shutting the door behind him.

"As I was saying..." Connie sighed and looked back at Lily. "We've had a chat and although your bedside manner has improved immensely, there's...Well, there's still room for improvements. Last time when you went out with Jeff and Dixie, Zoe noticed a change in you and she thinks that it could be a good idea for you to have that experience again. I've spoken with Iain and he's agreed."

"But I don't understand," Lily's voice shrunk.

"It isn't a punishment," Connie told her. "You're a brilliant doctor, Lily, but I think everyone needs some extra training, don't they? I have purposely scheduled it for next week in case you still weren't feeling very well, so that will give you plenty of time to catch up on your sleep and get better."

"Okay." She nodded and tried to hold her tears back. Her stomach churned. "May I be excused now, Mrs Beauchamp? My throat's quite dry, I wanted to grab a drink before I started my shift."

"Don't be long," Connie said, knowing that it was highly unlikely for Lily to admit that she didn't feel well. "If there are any problems, come and find me."

Lily said nothing and hurried out of the office. She headed to the girl's bathroom and locked herself in a cubicle, suddenly feeling like she was going to be sick. She knew that she'd never live it down if she went and vomited in Connie's office so she just had to get out of there as quickly as she possibly could.

She turned and started vomiting straight into the toilet, coughing and spluttering whilst gripping the sides of the seat. She whimpered and wiped her mouth with one of her shaking hands. She coughed again and with a quick glance, realised that she had actually just vomited blood.

"Shit," she cursed and flushed the chain. She closed the toilet seat and slumped back onto it weakly, wishing that she could stay hidden in the cubicle for the rest of the day.

She still felt hot and as if she was going to pass out any second. She tried to take deep, slow breaths and hoped that she wouldn't throw up again at any point during the day. She couldn't afford any more time off. She waited to see if she felt like she was going to be sick again, luckily feeling better, before walking over to the sink and rinsing some water on her face. She then walked out into reception and sat down at the computer to do some research.

"Hey, Lily," Rita said, friendly as usual, and strolled over to the junior doctor. "Are you feeling better?"

"Hmm, thank you," Lily said. She bit the side of her lip, contemplating whether to ask before the words just blurted out of their own accord. "Would you say that coughing up blood is a serious matter, Staff Nurse Freeman?"

"Well, of course," Rita laughed. "Come on Lily, you should know that."

"I was just wondering," Lily said, trying to hide her worry. A tightness gripped her and a small panic raced through her mind.

"Why do you ask?" Rita asked her.

"Oh." Lily shook her head and folded her arms across the desk. "Just a patient."

"If you're sure," Rita said, giving a small smile before turning and walking off to deal with a vomiting patient. Lily sighed, and held a hand to her face, shaking her head and wishing everything would just get better on its own.

 **I'm actually so happy with the stories that I'm writing at the moment (which is rare for me to be honest, lol). I feel like my writing has improved a lot over the last couple of months and it's extremely helpful to have a beta reader to fix all of my grammatical errors as well. Thanks for everyone who's read, reviewed, followed and favourited.**

 **Even if my updates are slow, I will try to update one of my stories at least once a week. I have choir and drama later so I'm not sure if I'll be able to get this chapter up today or not. We'll see :-) x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Tato Potato: Thank you for your review and we'll soon see :-)**

Chapter Four

A week passed and Lily still wasn't feeling herself.

There were times when she'd feel better and decide that it wasn't worth worrying over, but then there were times where she'd go back to vomiting blood and feeling light-headed. It was admittedly quite scary to feel this way.

She was constantly tired and she'd recently found bruises up and down each arm, unaware of how she actually got them. Convincing herself it was just because she had easily bruised skin, she decided to focus her attention elsewhere, rather than worrying. Typically, she began to feel worse when she had to go out on location and get trained by Dixie and Iain.

They arrived at the scene and Lily hopped out of the back of the ambulance and saw the collapsed building before her. Someone was inside, badly injured from falling debris. It was dusty and the ground was littered with stray bricks and ruined possessions.

Lily coughed the dust away and quickly held a hand to her mouth. She quickly uncurled her fingers to see more specks of blood on the palm of her hand. She gulped and felt the colour run from her face. Her vision blurred and everything in front of her began to spin. Her heart was racing, but she tried not to let it show on her pale face.

"Lily? Are you alright, love?" Dixie asked, rushing over to the junior doctor when she saw her face lose colour.

"Hmmm." Lily gave a small nod and whimpered a tiny reply. "I'm fine."

She coughed into her hands again and Iain came to join them. He noticed the blood on Lily's hands and his eyes widened.

"I don't think you should be going in there," Iain said. "Dix. Make a headstart, would you?"

"By myself?" Dixie asked, still unaware of the blood that Lily was coughing up. "You better not be flirting with our junior doctors, mate?" And she winked at him before heading inside the house.

"I'm going to have to call some more paramedics," Iain mentioned, shaking his head at Dixie before turning back to the junior doctor. "Lily, we need to get you back to the ED and checked out."

"I'm okay," Lily reassured him tiredly.

"You're not, though, are you?" Iain said, placing his hands on her shoulders and gently sitting her on the back of the ambulance. "How long have you been coughing up blood?" Lily didn't say anything. "Answer me, Lily!"

"A...A while..." Lily whispered, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. "I don't feel good."

Iain knew that it was bad when Lily actually admitted to feeling unwell. He kept his hands on her shoulders and she suddenly fell forwards into his arms and started fitting. Iain immediately went into panic mode but managed to pull his mobile out of his pocket. He lay Lily down on the road beside the ambulance and quickly moved her to the recovery position, his mobile balanced between his left ear and shoulder.

"Louise, it's Iain!" He shouted down the phone, whilst trying to keep Lily calm and stable. "Please. I need more paramedics out here. I could do with Mrs Beauchamp as well, it's urgent. No. Lily's fallen ill, she's really sick Lou, so please just tell Connie and send some more people out to help. Now. Thanks."

He hung up the phone and stuffed it back into his jeans pocket. "Lily, it's okay, I've got you," he soothed, as she slowly stopped fitting. "Just stay nice and still for me. Help is on the way, I promise. You're going to be okay, you're going to be okay."

Lily's eyes blinked wearily but she didn't say anything. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she coughed out some more blood onto the road. Iain grimaced and held her hands tightly to try and comfort her. Even if Lily Chao didn't want to admit it, he knew that she was scared.

"Do you feel sick?" Iain asked, voice shaky. Even though he dealt with fits and ill people every day, it was still hard to see Lily in such a bad way, despite not being extremely close with her, he still had a small soft-spot for the junior doctor "Come on princess, I'll need to sit you up or you're going to choke. Hey, I might have a bucket in the ambulance, alright? You can use that."

He gently helped her sit upright and kept an arm wrapped around her waist. She'd stopped coughing for the time-being so he stayed with her until Connie and the other paramedics arrived in the other ambulance. Iain sent the paramedics in to help Dixie with the casualty whilst Connie raced straight over to him and Lily.

"What happened?" She asked and crouched down in front of Lily. "Lily. I thought you were feeling better." She sounded stern but also concerned.

"She's really sick," Iain said. "We need to get her checked out."

"What happened, Iain?" Connie practically shouted, hating the vague conversation. She needed to know the details, and now.

"She was coughing up blood," Iain sighed. "And then she had a seizure."

"Blood?" Connie's eyes widened. "Lily. Has this happened before?" Lily faintly nodded her head wearily. "Why did you not say anything? You should know how serious that is. I'm going to ring Charlie and see if we can get a room prepped, she's going to need examining."

"I feel sick again," Lily complained weakly.

"She's really pale," Connie said, as she held her phone to her ear. "Lily, what are your symptoms?"

"I don't know," she whined and shrugged her shoulders, even though it was a struggle to stay awake. "I've just been really tired, I've not had much of an appetite and I...I keep getting this pain in my abdomen."

"Okay." Connie nodded with a sigh. "We'll get you checked out."

* * *

"How's she doing?" Charlie pounced on Connie as soon as they arrived back at the ED. "I have a cubicle all prepped and Zoe has agreed to help treat her as well. I'm keeping everyone away and out of sight, for now, and they can treat the other casualty when Dixie brings them in."

"Thanks, Charlie." Connie nodded at him as Iain lifted Lily into his arms bridal style. "Get her straight to a cubicle, Iain."

The paramedic agreed and carried Lily into the ED before following Zoe into the cubicle that had been set up. He gently lay her down on the bed, eyes filled with concern and kindness, and Zoe got straight to the examination.

"I want to go home," Lily sobbed uncontrollably, just as Connie and Dylan walked in. "I want to go home!"

"I know, darling," Zoe said. "But we need to have a look at you. Just lay very still for me." She placed the stethoscope on her chest and whispered, "She seems breathless." She helped Lily sit up slowly and placed it on her back as well, before gently feeling around her waist. "She's lost quite a bit of weight as well. Lily, open your mouth for me." Lily did as she was instructed and Zoe glanced inside her mouth, nodding to herself. "Just as I thought, your glands are pretty swollen there. We're going to have to take a blood sample."

The doors opened and Robyn and Louise entered, both staring in shock at Lily on the bed.

"Is she okay?" Louise asked, her lip quavering.

"Get out, both of you," Connie ordered.

"What happened?" Robyn panicked.

"Out!" Connie raised her voice. ""The best way you can help her right now is to just leave. We'll let you know later."

The two of them nodded in unison and Louise wrapped an arm around Robyn, as they left together.

"Could you get that sorted for us?" Connie asked Dylan, referring to the blood test. "And we'll need to have the results back as soon as possible. This has gone on long enough, I'd rather not wait weeks to hear back."

"Sure," Dylan said and made his way over to Lily in silence, unsure of what to say to her. So, the silence stayed over them like a heavy cloud, just their thoughts running free. Lily bit her thumbnail, wiping the tears from her eyes, waiting in painful suspense for the needle to prick her skin.

 **So what's going on with Lily then? Find out in the next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ruby Elliot: Thank you :-)**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: Me too. I'm sure that she will though.**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you so much. I'm glad that you think I'm a good writer.**

 **Tanith Panic: Connie will show more of her soft side. Thanks for reviewing.**

 **Guest: You'll soon find out :-)**

Chapter Five

"You have a very high number of abnormal, white blood cells," Connie said to Lily as she stood beside her bed. "Which as you know is usually a sign of Leukaemia. Now, I don't want you to worry, not until there's a proper diagnosis, but we will be referring you to a haematologist. Okay?"

Lily gulped and looked at Connie with tears in her eyes. Connie didn't have to explain everything to her, she already knew the procedure, but at the same time she wanted her to tell her everything. She wanted to hear every little detail.

"Then what?" Lily whispered.

"Well," Connie sighed. "The haematologist will carry out a bone marrow biopsy. You'll be put under anaesthetic and it won't be a long procedure. She'll then take the bone marrow sample away for testing. If cancerous cells are present, the biopsy can also be used to determine the type of leukaemia you have. You'll feel pretty sore and rubbish afterwards but you shouldn't need to stay in overnight and the results should take a few days."

"So I definitely have it then?" Lily croaked out, her voice weak from desperately trying not to cry.

Connie hesitated for a few seconds and crouched down beside Lily's bedside. "We think so," she eventually answered. "Lily, why didn't you tell us that you were coughing up blood? That's extremely serious, sweetheart."

"I didn't think it was a big deal," Lily said weakly and gave a small shrug. "Am I going to be okay?"

"Of course," Connie said and stroked her hair. "We will do everything in our power to make sure that you are. Besides, you're Doctor Lily Chao and she is the strongest person I know. All right?"

Lily faintly nodded her head and only just managed a small smile.

"Could you do something for me?" Lily asked shyly.

"Sure," Connie agreed. "Anything. What is it that you need?"

"The others need to know," Lily said in a soft, childlike voice.

"Lily, you haven't even been diagnosed with anything as such," Connie said. "Not properly anyway. How about we wait until we get the results of the biopsy, yeah?"

"They need to know what's going on, though," Lily said sadly. "Please tell them, Mrs Beauchamp."

"Connie!" Zoe called and walked into Lily's cubicle, interrupting the moment between Lily and Connie. "The haematologist is on the phone for you."

"Great," Connie said and turned to Lily for a second. "I'll let them know," she whispered and squeezed her hand, before walking over to Zoe. The two of them left together and Lily rolled onto her side, tears continuing to stream down her face. "Hello, Mrs Beauchamp speaking," she said, holding the phone to her ear. "Yes. Lily Chao. That would be brilliant, okay? Yep. I will bring her straight up. Thank you."

"What's happening then?" Zoe sighed, as soon as Connie was off the phone.

"They want us to take Lily straight up for a bone marrow biopsy," Connie said and ran a hand through her hair. "I can't believe that this is actually happening."

"It seems unreal, doesn't it?" Zoe whispered. "How's Lily taking it?"

"I don't know." Connie shook her head. "She's hardly speaking. Grab Max for me, would you? We're going to have to wheel Lily upstairs. Also, could you do me a favour and let the others know what's going on with Lily?"

"Of course." Zoe nodded and gave her a sad smile. "Anything."

* * *

"Could everybody gather round please?" Zoe asked later, as she gathered everybody around the reception desk. "I have a little bit of an announcement, something that you will all need to hear."

"Where's Mrs Beauchamp?" Robyn asked.

"She's upstairs with Lily at the moment," Zoe said. "As you're all probably aware, Lily has been rather unwell lately and she went downhill a couple of hours ago whilst she was out with Dixie and Iain."

"Is...Is she okay?" Ethan panicked, eyes widening as he began to wring his hands.

"We're not quite sure," Zoe said. "We did a few tests and there was a high number of abdominal, white blood cells."

"Could we maybe not use medical talk right now?" Max asked, frowning at Zoe in confusion.

"Sorry," Zoe laughed weakly. "The thing is, she may have a type of Leukaemia. I know it's scary and not what anyone wants to hear but you need to try and think about how Lily is feeling. She's currently in for a bone marrow biopsy and hopefully that will figure out if any of the cells are cancerous."

"And what if they are?" Louise questioned, biting her lip anxiously.

"Then we're going to help Lily get better," Zoe said. "Has anyone got any questions?"

"Can...Can I see her?" Ethan stuttered, trying his best to hold back his tears.

"Not right now," Zoe said. "She's under anaesthetic and once she wakes up, she won't be feeling too good so I think it's probably best to leave visitors for the time being."

"When should she get the results back?" Cal asked, edging closer to his trembling brother to pat him on the back in reassurance.

"In a few days hopefully," Zoe said. "I think Connie's going to make sure that we hear something sooner rather than later."

"What about treatment?" Robyn asked.

"That really depends..." Zoe said. "On if she's fit enough to have chemotherapy. If not, then she may get treatment at a lower dosage. We'll all see what happens when it comes to it."

"We should get her a card," Robyn whispered and sniffed, as tears stung her eyes. "Just to let her know that we're thinking about her."

"I think that's a lovely idea, Robyn," Zoe said. "I'm sure she'll appreciate that. Is everyone okay?"

There was a group of nods and muffled voices, as everyone slowly got back to their duties, no longer in the mood to work, but having to do so anyway. Each and every one of them were worried about Lily, even if they never liked her that much. The guilt was hanging in the air from bad-mouthing the junior doctor. Even though Lily was officially an 'ice queen' she didn't deserve anything like this to happen to her.

"Doctor Hanna," Ethan spoke quietly and walked over to Zoe. "Um...Lily is going to be okay, isn't she?"

"Yes, Ethan," Zoe promised him. "I can assure you that Lily will be absolutely fine."

 **Bit of a shorter chapter. I've been out all day so I'm sorry that the update is rather late.**


	6. Chapter 6

**CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you :-)**

 **ruby-elliot: That's a good idea. Thank you :-)**

 **A familiar face will make an appearance in this chapter, not necessarily from Casualty but a lot of you will recognise her.**

Chapter Six

"Acute Myeloid Leukaemia." Connie paused for a second as Lily blinked. "A mild enlargement of the spleen was present which would explain the abdominal pain that you've been feeling, and some of the affected cells had spread to the central nervous system, which caused the seizure. We are going to get this treated, though, okay?"

Lily had no idea what to say to the news. She was stood in Connie's office with Connie, Zoe and the haematologist and they'd just received the results from the bone marrow biopsy. What was she supposed to say? She kind of guessed that the bad news was coming, she just didn't expect to receive it so soon.

"We're going to have to start treatment," Connie said sadly. "As you know, it can spread pretty rapidly. We'll get you sent up to the cancer ward and we can get you started on chemotherapy straight away."

Lily was shaking. Now that Connie had mentioned the 'C' word, it all seemed so real.

"Doctor Hanna and I will be between the wards and the ED so you'll still have our help and support," Connie added. "You're not alone in this, Lily. You're going to get better."

"A bed has been prepped for you already," the haematologist mentioned. "So we can head upstairs when you're ready."

"How are you feeling?" Connie asked, realising that Lily hadn't said a single word.

Lily just gave a small shrug.

"Well, how about you and I head back to your place and grab some things?" Connie said, quieting slightly, standing up from her desk. "We can talk then, just the two of us." Lily stayed silent and Connie placed a hand on her shoulder and turned to Zoe. "Would that be okay?"

"Of course," Zoe said sympathetically. "I can keep things running here."

"Come on," Connie said to Lily and rubbed her back. "Grab your keys and we'll get going. We can go in my car."

* * *

Lily unlocked the door of her flat and stepped into the quiet hallway. Connie followed and shut the door behind her, taking a moment to look around Lily's place. It was exactly like Lily's personality; neat and tidy.

"You play the cello?" Connie asked, her eyes diverting to the cello that stood in one corner of Lily's bedroom.

"Yes," Lily replied quietly. "I've been playing since I was eleven."

"Are you any good?" Connie asked and perched on the end of Lily's bed.

"I like to think so," Lily sighed and flopped down next to her.

Lily just looked around her room silently and Connie watched her, trying to read her thoughts. It was useless, though, she wasn't able to tell what Lily was thinking unless she actually spoke to her.

"How are you doing?" The Clinical Lead asked.

"I'm not sure," Lily whispered and turned to make eye contact with Connie. "I'm scared."

"That's understandable," Connie said softly. "But you will beat this."

"What if I don't?" Lily asked. "I'm twenty-eight, Connie. I've barely lived my life. It's not fair."

"I know," Connie said. "And believe me, you do not deserve this."

"I feel like I do," Lily admitted. "I'm an awful person. Nobody in that ED likes me, I feel like I'm being punished for the way I've treated my colleagues."

"Don't say that, Lily." Connie shook her head. "You're not being punished. I promise, and as soon as we start this chemotherapy, the sooner you will get better. Hey, you're strong, aren't you?" Lily managed a small smile and gave her a nod. She knew that Connie was only trying to make her feel better but it wasn't really working. "Come on, what are you going to take to the hospital with you?"

"I don't know," Lily said and walked over to her chest of drawers. On the top was a photo of Lily when she was a child, at the park with her parents. "My parents will need to know," she said and turned to face Connie. "What if I die and they never even knew I was sick?"

"You are not going to die!" Connie practically shouted. "And we will phone them, don't worry. We'll tell them."

"I kind of want to take this," Lily said and showed the photo to Connie.

"Okay," she whispered. "How about you find a bag and I'll pick out some clothes and pyjamas for you to take, okay?"

Lily nodded her head and kept hold of the photo, her watery eyes on the small faces of her parents. She found a bag to take to the hospital with her and shoved the photo inside along with clothes, pyjamas, slippers and some books to keep her occupied as well. The drive back to Holby Hospital was silent but as soon as they arrived, Connie helped Lily out of the car and the two of them headed up to the wards where Lily was due to start her treatment.

"Connie," a voice said and Connie turned round to see an old friend standing behind her.

"Jac Naylor," she greeted and folded her arms across her chest. "This is a pleasant surprise."

"I could say the same about you," Jac said. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here with Lily, our junior doctor from downstairs." Connie whispered and rubbed the back of her neck. "Acute Myeloid Leukaemia."

"I'm sorry," Jac apologised and smiled at both Connie and Lily. "How about I check if the room is set up? Then I'll go and see who will be treating her."

"Thanks, Jac," Connie said. "I'm going to be staying with Lily through quite a lot of her treatment so you'll probably be seeing a lot more of me."

"Well, the ward hasn't been the same since you left," Jac said and gave Connie a small wink, before walking away.

"This brings back memories," Connie said to Lily. "Being back on the wards."

"I bet," Lily whispered to her. "Mrs Beauchamp?"

"Hmm?" Connie asked, looking towards her.

"Thank you," Lily said quietly. "For...for being there."

"My pleasure, Lily." Connie said, smiling at her as they walked down the corridor together.

 **So what did you all think of Jac's surprise appearance? I hope you liked it. The next chapter will probably fast forward but only by a few days. Stay tuned :-)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: Me too. Jac is awesome and yeah, that's exactly what she needs.**

 **Tanith Panic: Thank you, I'm glad that you did. Yeah, I do think that Lily feels bad for what she did to Alicia. She's learnt her lesson.**

 **Agirlwithagreatpotential: Me too! She's my favourite character in Holby City!**

 **So I'm off sick today and I thought that I'd try and update a story. Luckily I don't have the winter vomiting bug but I have lost my voice.**

 **Anyway December hits this week and I've decided that I'm going to write a small Christmas story based around Lily and Ethan at Christmas. It might be a twelve parter because of the twelve days of Christmas. I'm going to try and post the first chapter on December the 1st if that works out, so stay tuned for that :-)**

 **I'm trying a new thing where I'm going to post a story on every single holiday so; Christmas, Valentines Day, Halloween, Easter etc. Let's see if that works out.**

Chapter Seven

It was seven o'clock and the night shift staff were just on their way home. Lily was sat cross-legged on her bed with a bucket in her lap and Connie sat in the chair next to her, rubbing small circles up and down her back to try and comfort her. The junior had been throwing up all night, so Connie was there to make sure she was okay just in case the vomiting happened again. Lily just coughed and spluttered into the bucket and nudged Connie's arm away weakly.

The door to her room opened and Jac walked in.

"How's she doing?" She asked and stood at the end of Lily's bed.

"Not too good," Connie sighed. "She's been up all night."

"That's just the chemo," Jac stated.

"I know!" Lily snapped and looked up from the vomit ridden bucket. "I'm a doctor as well, you know?"

"Well, I didn't have to come and check on you," Jac chuckled quietly. "But you have a visitor downstairs who want to see you."

"No visitors," Connie sighed and shook her head. "She's in no fit state to be seeing anyone."

"Connie, it's been three days," Jac said. "Why don't we let Lily decide whether she wants to see her friends? She may be sick but she's able to make decisions on her own."

"They aren't my friends," Lily groaned with her head in her left hand.

"Oh really?" Jac asked. "Then how come..." She paused and glanced at her watch. "In the last three days since you were first admitted to this ward, every single member of staff from that ED has come up here asking to see you?" Neither Lily nor Connie spoke and Lily just wiped at her mouth with her sleeve. "Yep. Answer that one for me."

"They just want to rub it in my face," Lily whispered. "I'm finally too weak to talk back to them and I don't want anyone to see me like this."

"Look, am I sending Ethan away or not?" Jac sighed, beginning to lose her patience.

"Ethan's here?" Lily sniffed and her eyes widened. Jac nodded at her. "I want to see Ethan. Please."

"Lily, are you sure?" Connie asked. "You've hardly slept all night and you're still being sick."

Lily faintly nodded her head and whispered, "I want to see Ethan." She then turned to Jac and asked, "could you send him up?"

"I'll go and see if he's still here." Jac smiled and exited Lily's room.

"Finished?" Connie asked and Lily gave her a nod. Connie gently took the bucket and went to empty it and clean it out at the sink in the room. "Maybe you could try and take a little nap later," Connie said, as Lily lay back down under the covers. "You look exhausted."

Lily didn't say anything and her eyes closed briefly, as the door opened again. This time, instead of Jac, Ethan walked in. Lily managed a small smile and Ethan slowly and nervously made his way over to the side of her bed. He sat down in the seat where Connie had been sitting and set his bag down on the floor at his feet. He looked scared and like he almost wanted to burst into tears at how weak and ill Lily looked.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," Lily whispered back in a croaky voice.

"Uh...How...How are you feeling?" He stammered.

"Not the best," Lily answered, ending with a cough. "How are you? How's work?"

"You're unbelievable," Ethan chuckled and fiddled with his sleeves. "That's all you're thinking about?" Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "Well, it's okay I suppose. Everyone's missing you. Oh, that reminds me."

Ethan reached down and unzipped his bag. He brought out a box of chocolates, a teddy bear and a card.

"These are from everyone in the ED," he said gently and placed them on the bed beside her.

Lily didn't say anything. She just looked at the teddy bear and slowly lifted the chocolates, the thought of eating them just made her stomach churn. She sighed and opened the 'get well soon' card and saw that everyone had signed it, even Louise who didn't like her much at all. She swallowed back the lump in her throat, determined not to cry, then set the card back down on the bed.

"Lily," Connie said and walked over, after washing out the bucket. "Are you okay?" She asked, placing it at the foot of the bed in case Lily felt the need to throw up again.

"Fine," she lied convincingly. "Thanks, Ethan, they...They're nice."

"You don't have to eat the chocolates now," Ethan said. "Maybe when you're feeling better, yeah?"

"Yeah," Lily croaked and pulled the covers up to her chin before rolling onto her side so that she was facing away from Ethan.

"Thanks for coming, Ethan," Connie said. "But I think Lily's a bit tired. She didn't have a very good night." Ethan nodded at Connie, knowing that that was his queue to leave. "Lily. Ethan's going to get going now, all right?" Lily said nothing, though.

"It's okay, Mrs Beauchamp," Ethan whispered. "Thanks for letting me visit and I really hope she gets better soon."

"She's getting there," Connie said. "Thanks for coming."

"The others are probably going to wonder when they can visit," Ethan said, as Connie showed him to the door. "What do I say to them?"

"I'll be in touch," Connie sighed. "Thanks for the gifts as well. I'm sure she appreciates them."

Ethan nodded and glanced across at Lily who looked sound asleep, before exiting the room.

 **Thanks for reading x**


	8. Chapter 8

**CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you. Enjoy the update.**

 **Tanith Panic: They weren't, I can't imagine that Lily is in the best mood for eating. It does and I think it did help in a way. Thanks for reviewing.**

Chapter Eight

"Why were you allowed to visit her?" Robyn asked as she and Louise chased Ethan through the reception of the ED. "The card was my idea and when I tried to take it to her, I wasn't allowed. What makes you so special?"

"And I know that Lily and I were never friends but I would still like to visit her," Louise added.

"Guys!" Ethan shouted and turned to face the two of them, holding his hands defensively above his head. "I don't know, okay? Jac just told me that Lily wanted to see me, that's all. I don't know why she wanted to see me and no one else, but she did."

"Who's he?" Louise asked.

"Jac Naylor," Robyn sighed. "It's a woman. She and Mrs Beauchamp used to work together on the wards, Jac still works there."

"I just...I..." Ethan began stuttering. "I cannot believe how selfish the two of you are being right now. Why not try thinking about how Lily feels, hmm? It isn't as if she's got a normal everyday stomach bug. No. She has Leukaemia and she was up half the night vomiting because of the chemo. I don't think she'll really be feeling up to seeing anybody right now, do you?"

As he spoke, tears pricked his eyes and Louise and Robyn realised how they had actually come across. Ethan held his hands to his face and let out a silent scream as more and more tears filled his eyes.

"We're sorry, Ethan," Louise apologised. "I um...I'll get back to work." She gave him a weak smile and awkwardly walked away, not quite sure what else she could do.

Robyn, however, stayed where she was. Ethan looked as if he could do with a friend.

"Is...Is Lily really that bad?" Robyn asked softly. Ethan just leant back against the wall and nodded, his lenses steaming up with the amount of tears that he was producing. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I just...I want her to be okay and I'm scared that she won't be. I just wanted to see her, before...Anything happens you know? I just..."

"Don't," Ethan whispered and shook his head. "You deserve to see her. You were one of the few people who was actually nice to her in this place. I'll speak to Mrs Beauchamp, okay?"

"Did she like the card anyway?" Robyn asked. "And the gifts? She's not really a teddy bear person and I guess if she's being sick then she won't want to eat the chocolates but..."

"Don't," Ethan said and gave her a small hug. "She loved them so thanks for organising that, okay?"

"What's going on over here?" Zoe asked and strolled over to the hugging pair, completely interrupting their moment. "Is everything okay?" She asked, noticing Ethan's sudden tear-stained face. "Ethan?"

"I'm fine," Ethan choked out and quickly wiped his cheeks clean with his sleeves. "I um...I just went to see Lily, that's all."

"Right," Zoe whispered and nodded, understanding that it must have been a difficult matter. It was bound to be difficult for everyone. "Do you need to have a chat?" She offered but Ethan shook his head. "Come on, we can go somewhere private."

"Go on, Ethan," Robyn whispered. "It wouldn't hurt."

"Sure," Ethan agreed quietly and gave Zoe a small nod.

"Charlie!" Zoe shouted over to Charlie who was having a chat with Cal about one of his patients. "I'm just going to go and have a chat with Ethan about something. Look after things here for me?" Charlie nodded back and Zoe placed a hand on Ethan's back, before leading him off to Connie's office. "This is probably the most private place," she sighed and shut the door behind them. "Take a seat."

Ethan thanked her quietly and sat down on the sofa. Zoe smiled sympathetically and took a seat next to him.

"It must have been difficult," Zoe mentioned and Ethan nodded whilst picking anxiously at his nails. "I didn't think Lily wanted any visitors, though."

"For some reason, she wanted to see me," Ethan sighed. "And I kind of regret going, to be honest. It was horrible."

"Connie said that she was having some pretty bad reactions to the chemo," Zoe said and shrugged her shoulders. "That's only natural, though, people react differently to it."

"It's not that," Ethan sighed and he could feel himself on the verge of tears again. "She just looked really sick. She looked weak and she could hardly fit her sentences together and it just wasn't the Lily Chao I first met when I started working here."

"It's come as a shock to us all," Zoe said. "What Lily needs is her work colleagues looking out for her right now. Don't let her see you so upset."

"That's quite hard when Lily refuses to see anyone," Ethan said quietly.

"Well, she saw you, didn't she?" Zoe asked and Ethan nodded. "Start her off slowly. Now that she's seen you, she might agree to see some of the others as well. Give it a few days and I'll speak to Connie. We could maybe see about taking a group trip up to the wards and giving Lily a little 'get well' party in her room."

"Lily doesn't do parties," Ethan chuckled, knowing his friend all too well.

"I think she might secretly like this one," Zoe said and gave him a wink. "Have you had your break yet?"

"Yeah," Ethan sighed. "That was when I um...Went to see Lily."

"I don't count that as a break," Zoe said. "Take another one. Why don't you pop along to the shop and see if there are any nice balloons or banners that we could decorate Lily's room with? I'll take care of everything else. We'll have a proper little party and we can look at doing it during the evening, just as the night shift staff are starting."

"Are you sure about this?" Ethan asked.

"Absolutely." Zoe nodded. "We could all do with something to cheer us up and I'm sure that it will make Lily feel ten times better as well. Go on, go and pick out some nice balloons for our junior doctor."

Ethan nodded, smiling at Zoe weakly, and got up. "Thank you, Dr Hanna,"

"Zoe will do," She smiled back, watching as the registrar nodded, wiping his eyes and regaining composure before heading out to hunt for balloons for his sick friend, giving her a grateful look as he left.

As soon as Ethan had gone, Zoe let out a breath. She had to blink quickly before she ruined her mascara with her held-back tears.

"Why does it always happen to the good ones..." Zoe whispered to herself, thinking of Lily. "No...right. Pull yourself together, Zoe." She got up, straightening her skirt and then following Ethan's example by pushing a brave smile onto her face and getting back to work. Sitting around and crying wouldn't make a difference. However, throwing a brilliant party for the poor junior doctor would, so that's what she planned to do.


	9. Chapter 9

**CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you :-)**

 **Guest: Thanks. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.**

Chapter Nine

Lily was propped up in bed, flicking through the television channels. There wasn't much on at all and she was bored out of her mind. She eventually settled on The Wizard of Oz, even though it was already halfway through.

She sighed deeply and lay her head back against her pillows, glancing across at the teddy that the ED staff had bought for her. She had never been fond of stuffed animals, even when she was a child, but it was a generous thought and probably the best gift she'd ever received. She smiled to herself and picked the bear up, clutching it to her chest to try and give herself a tiny bit of comfort.

Connie then popped her head round the door and said, "You have visitors."

Lily quickly shoved the bear under the covers so that Connie wouldn't notice and replied, "I don't want to see anyone."

"Come on, I think you'll like this," Connie said, smiling a little.

Lily knew that she wouldn't like it. Ethan was an exception. She didn't want to see anybody else, mainly because she didn't want them to see how weak she looked. She ran a hand through her hair and gulped as a small strand of it came off in her hand. She sniffed and quickly shook it onto the floor, wondering what was worst. Death or chemo.

Suddenly loud voices were heard and everyone from the ED burst into the room, literally everyone. Zoe, Tess, Dylan, Cal, Robyn, Rita, Lofty, Ethan, Charlie, Louise, Noel, Max, Iain and Dixie. By the time everyone had crowded into the room, you couldn't see the floor. Each and every one of them wore party hats and carried carrier bags full of food and party supplies. Connie followed close behind, a massive grin on her face.

"What's all this?" Lily whispered in shock.

"It was Zoe's idea," Cal said and blew on a party blowout.

Robyn laughed and set a party popper off, causing tonnes of brightly coloured streamers to fly everywhere.

"Think of it as a little 'get well soon' party," Zoe said and leant over to give Lily a gentle hug. "We won't stay long," she sighed. "Connie said that you might be tired."

"So who's running the ED exactly?" Lily asked, smiling at the kindness of them throwing her a party, but of course still concerned about the ED.

"None of us are working nights tonight," Cal said. "So the night shift staff are on. We're all here to take care of you instead."

"Thank you," Lily whispered, feeling herself blush.

"Are you hungry?" Max asked, sitting in one of the chairs with a half eaten box of sausage rolls. "We weren't sure if you were eating much but we bought food anyway."

"I'll have one," Lily said, taking one from the box and popping it into her mouth.

"Did you like the gifts then?" Robyn asked and took the seat nearest to Lily's bed.

Lily nodded and said, "I haven't started on the chocolates yet, and I'm keeping the bear in my bed." She reached under the covers and pulled the bear out to show Robyn that she did appreciate her presents.

"How are you feeling?" Louise asked quietly.

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not really sure," she answered. "I haven't been sick in a while. I'm just tired and don't have much of an appetite." She turned to Max and added, "although that sausage roll was nice, thank you."

"You're so lucky," Robyn said, without thinking. "You just get to lay in bed, stay in your pyjamas, and watch whatever you want."

"What are you watching anyway?" Max frowned at the TV.

"It's The Wizard of Oz," Zoe said, wrapping her arms around Max's waist. "Have you never seen this movie?"

"Can't say I have," Max smiled as Zoe planted a kiss on his cheek.

"What's wrong, Lily?" Robyn asked, noticing that Lily had gone all silent.

"It's nothing," the junior doctor whispered and shook her head. "It's just...You're right I guess, I...I suppose I am lucky."

"Oh, Lily." Robyn bit her lip anxiously. "I didn't mean it like that."

"She knows you didn't," Ethan piped up and placed a hand on Robyn's shoulder. "Hey Lily," he said, determined to change the subject and he handed her a bag. "We've bought you some books and DVD's that we thought you might like. We thought you might be bored."

"Thank you," Lily said, looking at them. "That's...That's nice."

"Are you okay, Lily?" Connie asked.

"I'm fine." Lily nodded, smiling convincingly. "I'm just tired. I don't feel very well."

"We can leave," Zoe said.

"Yeah," Noel agreed and shrugged his shoulders. "We could always have the party another time."

"No, you guys can stay," Lily told them. "Honestly. I don't want to be a burden so if you all want to stay then you can."

"Well, you really don't seem up to it, darling," Rita said. "We don't mind going."

Lily ran her hands over one of the books that was in the bag and her stomach churned. "I...I feel sick again," she groaned and looked to Connie for support. Connie nodded and stood up, handing the sick bucket over. Lily nudged the bag of books and DVD's away and clutched the bucket in case she started to throw up.

"It's just a bit overwhelming, isn't it?" Connie spoke softly and stroked at Lily's hair comfortingly.

Lily kept hold of the bucket and nodded at her.

"Do you think you're going to throw up?" Connie asked.

"I'm not sure," Lily replied. "My stomach just feels funny, that's all."

"Alright, darling." Connie soothed. She looked over to the staff, who were perfectly contented eating the food and mucking around, before clearing her throat loudly and obviously. They got the hint.

"Uh, see you later, Lily." Robyn patted her shoulder, smiling sympathetically. "And I'm sor-"

"Robyn-" Louise stopped her. Robyn smiled shyly at Lily before leaving the room.

They all exchanged their goodbyes. Lily couldn't help but notice the sympathy in some of her colleagues faces as they left. She felt sort of like a basket case, and she was unsure if she was okay with that. It was a sad thought that several of her colleagues had cried over her cancer, especially Ethan and possibly a few others.

"You alright, Lily?" Connie asked, discreetly opening her chocolate box and popping one into her mouth. "Finally, peace and quiet."

"I'm...okay," Lily smiled, lying, but wanting the fuss to die down. "And I liked the visits...it was nice." It had been. Lily felt included in all the banter and happiness, it was more than nice. She felt part of the family. She couldn't help but wonder whose idea it had been.

"It was nice, wasn't it?" Connie smiled softly at the junior doctor.

"Very," Lily smiled, fiddling with the bedsheet.

This time, despite her churning stomach, the smile was real.

 **Sorry it's been a while. I've had a pretty bad couple of days so wasn't in the mood to update. I'm feeling better though and I finally managed to write this chapter :-)**


	10. Chapter 10

**CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you. I'm the same, I'd had a bad couple of days anyway and then I completely lost my voice. I can talk again now but I'm still coughing.**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: It does and I think she needs all the support she can get right now. I love teddy bears when I'm not feeling well, haha.**

 **Tanith Panic: Thankfully I'm feeling better, my friend hadn't been very nice at the time and I had a sore throat anyway so just felt like spending all day in bed. I tried to make it into a happy chapter if I could.**

Chapter Ten

"What do you think it's like?" Louise asked randomly as she and Noel stood behind the reception desk. Noel just scoffed and shook his head, as he couldn't help but feel annoyed with Louise. She'd hardly done anything whilst he answered phonecall after phonecall. When Noel didn't reply, Louise sighed and added, "I mean, going through chemo."

"I'd rather not think about that, Lou," Noel told her. "It isn't exactly a nice thing to experience, is it?"

"Lily's bound to lose her hair, isn't she?" Louise said quietly. "I feel so bad. I've been horrible to her and now she's lying in a hospital bed."

"That's why I always told you to go easy on her," Noel said. "Lily was never the easiest person to get on with and there were a lot of people who didn't like her. You never know what's going to happen to a person, though, that's why I always try and be nice to everyone." He smiled from ear to ear and turned to the next patient. "How may I help you, Miss?"

"Of course," Louise sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Excuse me?" A woman asked and walked over to the desk to speak to Louise. A man followed close behind. "Excuse me?" She repeated.

"You're going to have to join the queue," Louise said and gestured to the long line of people behind the desk. "We don't make any exceptions, I'm afraid."

"No, we are visitors," she said in a strong Chinese accent, gesturing to herself and her husband. "We need to see our daughter. I was told to report to Mrs Beauchamp."

"Again, join the queue," Louise said sternly. "When it is your turn, I will give her a ring."

"Louise!" Connie called, as she walked over. "I've got this," she said and turned to the woman. "Are you Sandra and Oliver Chao, Lily's parents?" The woman nodded. "It's nice to meet you. I am Mrs Beauchamp," she said and shook hands with her. "If you'd both like to come with me and I will take you to see Lily."

"You're Lily's parents?" Louise asked. "Sorry, you...You should have said. I wasn't aware."

The couple just glared at Louise, clearly not happy with the attitude that they had been given, before following Connie up the stairs.

"You see?" Noel, who had witnessed the whole thing, chuckled to himself. "You need to be a bit nicer to people."

* * *

"Thanks for coming in," Connie said, as she walked through the wards with Sandra and Oliver. "I understand that you're both busy and that it wasn't the best news to have received. It's probably come as quite a shock, hasn't it?"

"We just want to see our daughter," Oliver said, sounding slightly choked up.

"How is she?" Sandra said, seeming anxious and extremely nervous. "How's she doing?"

"She's doing okay," Connie said. "She slept for a few hours this morning and she's managed to have something for lunch, so she's been doing really well. You should be proud of her."

Sandra nodded and wiped a few tears from her eyes, as Connie pushed open the door to Lily's room.

She was propped in bed, watching something on TV, eyes fixated on the screen. Cards and balloons covered the place and she had her head resting on the bear that the ED staff had bought her. A lap tray with an empty bowl and glass sat at the foot of her bed.

"Mum," Lily coughed, her eyes widening. "Dad."

"Darling," Sandra squealed and ran to give her a gentle hug.

"Let me move this for you, sweetheart," Connie said, removing the tray from the bed and placing it down on the floor.

Lily smiled thankfully at her.

"What are you doing here?" Lily asked her parents.

"We came as soon as we heard," Sandra cried and took hold of Lily's hand. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I can't believe that this is happening to my little girl." Lily smiled awkwardly, sensing the fact that Connie was still in the room. "You're going to be okay. You know that, right?"

"Grandma died of cancer," Lily whispered softly.

Connie overheard and looked up from what she was doing, trying to pretend that she hadn't heard.

"You're not going to," Sandra said and turned to her husband. "Say something to her, Oliver."

Oliver shifted from one foot to the other, unable to find his words. He didn't know what to say to his daughter, the two of them had never been entirely close, not even when Lily was a child.

"We...We're proud of you, Lils," he said and gave her a small smile.

"You've never said that to me before," Lily lowered her voice. "Dad, if you don't want to be here..."

"We do want to be here," Sandra said, squeezing Lily's hand even harder. "We love you. You are our beautiful daughter."

"She isn't a child, Sandra," Oliver spat.

"He's right, Mum," Lily whispered and pulled her hand away. "Besides, I'm not beautiful." She sniffed and tears began to roll down her cheeks, as she turned back to her mother. "I'm losing my hair already."

"Only small bits, you've got a long way to go yet," Sandra laughed, trying to make a joke out of it. "I'll bring you a wig next time, yeah?"

"I know you're trying to make me feel better and I do appreciate that," Lily sighed. "But it isn't working."

"Don't worry about your looks too much, Lily," Connie said. "Just focus on getting better, yeah? Hair loss is natural during chemo. It happens."

"She has a right to worry about her look," Oliver said angrily. "How can you stand there and tell her that? Are you supposed to be a doctor?"

"I am Clinical Lead of the Emergency Department, Mr Chao," Connie argued and folded her arms across her chest.

"Then what are you doing up here?" Oliver questioned her.

"Mr Chao, I just so happen to be Lily's boss," Connie mentioned. "She needs support right now and that is what I'm giving her. Your daughter isn't well and right now, she needs her parents, no matter how old she is. At the end of the day, she is still your daughter."

"She's right, Oliver," Sandra said. "Lily needs us right now."

"I just can't do it," Oliver whispered and ran a hand through his hair. "My mum was bad enough, and now...Now my daughter."

"I'll be okay, Dad," Lily reassured him, even though she wasn't convinced if she'd make it or not. "I promise."

 **A bit of a sad chapter there with Lily's parents finally visiting her. Of course, Sandra and Oliver aren't the real names of Lily's parents but it is Fanfiction afterall. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Tanith Panic: She did. Louise hasn't got the best customer service. Me too, she needs her parents there for support.**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: Me too :-)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you. Enjoy the update.**

Chapter Eleven

Days passed and Lily was starting to feel like crap.

For once, she couldn't try and deny it. After vomiting twice one afternoon, she changed into a pair of clean pyjamas and settled down under the covers whilst Jac examined her. Sensing that she wasn't having an overly good day, Connie held Lily's hand whilst Zoe stood and watched. Neither woman could believe how sick Lily looked; she was losing more and more of her hair, she looked constantly weak and tired and was attached to numerous tubes.

"Well, you seem to be responding well to the treatment," Jac said. "Keep this up and you'll soon be into the second stage. That means that you'll be able to go home and continue your treatment on an outpatient basis."

Lily just nodded, feeling too tired to argue.

"That's good news," Zoe said, far too brightly, trying to make Lily feel better.

"I think it's best if we keep Lily here for as long as possible, Jac," Connie said, giving the junior doctor's hand a small squeeze.

"Why?" Jac shrugged. "If she's responding well to treatment, what's the point?"

"She's open to infection, Jac," Connie said. "I've been a doctor for a lot longer, I think I know more about these things." Jac scoffed and shook her head, lips pursed together.

"Please, let's not argue, alright?" Zoe said and took a few steps towards her bed. "The good news is that the chemo is working, isn't that right, Lily?"

Lily nodded and kept hold of Connie's hand, not wanting to let go. Having people there comforted her, she hated being alone in her room in case something was to happen. She hated the feeling of throwing up, the feeling of not knowing whether she was going to survive or not. Having people around her not only comforted her, but it distracted her.

"Oh darling, don't look so down," Zoe said. "I wish that there was something we could do to cheer you up."

"Can I go outside?" Lily whispered in a choked up voice. "Please."

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Connie said. "What did I just say to Jac?"

"Don't snap at her, Connie," Zoe whispered. "It can't be easy, cooped up in a hospital bed for weeks on end. It isn't that cold and she can wrap up warm anyway, one of us will be with her."

"She's not going outside!" Connie snapped and stormed straight out of the room.

"I feel sick again," Lily whispered and quickly wiped a few tears away from her eyes, clutching her stomach and feeling it churn.

"One of us should go after her," Zoe sighed, looking towards the open door.

"You go," Jac said and gave the consultant a washed out smile. "I can stay with Lily."

Zoe gave Jac a thankful nod and left Lily's room to go and find Connie. As she left, she heard Jac and Lily laughing and smiled at how wonderful she had been during Lily's illness.

Zoe found Connie sitting on a bench, a few doors down from Lily's room. She sighed and sat down next to her in silence. Connie's hair was covering her face, and her breathing was uneven and slightly ragged. She wiped her eyes as soon as she realised Zoe had joined her.

"Why her?" Connie asked quietly and shook her head. "Why Lily?"

"I know," Zoe said softly. "Trust me, I've been asking myself the same question."

"She hasn't even reached her thirties yet," Connie whispered brokenly.

"I know you're scared," Zoe said, speaking for Connie because she knew her well enough to realise that she was terrified inside. "But keeping Lily a prisoner in a hospital room is not going to make the Leukemia go away. She's a fighter Connie, and Jac said that she's responding well to the treatment so far. A lot of people create a wish list after being diagnosed with Cancer. Now, Lily hasn't done that but this is just one wish that we could make happen for her. She just wants to go outside, to see the world, to get some fresh air, and to feel like a normal person again. Connie, we can make that happen."

"If...If she goes outside..." Connie whispered in a small voice. "Anything can happen."

"That isn't what you're really worried about, is it?" Zoe said. "You know, as well as I do, that five minutes wouldn't hurt."

Connie didn't say anything.

"Speak to me, Connie," Zoe encouraged.

"It'll just make it seem real," Connie said. "She's dying Zoe, and a lot of people around here are just treating it as if she has the flu. No one is actually thinking about what might happen."

"We must not think like that," Zoe said. "Lily's a tough cookie. Yes, we don't know what's still to come, but Jac said she's responding well, that's good news. Right? If Lily gets released from the hospital, she will still be continuing with treatment and we'll only release her if she's well enough. You know that, Connie."

"I know." Connie nodded her head in agreement, looking calmer and appeased by Zoe's words.

"Come on," Zoe said. "Let's go make her feel normal again. It will only be for five minutes but it'll be five minutes that Lily will remember."

Connie sniffed and wiped away the remains of her tears. She nodded and the two of them stood up and made it back to Lily's room. Lily was smiling and laughing as Jac talked to her but her smile immediately faded as Connie and Zoe entered the room.

"Right," Connie sighed and strictly crossed her arms. "Come on you," she said with a smile and gave Lily a small wink. "We're going outside."

"Really?" Lily asked, her eyes widening.

"We're not going to be long, though," Connie said, walking over and helping Lily to sit up. "You okay? Need me to lift you?" Lily shook her head and Jac brought a wheelchair round for her. "Thanks, Jac," Connie said, holding Lily's hand whilst helping her sit down in the chair.

"Thank you," Lily whispered shyly. "Can we go now?"

"Coat!" Connie said sternly and grabbed Lily's coat, before helping her out with putting it on.

"I can do it," Lily said defiantly, although she still felt weak and tired and struggled with that simple task.

"I know you can but let me help you?" Connie said, holding her hands up. "Just this once." Lily burst out crying in frustration, tossing the coat onto the hospital floor. "Come on now, there's no need for that," Connie said, picking the coat back up to slip on Lily. "You're fine. Everything's fine."

"I just want everything to go back to normal," Lily's chest was heaving with the force of the sobs that she was trying to control. "I want to be able to do things for myself and...And go outside whenever I want."

"I know, darling," Connie said. "Come on, you're just having one of your bad days but this will make you feel better, won't it? Zoe had to do a lot of convincing so I would thank her if I was you."

Lily eventually managed to stop sobbing so much, calming down. Weakly, she nodded and smiled across at Zoe, mouthing a very small thank you at her.

Zoe smiled back at her and said, "you're very welcome."

* * *

Lily and Connie were sat on the bench outside the ED, Lily's wheelchair sat nearby for when they headed back inside. Lily had the tubes up her nose which Connie hated to see. It looked so uncomfortable for her and she wished that she could rip it straight off, she just wished that she could magically wave a wand and make Lily better. Unfortunately, things weren't that easy. Lily had a blanket wrapped around her and was snuggled up to Connie to keep warm, smiling at the lovely weather. The sun was shining and it was as if it was arranged specially for her.

"You will tell me if you get too cold, won't you?" Connie said, rubbing small circles up and down Lily's back.

Lily nodded wearily and said quietly, "you worry too much."

Robyn and Louise came out at that moment with Cal following, and it was as if someone had told them that Lily was outside the ED entrance.

"Hey, look who's up," Cal said and sat himself down on the other side of Lily.

"It's just for a little while," Connie said. "Please try not to crowd her too much." She turned to Lily and sighed, "you've been bored, haven't you?"

"Is she okay?" Robyn asked anxiously.

"She's just had a few rubbish nights," Connie said. "She won't be feeling too grand."

"Still," Robyn said. "You get to spend all day in pyjamas and slippers, that must be great." Lily managed a small smile and nodded, as Robyn whispered, "get better soon, Lily."

"Yeah, get well," Louise agreed quietly, and the two of them both headed inside.

"I should get back to work as well," Cal said and gave Lily's arm a rub. "Hey, you take care of yourself yeah? I'll send your love to Ethan and I'll come and see you soon." And with that, he gave her a gentle hug and went back to work.

"That was nice of them, wasn't it?" Connie said as Lily leant in further as if to hug Connie. "Are you okay? Are you cold?"

Lily shrugged and whispered, "I'm going to die, aren't you?"

Connie looked quite taken aback when she said that. "Wait a minute...Where's this coming from?" She asked.

"They were being too nice," Lily said. "People aren't nice to me, Mrs Beauchamp. But they can see it, I'm going to die and they don't want me on their conscience. Right?"

"Look," Connie sighed. "Look at where you are, Lily. Outside. Where you begged me to be. Because you know you're going to make it through this. Even Jac said that you're responding well to treatment. You will beat this. You, Lily Chao, are a fighter."

 **So that was a long chapter and I had lots of inspiration for it as well. I listened to Fight Song by Rachel Plattern, and Sara Beth by Rascal Flatts. I also watched the beach scene from My Sister's Keeper and that helped a lot too.**

 **I don't have much experience with Leukemia and I am doing as much research as I can for it, as I want the story to be realistic. If you do have any tips or advice then please leave a review or send me a PM. I'm not overly sure what goes on during Chemo to be honest so I'm trying to research.**

 **Thanks for reading and I'll update as soon as possible.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"Do you fancy going?" Louise asked as she and Robyn stared at the computer screen in unison. "I've always wanted to go on a cruise and we both have a couple of weeks off over Christmas. Besides, that's a good deal."

"Won't it be weird?" Robyn asked. "I mean, aren't cruises for couples usually?"

"Not always," Louise said. "My mum went on a cruise one time with a bunch of her friends. Come on, we'll have a blast."

"I don't know, Louise," Robyn said. "It just seems wrong going on holiday whilst Lily is going through...That."

"We can't just not live our lives because Lily is ill," Louise says. "That may be the most selfish thing I have ever said, but it's true. We could do with a distraction anyway. What do you say? Should I book the tickets?"

Robyn hesitated for a bit before sighing. "Sure. Go on then."

"Let's just hope that Mrs Beauchamp doesn't ask us to work over Christmas," Louise said, as she tapped away on the computer. "I will not be happy."

"Just book the tickets," Robyn laughed.

* * *

"Do you want another one?" Ethan asked, and held the box of chocolates out to Lily. Lily swallowed the gooey caramel that she was eating and shook her head. "More for me then," he grinned and popped another one into his mouth.

"You can have them if you want them," Lily laughed. "I haven't had much of an appetite at all lately."

"Jac said that you could go home soon, though," Ethan mentioned. "Right?"

"Not exactly," Lily sighed. "She said that if I carry on like this then I'd be able to home and continue treatment on an outpatient basis. I don't know if I want that."

"Why?" Ethan frowned. "It can't be much fun being cooped up in here. I thought you wanted to go home."

"I did," Lily whispered. "I really did, but now I'm scared to go home in case something bad happens."

"Like what?" Ethan leant forwards in his chair so that he was able to hear Lily's answer properly. "Speak to me, Lils."

"What if I...What if I fall really ill and no one is with me?" Lily asked in a small voice. "What if I have a seizure? What if I...What if I die?" She gulped and held back her tears, as she slowly glanced across at her friend. "I'll be all alone, at home, instead of in hospital..."

"That isn't going to happen, Lily," Ethan reassured her and rubbed her shoulder. "You'll have support and you'll have regular appointments for treatment."

"But what if it does?" Lily asked sadly. "I have a right to be scared, Ethan. I know that I've been trying to look brave and strong but...But inside, I'm terrified."

"Well..." Ethan shrugged his shoulders. "Can't you stay with your parents for a bit?"

"They have the restaurant," Lily told him. "And they're often going away on business trips. Besides, Dad won't want me back home anyway."

Ethan nodded faintly, noticing the scared look in Lily's eyes. He wished that there was something he could do to help her, but maybe there was. He mentally kicked himself for not thinking about it before.

"Why don't you stay with Cal and I?" He suggested.

"What?" Lily's eyes widened.

"We have enough space," Ethan said. "You'll be with people, people you know and people who will be able to help you if you're not well. You won't feel alone and you can stay for as long as you like."

"I don't know if Cal will agree to that," Lily said. "We've never had the best friendship, have we? That's your place, I don't want to be invading."

"You won't be invading," Ethan said. "And I'll talk to Cal but I'm sure he'll be fine with it. You've been getting along with him recently, right? He's been really good to you."

"Everyone's been good to me," Lily scoffed. "Only because I'm sick."

"That's not true," Ethan said. "We all care, Lily. I would like you to stay with us and I'm sure Cal will like it as well. What do you say?"

Lily nodded with a smile and said, "thank you, Ethan. That's really kind of you."

"Maybe when you come home as well, we could hire a movie and order a take-out," Ethan said. "Just the two of us." He gave her a small smile, which she quickly returned. "I'm proud of you, Lils."

"Thank you," she whispered.

The door to Lily's room opened and Connie walked in. "Am I interrupting?" she asked, slowly stepping further into the room, whilst shutting the door behind her. Lily shook her head, just as Ethan was about to nod. "I need to take a quick sample of blood, just to check if the chemo is working properly. Jac's currently tied up with a few other patients but she's given me permission to do it."

"I hate needles," Lily pointed out.

"You're a doctor," Ethan chuckled.

"I'm okay doing blood tests on other people," Lily mentioned. "When they're done on me, then I'm not that great."

"Don't worry." Connie shot her a comforting smile. "You trust me, right?" Lily nodded weakly, as Connie rolled up her sleeve and got herself prepared. "Okay, just look at Ethan if you don't want to watch. I shall insert the needle in three seconds. One...Two...Three."

Lily quickly turned her head, as the needle entered her skin. She winced at the feel of it and found herself reaching for Ethan's hand. Ethan gave her a smile and squeezed her hand.

"All done," Connie said, removing the needle. "Well done. You did really well."

"Connie?" Lily asked. "Ethan said that I could stay with him and Cal when I get out. That's good, right? I will be getting out."

"We will have to see," Connie said and gave her a gentle hug. "But I'll tell you a secret. You've been doing well so far so I don't see why not." And she winked at Lily. "We are all super, super proud of you. How are you feeling?"

"Okay." Lily nodded at her. "Today's a good day."

 **I'm sorry I haven't updated much this weekend. I have been really busy andg rather low. I hope you liked this chapter though, it was a bit shorter than my other ones unfortunately.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Guest: Thank you :-)**

 **Tanith Panic: I just feel bad when I don't update in ages. I hate watching needles go into my arm and yeah I think it was as well, Lily may feel comfortable giving injections but it doesn't necessarily mean that she likes having them herself.**

 **Some chapters will be a time skip, just to make things clear.**

Chapter Thirteen

Soon came the time where Lily was allowed to be discharged from hospital.

Connie held on tight to Lily's arm and helped her walk through the door of Cal and Ethan's flat. Ethan greeted them at the door, happy and excited to have Lily staying with them for a while. Cal just hovered awkwardly in the doorway of his bedroom, both hands stuffed into the pockets of his jogging bottoms. Lily still looked really ill and he didn't know what to say to her; she'd lost weight and she wore a bandana around her head, probably to hide the fact that the chemo had caused her to lose some of her hair. She was smiling though and it was as if she hadn't spent most of her days in hospital.

"You can sleep in my room, yeah?" Ethan said. "It's all set up for you. I'll be staying with Cal."

"Lucky me," Cal muttered under his breath and rolled his eyes, before heading back into his bedroom.

"Are you sure he's okay with this?" Lily whispered to Ethan.

"Of course," Ethan said. "I spoke to him about it. He's just joking, don't worry." Lily nodded faintly, as Ethan took her bag from her. "I'll take care of it," he said. "Are you hungry?"

"Um...N...No," Lily stuttered and shook her head, nervously looking around Cal and Ethan's flat. "I'm okay."

"Lily knows when her appointments are," Connie said. "Although her memory hasn't been the best lately."

"You try sleeping during the day and having shed loads of medication," Lily joked. "It messes with a person's brain."

"Did Lily Chao just make a joke?" Ethan chuckled, but gave her back a comforting rub.

"Anyway, as I was saying," Connie said. "I have written them down so that you and Cal can check as well. You know what to do if anything happens?" Ethan nodded, not really wanting to think about that. "She's done well, haven't you Lily? It must be nice to be out of hospital."

"Yeah," Lily whispered and gave her a nod. "Yeah. It is."

"I will stick around for a bit," Connie said. "Just to make sure that Lily gets settled and to run things by you and Caleb."

"What do you want to do first, Lily?" Ethan asked. "We can watch a film, play a board game, chat?"

"Do you mind if I just maybe go and have a lay down?" Lily asked and wearily rubbed at her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm just feeling really tired."

"No, that's fine," Ethan said. "Go and have a sleep if you need it. You know where my room is?" Lily nodded thankfully. "Call me if you need anything, I'll...I'll be here."

Lily nodded and smiled at Ethan and Connie, before slowly walking towards Ethan's room. She shut the door behind her and all was silent.

"Try not to overcrowd her," Connie said, and followed Ethan into the living room. "You need to remember that she is still having treatment and she's still going to feel pretty weak and tired."

"I know," Ethan sighed and sat down on the sofa, gesturing for Connie to take a seat. "I guess I'm just happy to have her living here, that's all. Lily's my best friend and if she's here and...Not in hospital, then it means that she's getting better."

"She's better than she was," Connie informed him. "Which is why she's been discharged. She's still rather unwell though Ethan, and like I said she's still having treatment. She'll probably feel better after a small nap anyway, just give her some space."

"Sure," Ethan said. "What do I need to know anyway?"

"This is a notebook of Lily's appointments so far," Connie said, pulling a notepad out of her bag and handing it to Ethan. "Everything is in there, including the medication that she will need. My mobile number is also in there but in severe cases and emergencies, please call an ambulance."

Ethan swallowed hard. Would that happen to Lily? Connie wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise, would she?

"Do you have any...?"

"Connie!" Lily suddenly shouted from the bedroom, interrupting Connie completely.

"Yes, Lily?" Connie called back.

"I need you," Lily groaned, coughing as she spoke.

"I'll be back in a second," Connie whispered and stood up to go and find out what Lily wanted.

Cal was in the room with her and Lily looked as if she'd just thrown up. Cal was in the middle of wiping his shirt with a wet cloth that he had quickly grabbed from the bathroom, whilst Lily was trying her hardest not to burst into tears.

"I'm sorry," she apologised, as Connie walked over to her. "I...I didn't want Ethan to see," she added in a small voice.

"Why not?" Connie asked, grabbing a tissue from her pocket so that she could wipe around Lily's mouth. "You're going to be staying here for a while, Lily, so if you need help or if you're not feeling well then you will need to let him know."

"I just...I woke up and I felt sick," Lily said. "I think I moved too quickly to try and make it to the bathroom and I threw up."

"All over Cal by the looks of things?" Connie whispered, glancing towards the door to check if Cal had gone. "Good aim. Come on, we need to get you out of that t-shirt and into a clean one. Do you need some help?"

"I can probably do it," Lily said.

"You really do not like asking for help, do you?" Connie said. "Come on, just this once. You don't need to feel embarrassed near me, you're not feeling the best right now are you?"

Lily sniffed and shook her head, as she allowed Connie to help remove her vomit stained t-shirt.

"What's the matter?" Connie asked, obviously noticing her tears. "You were really happy earlier."

"I try to be," Lily whispered, as Connie unzipped her case and pulled out one of the shirts that she had packed. "That was what I always told my patients. If they were ill, I always said that negative behaviour wasn't the right way to go about it and that they had to be positive. I try to be positive, but when stuff like this happens it's hard."

"Lily, you are allowed to have bad days," Connie said. "You're allowed to feel upset. You're human at the end of the day, don't be afraid to show your emotions."

"Okay," Lily whispered and gave her a nod, and she held her arms up so that Connie could slip the t-shirt over her head. "Thanks for your help."

"Just remember what I said," Connie whispered. "Talk to Ethan. He really does want to help. Do you feel better?" Lily nodded. "Okay, try and get a bit more sleep yeah? You look tired."

"Okay," Lily repeated and leaned her head against Connie's shoulder wearily, her eyes already starting to droop.

 **I hope you enjoyed the update. I'm sorry for the delay x**


	14. Chapter 14

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: Me too and same, I never look haha.**

 **Tanith Panic: Exactly. It's only natural for Lily to have bad days. He will, haha! Haha oh of course, and thanks for reading. Enjoy the update.**

Chapter Fourteen

Lily was sat on the sofa flicking through the television channels. It was pretty early and there wasn't much on, so she was tempted to have a rummage through the DVD's and see if Ethan and Cal owned any good films. Feeling bored, she sighed heavily just as Ethan and Cal walked into the room. Cal was in his casual clothes, jeans and a t-shirt, but Ethan had his work bag and his coat with him.

"Are you working today?" Lily questioned, looking at him.

"Sorry Lils, I have to work today," Ethan said. "Cal's staying at home though and I finish at three."

"I just...I didn't think you were working," Lily said. "I thought you had the day off."

"I wish. I'm exhausted!" Ethan scoffed and gave her a gentle hug. "You'll be okay with Cal, won't you? He'll look after you." Lily nodded and put on a brave smile. "Feel free to look at our DVD collection," he said as if he could read her mind. "And if you're tired, take a nap."

"I will," Lily promised. "You...You don't have to worry about me, Ethan."

"I do, though," he said. "If you need anything, speak to Cal and he'll get it for you." Lily nodded, feeling tears in her eyes. "Look after her, Cal," Ethan said and patted Cal on the shoulder before leaving the flat.

"Right," Cal sighed as Ethan left and sat down on the sofa beside Lily. "How are you feeling? Shall I get you some breakfast?"

"If you don't mind," Lily said gratefully. "What have you got?"

"Well, I can cook a fry-up," Cal said. "And I'll try not to burn the place down. If all else fails, we have bread for toast and cereal as well."

"I'll just have some toast, thank you," Lily said quietly. She didn't want to have people running after her constantly, it made her feel bad. "Are you having anything?" She asked Cal as he headed to the kitchen.

"I might have some toast as well," Cal said. "Just butter on that, yeah?"

Lily nodded faintly and turned the TV off. There was nothing that she wanted to watch.

"We could have a game of Chess or something," Cal said, walking back into the living room. "You don't have to but if there's nothing on TV, I don't mind playing a game with you."

"That would be nice, yeah," Lily whispered and began to play with her hair nervously. "I might have a nap after breakfast. I'm feeling quite tired."

"Sure," Cal said. "I'll go and check on the toast."

Lily faintly nodded and continued to play with her hair. She couldn't help but feel awkward, Cal had never been that sympathetic and it seemed as if he was trying way too hard. She just wanted Ethan to come home. Cal soon walked back into the living room and handed Lily a plate of toast. Lily whispered a small thank you to him and slowly began to nibble on the toast.

"I wonder how Ethan's getting on," Lily whispered.

"He's probably thinking about you," Cal chuckled as he sat next to her and ate his own toast.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked.

"Are you kidding?" Cal said. "Ethan loves you and ever since your diagnosis, he's been worried sick about you. He can't do anything without thinking of you in the meantime."

"Really?" Lily asked in surprise.

"Really," Cal said. "My brother has a heart of gold. Trust me, he does."

Lily glanced up at the clock and said, "His shift has only just started." She then turned back to Cal with a sigh and said, "He'd offered to hire a film and order a take-out for me and him. I was kind of hoping for that today."

"Sounds to me like he asked you out on a date," Cal laughed to himself and sat his empty plate down on the table.

"He did not," Lily giggled, setting her plate down as well, some bits of toast left on it.

"Are you sure about that?" Cal asked and winked at her. "Have you finished?"

"Yes, thank you," Lily replied politely. "Anyway, what about that game of Chess?"

* * *

Ethan had had an exhausting day at work. It had been so busy and as soon as he arrived home he just wanted to climb straight into bed and sleep for a hundred years. He yawned and locked up the door behind him, the sound of happy laughter suddenly coming from the living room. He frowned in confusion and hung his coat up on the peg in the hallway.

"Guys!" He called. "Are you okay?"

He made his way through the flat and into the living room and saw that Lily and Cal were both sat at opposite ends of the sofa, cross-legged, with a Chess board in between them.

"Oh, hey Ethan," Lily greeted, stunned to see him standing before them. "Is it that time already?"

"Hey, yeah it is," Ethan said. "Have you two had a good day?"

"Yeah, it's been fun," Cal said. "Lily is whooping me at Chess, though. I never knew that she was so good at this game."

"Yeah," Ethan chuckled. "Neither did I. How are you feeling, Lily?"

"Okay," Lily replied. "I'm a bit tired, I've not had a chance to sleep today."

"Cal!" Ethan scolded. "You know how tired she gets. Why didn't you let her have a nap?"

"It isn't his fault," Lily quickly defended. "I've had a lovely day. This is like our fourth game of Chess, sleep didn't even go through my mind, to be honest."

"Well, finish this game but then I'd like you to go and get some rest," Ethan said and gave her a gentle hug. "Oh and Mrs Beauchamp asked me to take you in tomorrow for a check-up, okay?"

Lily nodded, as she picked up one of her pieces. "Sure," she said and moved it a few spaces. "Checkmate."

"Seriously?" Cal asked. "How the hell do you do it?"

"I'm just naturally good." Lily bragged cheekily and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm going to go and lay down now."

"Okay, I'll come and check on you in a bit," Ethan said and rubbed her back.

"See you in a bit, Lils," Cal said.

Lily nodded and smiled at them both, before standing up and heading off to her room.

"Has she really been okay then?" Ethan asked.

 **Enjoy the update :-) x**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

"So how has it felt then?" Connie asked with a small smile, as she slowly injected a needle into Lily's arm. Lily was smiling weakly at Connie's attempt to distract her, although she did have her head turned away from the Clinical Lead. "Being off work, having Cal and Ethan wait on you hand and foot, watching whatever the hell you want on TV."

"Actually, there hasn't really been much on TV," Lily told her. "But I've played Chess with Cal and that was fun. Ethan and I have hired a film and we're going to order a Chinese later on and watch it."

"That sounds nice," Connie said. "So Cal and Ethan have been okay then?"

Lily nodded, as Connie pulled the needle out of her arm. "Yeah, they've been great," Lily said, wincing as Connie stuck a plaster over her arm. "I mean, it was awkward at first. Ethan didn't really want to leave me and Cal just didn't know what to do."

"It just takes some time," Connie said. "They may be doctors but you're their friend and colleague at the end of the day. How have you been feeling?"

"Okay," Lily answered. "I get bored...I just really want to get back to work," she admitted and bit her lip. "You know me. I miss being a doctor."

"I know you do," Connie said and gave her back a gentle rub. "Thank you for coming in today. Everything seems to be running smoothly so far so we'll just carry on with the chemo and I'll see you back here in a few days. Does that sound okay?"

Lily nodded faintly and anxiously started to bite her nails.

"Lily, what's the matter?" Connie quizzed her. "That's good news. I thought you'd be happy."

"I am," Lily whispered and gave a small shrug of the shoulders. "Like I said, I just miss work."

"Come here," Connie said sympathetically and pulled her in for a hug. "You are doing so well. It's completely natural to feel like this, trust me."

"Like what?" Lily whispered and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her t-shirt.

"Lonely, isolated, tired," Connie listed. "Angry and depressed as well. You'll beat this thing, I know you will." Lily nodded gratefully. "Go home, yeah? I've allowed Ethan to take the day off so the two of you can get that film on and order the takeaway. I'm certain that you'll feel better after that."

"Thanks, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily mumbled into her blouse.

* * *

Lily was snuggled up to Ethan on the sofa, as they watched the movie that Ethan had hired for them both. Their dirty plates sat on the floor by the sofa and both of them felt extremely full, Lily hadn't managed to eat much but Ethan understood and had finished off what she couldn't handle.

"Are you okay?" He asked, noticing that she'd been rather quiet for the last fifteen minutes.

"Tired," Lily mumbled, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Do you want to go to bed?" He asked. "We can watch the rest of this later, or tomorrow if that'd be easier."

"No, I want to watch it." Lily shook her head. "I'll probably wake up in a little while, thank you."

"No need to thank me," Ethan chuckled. "How did your appointment with Connie go?"

"Really well," Lily answered, pulling away and yawning as she pulled her knees up to her chest. "The chemo is going really well and she's going to see me again in a couple of days. Can I be honest with you?"

"You can be honest with me about anything," Ethan said quietly, his eyes on the TV.

"I...I'm scared about death," Lily said. "I've never really thought about it before but now that...Now that there's a small possibility, I've been thinking about it a lot more. No one knows what happens when you die and...I'm just scared."

"It's a scary thing to think about," Ethan said. "Which is why you probably shouldn't think about it, okay?"

"I can't help it, though," Lily said. "I have a lot to think about, especially when I'm at home every single day. I feel really lonely and isolated and...As if no one understands me."

"Have you told anybody this?" Ethan asked, sitting up slightly so that he could pay more attention to Lily.

"I told Mrs Beauchamp earlier," Lily said. "She said that it was only natural to feel that way."

"I haven't mentioned this before because I wasn't sure what you would think," Ethan said. "But how about we look at a Cancer support group or something for you? Those things are great, Lily. You've read The Fault In Our Stars, haven't you?"

"I have," Lily said. "But this isn't a book or a movie, Ethan. This is real and it's happening to me."

"But it could still help you," Ethan said. "You'll get to meet new people and not only that, they'll be people who are going through the exact same thing that you're going through. It'll show you that you're not alone during this."

"Do you really think it's a good idea?" Lily asked.

"Of course I do," Ethan said. "Leave it to me, okay? I'll have a look around for you and see what I can find, you don't need to worry about a thing."

 **I'm sorry about the short chapter. The next chapter will be much longer and it'll also include a lot of drama as well. I've already written it so I'll probably try and post it in the morning :-)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: Me too, she needs all the support she can get right now.**

 **So I decided to post this chapter now before I go to bed. Enjoy x**

Chapter Sixteen

Lily awoke in the middle of the night and wrenched open her eyes groggily. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of traffic outside her bedroom window. It was the middle of the night and she couldn't sleep so she tried to work out where those people could have been heading. Maybe some of them worked nights, some of them could have just fancied a midnight drive, some of them could have been on their way to the hospital to witness the birth of their new baby. Thinking about all of these possible solutions distracted her and almost made her forget about the sudden sickness in the pit of her stomach.

She grimaced and held a hand to her mouth, sitting up suddenly when she actually felt as if she was about to be sick. She really didn't want to wake Cal and Ethan up, not at this hour, but she managed to haul herself out of bed and leave to go to the bathroom. She was surprised to see that the kitchen light was on though and she walked through in her slippers and dressing gown.

Ethan was sat at the table with a newspaper and a cup of tea, he looked stunned to see that Lily was out of bed.

"What are you doing up?" He asked her quietly.

"I couldn't sleep," Lily whispered in response, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"Same here," Ethan sighed and flicked a page of his newspaper. "Is something wrong?"

"No. No." Lily shook her head. "I mean, I'm not feeling that great but I'll be fine." Ethan tilted his head to one side and examined her. "Ethan, I'm fine. I just feel a bit sick, that's all."

"I'll get you a bucket," Ethan offered and stood up from his chair. "Come on, take a seat on the sofa if you're feeling unwell."

Lily smiled at him gratefully and sat down, one hand across her stomach. She didn't want Ethan to worry but she really didn't feel well at all. She coughed and held another hand to her head, as Ethan came back and placed a bowl next to her.

"Hey, Lils, look at me," he said in a comforting voice. "Come on, you really don't look well at all."

"I'll be fine in a little while," she said, hanging her head over the bowl with her hand on her stomach still.

Ethan placed the back of his hand on her forehead and sighed heavily. "You feel really hot, Lils. How long have you been feeling like this?"

"I just woke up like it," Lily groaned and immediately started coughing violently, throwing up the entire contents of her stomach into her bowl. "Ethan!" She begged in tears as if he could take the sickness away (if only), and Ethan could sense the sudden sound of fear in her voice.

"Okay, it's okay," he comforted, as Lily continued to throw up, drops of blood falling into the bowl. "Okay, right, it's okay," he said. "I'm phoning an ambulance."

"No." Lily shook her head with tears running down her cheeks. "Please, no."

"Lily, remember what Mrs Beauchamp said?" Ethan reminded her. "Come on, you haven't thrown up blood in a long time and you are burning up, sweetheart. I don't want to scare you, but I think I need to take you in. An ambulance is going to be a lot quicker."

Lily leant against Ethan's shoulder, her head over the bucket, as Ethan quickly dialled for an ambulance. Cal soon walked into the room, after waking up to all of the noise.

"What's going on?" He asked in a soft whisper.

"Get dressed," Ethan said urgently and hung up the phone. "Lily's coughing up blood again. An ambulance is on its way."

Whilst Cal got dressed into some casual clothing, Ethan stayed in the living room with Lily. Her face was soaked in sweat and bits of her hair were beginning to stick to her skin. She'd turned red and Ethan had already taken her temperature, stunned to notice how high it was. Lily held the bowl in her lap, a horrible red liquid just swimming in the bottom of it. The ambulance arrived at around 1:30 AM and Cal opened the door to let Iain and Dixie into the flat.

"Okay, princess," Iain said, kneeling down in front of Lily. "What's been going on with you then?"

"She woke up and said that she wasn't feeling well," Ethan said. "Her temperature is really high and she's started to throw up blood again."

"Okay, are you in pain at all, darlin'?" Dixie asked quietly. Lily faintly nodded her head in response. "Alright. Could you rate the pain for me?"

"About an eight," Lily coughed, blood staining her mouth. "I'm scared."

"Come on now, don't be scared," Iain comforted. "You're in the best possible care right now. Besides, I didn't think you got scared, ice queen." Lily managed a weak smile and shook her head. "Come on, we can get you loaded into the ambulance and then we can get you to Holby."

"I...I want Connie..." Lily replied weakly.

"Don't worry," Iain said. "She's been informed and she's waiting for you. Are you struggling to breathe?" Lily nodded. "Okay, we'll get that sorted as well. Don't worry."

* * *

"Ethan, don't leave," Lily pleaded as she lay on a bed in the back of an ambulance, tears streaming down her face. Cal was sat across the way with Dixie but Ethan stayed at Lily's side and held her hand. "Please."

"I'm not going anywhere," Ethan said. "I promise."

"Okay love, you're doing really well," Dixie praised Lily. "Not too far to go. We'll be there soon."

Iain pulled up to the entrance of Holby and jumped straight out so that he could help Dixie with Lily. Connie and Jac were stood outside waiting, exhausted after working a night shift, and also concerned for Lily's health.

"Hey, sweetheart," Connie greeted, taking Lily's hand so that she knew who it was. "We'll get you inside, yeah? You're going to be okay."

"Thanks, Iain," Jac thanked the paramedic as he wheeled Lily inside, Ethan and Cal following close behind. "Nice pyjamas by the way," Jac commented when she spotted Ethan's Star Wars patterned pyjamas, smirking a little.

"Well, I didn't have time to change," Ethan replied, blushing. "Lily was my main concern."

"Right, what do you think is wrong with her?" Connie asked Jac, ignoring Ethan's embarrassment as they helped lift Lily onto the provided bed. "Lay very still for me, darling."

"Hard to say," Jac said, sighing. "If chemotherapy isn't working... we will most likely have to consider a bone marrow transplant."

"A what?!" Lily piped up, a fresh batch of tears forming in her eyes.

"They'll need to examine you first, Lily, before anything like that happens." Ethan butted in, walking over shyly and slipping his hand into her clammy one for comfort.

"Promise you won't leave me?" Lily whispered, trying to hide how terrified and in pain she was, but not quite having the energy to pull it off. She needed her best friend.

"Promise," Ethan said earnestly. He squeezed her hand and smiled softly. "Wild horses couldn't keep me away."

 **I hope you liked it.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Tato Potato: Thank you, I'm glad you like it. And it's nice to see you reviewing again, I hope you're okay.**

 **ruby-elliot: Thanks so much. I hope you enjoy the new chapter.**

Chapter Seventeen

"The Leukaemia seems to have spread," Jac told Connie, as she finished off examining Lily. "We're going to have to stop the chemotherapy, it isn't working." She turned to Connie who just had her head in her hands. "Connie, please, stay focused."

"How is that even possible?" Lily asked to no one in particular. "Just a couple of weeks ago, you said that I was doing really well."

"It happens," Jac said. "I would have thought you, of all people, should know that. Hey, you were...I mean, you are a good doctor, aren't you? One of the best, so I've heard."

Lily just glared at her and although Jac was only trying to help, Connie could sense that she wasn't. Ethan walked in at that point with a cup of coffee but sensing that they were in the middle of a conversation, he kept quiet.

"Jac, please," Connie whispered and shook her head. "Lily isn't in the right frame of mind right now, is she? I don't think that's going to make her feel any better in all honesty."

"Am I going to need a transplant?" Lily asked in a quiet voice.

"That does seem like the most likely option," Jac said, glancing at Connie out of the corner of her eye.

"But where would we get the bone marrow from?" Ethan butted in, desperate to help in some way. "Don't we have to find a match first?"

"Yes, we do," Jac sighed. "And ideally that normally comes from someone genetic, a parent or a sibling. What about your mum, Lily?" Lily shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sure we could test it. Anyone else?"

"I'd rather not and I don't have any siblings either," Lily whispered. "Just let me die instead, it'll be easier."

"Lily, do not say that," Ethan said angrily, hurt that she would even say such a thing about herself, especially after all the effort everyone had put into keeping her alive and how hard she'd fought to see the light of day. "Can't...Can't you see if I'm a match? I'd donate, anything to help Lily."

"Ethan, you won't be a match," Jac responded, sighing.

"You don't know that though," Ethan retorted impatiently. He just wanted to help her. "If the chemo isn't working and if none of Lily's family can donate, then I would like to be considered."

"Could we at least think about that first, Ethan?" Connie stepped up. "Because it isn't that simple and it's a lot to think about. Normally if family members aren't a match, then we usually search the bone marrow register to try and find a donor with a matching tissue type."

"I'm on the register," Ethan said.

"Then we'll certainly consider you if and when it comes to it," Connie said in a calm, gentle tone. "But as I said before, it is a lot to think about. We can't just rush into these things, can we? You might not even be a match, even if Lily had a sibling then they might not even be a match. It can be a struggle to find someone."

"She's right," Jac agreed. "People have a 30% chance of having the same tissue type as their sibling, that's why we usually turn to the register and contact someone that way."

"Why don't you go and take a break?" Connie suggested to Ethan. "Go and speak to Cal, and calm yourself down. Jac and I will take care of Lily for the time being."

Ethan nodded and whispered, "Okay. I'll see you soon, Lily." He gave her a small and weak smile before leaving the room.

Connie sighed deeply and perched on the edge of Lily's bed, gently taking hold of her hand to try and offer some comfort. Lily avoided eye contact and turned her head so that she wasn't looking at Connie or Jac.

"Hey, we'll sort this," Connie said comfortingly. "We will find you a match. One way or another Lily, you're going to beat this."

"You lied to me," Lily whispered, keeping her tear stained face turned away.

"What?" Connie's eyes widened when she said that. "What...what do you mean?"

"You said that I was doing really well and that the chemo was working," Lily started to sob. "Why say that and get my hopes up when the Leukaemia has spread? I don't want a transplant, I don't want to go that far."

"Lily, I...I'm sorry that you think I lied to you," Connie said. "But I didn't mean to. The chemo was working at first, these things just happen. I know you're scared but a transplant is the only other option."

"I'm terrified," Lily corrected her, now in floods of tears.

"I know you are," Connie sighed. "Look, you're going to have to stay here tonight but...I'm going to stay with you okay?" Lily faintly nodded, squeezing Connie's hand tightly without realising.

"Now your colleagues will probably have to know that you're not well again," Jac said. "Would you like to see anyone in the morning, if someone did want to come and talk to you?"

"They wouldn't want to see me," Lily whispered.

"They might," Jac said. "They came to visit you after your diagnosis, didn't they? They care about you, Lily."

"You can send them in," Lily agreed and gave a small shrug of the shoulders. "I'm just saying that they probably won't want to see me."

"We'll see," Jac sighed. "Anyway, you need your sleep. You've had a long night. Connie will stay with you, I'll go and see what Ethan and Cal want to do as well, and then I'll come and check on you again in the morning."

"Thanks, Jac," Connie said, as Jac gave Lily's shoulder a rub and left the room, not forgetting to shut the door behind her.

* * *

"Lily," Connie whispered as she gently tried to shake Lily awake the next morning. "Sweetheart, wake up for me. You have visitors." Lily wearily opened her eyes and rubbed at them, trying to examine the two figures that stood in the doorway.

"Morning Lils," Ethan said from his chair, and Lily wondered if he'd been there all night. By the looks of his messy and tousled hair, which was usually pristine, she imagined he had done. She also wondered what time it was, as sunlight was beaming through the window and blinding her.

"Hi Lily," Robyn said, and Lily soon realised that it was Robyn and Louise. "Sorry to intrude. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," Lily replied. "What are you doing here?"

"Mrs Beauchamp told us all what happened," Robyn said and glanced across at Louise. "We have a present for you."

"You do?" Lily questioned and sat up weakly, Ethan quickly reaching across to help her. "What?"

"We wanted you to have this," Louise said and handed an envelope over to Lily.

"What is it?" Lily asked, as she opened up the envelope. "Two tickets for a cruise. Why...Why are you giving me this?"

"Well, it's all been paid for," Robyn said. "And Louise and I can take a holiday anytime. We want you to have the tickets, maybe you could take Ethan."

"I don't know if I can," Lily said sadly. "Health wise."

"We could check the dates and see what we can do," Connie said, giving her a small, jokey wink. "You'll never get another opportunity like this, Lily."

"I'd have to give you the money," Lily said.

"Don't worry about the money," Louise sighed, managing a friendly smile for the first time in her life. "This is our gift to yours. Take the tickets, find someone to go with, and just have a lovely holiday."

"I don't know what to say," Lily said, tears stinging her eyes. "Thank you, guys. Thank you so, so much."

 **This chapter took a lot of research. Updates may be slow as I have a huge drama production on Saturday and constant rehearsals leading up to that.**


	18. Chapter 18

**sweeet-as-honey: Thank you for reviewing even if you do find it a difficult read.**

Chapter Eighteen

Ethan sighed heavily and glanced through the window of the staff room. Cal was in there alone, scrolling through his mobile phone whilst sipping at a mug of coffee. Ethan gulped and took a deep breath, terrified to ask him such an awful question. He couldn't even imagine what Cal's reaction was going to be. He sighed heavily and eventually built up the courage to walk inside.

"Oh, hey, Nibbles," Cal greeted, looking up from his phone.

Ethan shut the door and whispered, "hey," before stepping further into the room. All of a sudden, he felt stuck for words.

"How's Lily doing?" Cal questioned him, probing to start some sort of conversation with his obviously anxious brother.

Cal and everyone else knew that Lily had been rather ill in hospital. The Leukaemia had spread and the only option was to go for a bone marrow transplant, something that Connie and Jac were working hard to get done so that they could try and make Lily better again.

"Um...Not too good," Ethan said, sniffing a little as he sat down beside his older brother. "I'm scared. They're...They're currently trying to find a match but..."

"I thought you wanted to donate," Cal whispered. He still was not overly happy regarding his brother's choice.

Ethan was on the register in case anybody did need a transplant but Cal wasn't as it was something he always worried about in case there were risks, and after Ethan had offered to donate to Lily, Cal wasn't too fond of the idea. Sure, he wanted Lily to be okay but he also didn't want to lose his brother.

"I...I wasn't a match," Ethan whispered. "I offered and they checked the register but...I don't have the right tissue type to be able to help Lily. I'm scared Cal, she has no siblings and we can't even get hold of her mum right now. Jac has been searching the register but she hasn't found anyone. What if it's too late? Lily could die any day now."

"She won't die," Cal whispered and shook his head. "They'll find someone. Don't worry."

"I...I wanted to ask you," Ethan said. "To see if you could help her in any way."

"Me?" Cal scoffed. "You're...You're kidding, right?"

"Please Cal," Ethan pleaded. "I don't want it to just be anyone. You're my brother, if I can't help Lily then I would want you to do it."

"I don't know what to say," Cal said and placed his coffee on the table in front of them. "Ethan, I can't."

"So you're suggesting that we just leave Lily to die then?" Ethan yelled angrily. "Cal! How can you say that? Lily is our friend and I really care about her, she needs that transplant!"

"Can I at least take some time to think about it?" Cal asked. "It's a huge decision to make, Ethan."

Ethan nodded faintly, but said, "I didn't think that you'd have to think about it to be honest." He sighed and said, "but sure. Take all the time you need and let me know when you've come to a decision." And with that, Ethan was up and out of the room in a flash.

Cal knew that he was probably being selfish. Lily was seriously ill and needed a bone marrow transplant, and he was considering saying no to Ethan's question. He and Lily had never seen eye to eye but he did care about her at the end of the day. He knew that he needed to talk to someone about it, to help him make a decision.

"Charlie. Can I have a word?" He asked, strolling over to the elder man.

"Of course, Cal," Charlie agreed. "What's wrong?"

"Privately?" He asked.

Charlie sighed and smiled sympathetically at Cal, before nodding at him. He placed a hand on the registrars back and led him away towards the staffroom, where Cal had just come from.

"What's going on then?" Charlie asked.

"You know Lily?" Cal asked, holding his hands to his head.

"Of course," he chuckled. "Is this what this is about, Cal? Come on, everyone is upset and everyone is scared so it's understandable if you're feeling a bit awkward or a bit uncomfortable. She's being looked after though, I can assure you."

"It's not that," Cal said, shaking his head. "Ethan really wanted to be a match so he can help Lily with the transplant."

"Really?" Charlie raised an eyebrow, completely unaware of that.

"Yes," he answered. "The thing is, he isn't a match. So he's asked me to get tested."

"Really?" Charlie repeated. "Why?"

"He cares about Lily so much," Cal said. "And he doesn't want it to just be anyone."

"Well, what did you say?" Charlie asked.

"I said that I'd think about it." Cal shrugged his shoulders. "But I was kind of hoping that you would help me."

"It's a big decision to make," Charlie said. "But say if we did test you? You may not even be a match Cal, and besides that would stay on the register for someone who did need a bone marrow transplant in the future."

"I know," Cal sighed. "Say if I was a match, though?"

"Then you will have to think about whether you could live with that," Charlie said. "Even if you don't test, Jac and Connie will work hard to make sure that they find a transplant for Lily."

"But if I don't, I don't think Ethan will ever talk to me again," Cal said. "I seriously don't know what to do, Charlie."

"Here's a question, do you want to help Lily?" Charlie asked. "Think of it that way."

"Yeah," Cal sighed and nodded his head. "I think so."

"Then I think that you already know the answer," Charlie said.

* * *

Lily was fast asleep in bed, whilst Connie sat in the chair beside her. The junior doctor had been so scared, throwing up between floods of tears, and Connie had promised that she would stay with her. The door to the room soon opened though and Cal walked in.

"Doctor Knight, you are meant to be down in the ED working," Connie said sternly. "What are you doing here?"

"I...I wanted to talk to you," Cal gulped anxiously. "Regarding Lily."

"What about Lily?" Connie asked.

"I...I want to help her," Cal said. "I want to see if I'm a match."

 **So I was in pantomime yesterday and the show was a huge success. I felt it went really well. I'm shattered though and didn't wake up until twelve o'clock today, haha.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: Me too and I do love their friendship :-)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: Thank you. I had great fun, I played the goose which was a bit different. Maybe he does, there will be more of Ethan in a little while. Thanks for reviewing.**

 **CBloom2: We'll soon see. Thanks, I loved every second of it.**

Chapter Nineteen

"Doctor Knight," Connie said calmly, and held a hand up to him. "Can we just take a minute to think about what you are saying here? This is a massive decision to make and I do not want you rushing into anything. Where is all this coming from all of a sudden? First your brother and now you."

Cal was silent, arms folded across his chest. He made eye contact with the floor instead so that he didn't have to see Connie's look of anger. She took a deep breath, stood up from her chair and placed one hand on her hip so that she could rub at her forehead with her free hand.

"Caleb," she breathed. "Are you sure that Ethan isn't pushing you into anything here? We all know how much he wants to help Lily and he was so disappointed that he wasn't a match."

"Connie," Jac whispered, as she opened the door. She strolled into the room and over to the two of them with a pile of notes, being careful not to wake Lily. "I can't get hold of either of Lily's parents."

"Okay, we'll discuss that later," Connie hissed. "Could you just sit with Lily for a bit? I need to go and have a chat with Cal outside."

"Of course," Jac agreed reluctantly.

Connie grabbed Cal's arm and dragged him out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Cal leaned back against the wall with his hands behind his back and bit his lip, debating on whether to tell Connie the truth.

"Where was I?" Connie sighed heavily. "Oh yes. Is Ethan pushing you into doing this? I know he's your brother but you don't have to do this, not if you really don't want to. Like I said before and like I have told everyone else, this is a massive decision to make. One that you will not be able to take back."

"Lily's dying," Cal muttered under his breath.

"No. No, she isn't." Connie shut her eyes for a brief second and shook her head.

"Stop lying to everyone, Mrs Beauchamp," Cal said. "She's in here, on the cancer ward, wired up to all sorts. The chemo didn't work so now she needs to have a transplant, or she dies. Right? It's me or her and I'd much rather it be me."

Tears stung his eyes and he quickly wiped them away so that Connie wouldn't see. He'd been so brave up until now, so strong and together because he knew that Lily and his brother needed him. How hard that had been though.

"I...I don't want Lily to die," Cal sobbed. "But my brother is going to be crushed if he loses her and I could not do that to him. I really couldn't."

"But that isn't a reason to donate bone marrow," Connie said, shaking her head at him. "Not because your brother wants you to do it. If Lily found out about this, then she'd be really upset Cal. You know what she said to me before she fell asleep?"

"What?" Cal sniffed, looking at Connie through his tears.

"She said that it was her fault," Connie said. "That people are arguing because of her, and that she deserves to be going through this. It broke my heart to hear her say that and I don't want you or anybody else making it worse for her."

"I'm not trying to," Cal cried. "Mrs Beauchamp. Please do not make me look like the victim here, just listen to me. I talked to Charlie about this and I want to help Lily, I want her to get this transplant and if I'm a match then I want to help."

"Are you sure you're not just saying this because of Ethan?" Connie asked quietly.

"I thought I was." Cal gave a small shrug. "But now I'm not sure. I want to help, please."

The door to Lily's room opened and Jac walked out with a bowl in hand. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Connie and Cal just staring at each other. Connie had her stern doctor face on and Cal looked as if he'd been crying.

"Um...Lily's just woken up and she's been sick," Jac stuttered, gesturing to the bowl in her hand. "She's asking for you, Connie."

"Can't you handle it?" Connie asked, through gritted teeth.

"Oh, I would." Jac nodded at her. "Except she doesn't want me, she wants you. Can't I take over here?"

"I guess," Connie sighed, turning her attention to Jac. "Doctor Knight, here, wants to see if he's a match to try and help Lily? Why don't you get that sorted?" And she turned back to Cal to give him a small smile. "I'll go and see Lily."

Jac nodded at Connie and Connie pushed open the door to Lily's room. She gave the junior doctor a small smile and went to crouch at her bedside. Lily was in tears and looked so bad, Connie wished that she could make her better again.

"Hey," Connie soothed, stroking at her hair. "I'm here now. Sorry, I just had to talk to Cal about something. Come on, stop crying for me. Do you feel sick again?"

"No," Lily cried, holding onto Connie's arm with a shaking hand. "I'm just fed up of it all." Connie nodded sympathetically and stood up so that she could perch on the edge of the bed. "I feel really tired but I can't sleep."

Connie sighed and reached for the bear that Lily had been given back in the early days. She almost forgot that she had it. She smiled and offered it to her, but Lily just shook her head and nudged it away. She coughed and rubbed at her head, tears rolling down her cheeks at full speed. Connie just held the stuffed animal in her lap and rubbed Lily's back comfortingly.

"You know, I can't always be here," Connie said. "I still work at the ED, Lily. There's Jac though and there are other doctor's on this ward here to help you, you need to let them. Understand me?"

Lily faintly nodded and rested her head against Connie weakly. "Why haven't my parents visited?" She asked, completely off subject.

"I can't answer that," Connie sighed, continuing to give her back a comforting rub. "We are trying our absolute best to contact them though so don't you worry about a thing alright? You're in safe hands and you are going to get through this."

"I just don't like people seeing me like this," Lily said. "I'm so weak and vulnerable. It isn't who I am."

"They are not going to judge you, Lily," Connie said. "You're not well, they understand that. Hey, Robyn and Louise gave you those tickets didn't they? Who do you think you're going to invite?" Lily gave a tired shrug of the shoulders. "I bet Ethan would like to go. It's a long way away yet, you'll be out of hospital and fit for that trip in no time. I'm going to make sure that that happens."

"What's going to happen to my job?" Lily whispered.

"Lily," Connie whined. "Stop. Just...Don't think of work, please."

"I'm being serious, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily said. "Who's going to take over whilst I'm in here?"

"Well, we have a new doctor starting today in fact," Connie said.

"Today?" Lily frowned. "Why did you not tell me this?"

"Because you were already going through enough," Connie said, removing the loose strands of hair from Lily's face. "And I know how dedicated you are to your work, I didn't want to upset you."

Lily shrugged her shoulders, unsure of what to think about that. Someone was going to be taking her place in the ED, because she was way too ill. She wasn't going to lie, it did upset her, but she wasn't going to show Connie that.

"Anyway, enough of this work talk," Connie sighed. "You seem a bit better in yourself."

"I'm talking to you," Lily stated. "It distracts me. It makes me feel loads better."

* * *

The young woman walked into the ED anxiously, her chest tightening when she saw how busy it was. It was her first proper job in a hospital and she had to admit that she was feeling absolutely petrified. She forced a smile though and took a deep breath, before stepping further into the reception area. Zoe spotted her straight away and trotted over to her in her heels.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Yes, I am Alicia Munroe," she replied. "I'm the new junior doctor."

 **A small twist at the end there. Maybe this will be the start of Lily and Alicia's feud. Also, will Cal be a match? I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I will update as soon as I possibly can. I'm really enjoying writing this story.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Tanith Panic: That's okay, hopefully you will catch up soon. Some chapters will be darker than others but hopefully the next chapter will be more cheery.**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: I don't think so either. I like including Jac in this story, she's such a great character and I loved her guest appearances in Casualty.**

 **I hope you all liked Alicia's little appearance there. She's completely new to this story because it's set when Lily is a junior doctor, not a registrar, so no one has actually met her before. I thought it would be a good opportunity to add her character into the story though.**

Chapter Twenty

"So it says here that this is your first hospital placement," Zoe said. She looked over Alicia's CV and qualifications that she had brought in with her. "Now, the ED isn't the easiest place. It can be busy and can turn any minute, but I trust that you are aware of that. You will be shadowing someone to start off and we'll make sure that you're as comfortable as possible."

"Thank you, Doctor Hanna," Alicia said politely. "However, I was told to report to Mrs Beauchamp."

"I know." Zoe gave her a small smile. "But Mrs Beauchamp is currently tied up at the moment, I'm afraid. I'm sure she will come and introduce herself later on, though. Now you will be replacing our junior doctor Lily Chao. So, you realise that this isn't necessarily going to be a permanant position, don't you?"

Alicia nodded faintly. "What happened to Lily?" Alicia asked. "Did she leave?"

"No," Zoe replied. "She's really ill at the moment. That's actually where Connie is at the moment, Lily hasn't been doing too well so she's been looking after her."

"What's wrong with her?" Alicia asked. She didn't mean to be nosy but she felt curious.

"Acute Myeloid Leukaemia," Zoe sighed. "And she may need a bone marrow transplant as well so yeah, she isn't well at all." Alicia gulped and nodded, starting to feel guilty for even asking such a question.

"Don't worry about it. Just try not to mention it, okay? It's quite a private matter and we need to think about Lily. We hadn't even told her that you were starting today."

"How comes?" Alicia asked, curling her fingers around her left wrist.

"Because Lily is a dedicated doctor," Zoe said. "And she's been struggling enough with the diagnosis. We didn't want to make matters worse for her by telling her that someone would be in to take her place in the ED whilst she's off on the sick. So, Connie and I made a joint decision to keep it quiet."

"She sounds like an interesting person," Alicia said, forcing a smile.

"She is. She's lovely," Zoe said. "She's come a long way since starting here to be honest and she certainly does not deserve to be going through what she's going through. It's awful to see her like that."

"I bet," Alicia said, looking at the floor. "My grandfather had lung cancer and it was horrible. He...He actually died from it, unfortunately."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Zoe sympathised. "But we're trying to stay positive. Lily's strong, I'm pretty sure that she'll pull through."

"Me too," Alicia agreed.

"Doctor Hanna!" Connie's voice echoed through the office, as she strolled through the open door. "Why did you not tell me that the new doctor had turned up?" She smiled professionally at Alicia at that point and said, "Doctor Munroe. I'm Mrs Beauchamp."

"It's nice to meet you," Alicia greeted and held out her hand to Connie. Connie shook it.

"I thought that it was probably best to leave you to it," Zoe informed Connie. "I did say that you'd be down later. How's Lily doing?"

"I'll update you in a little while," Connie said, glancing at Zoe out of the corner of her eye. "Doctor Munroe. I trust you know where the staffroom is." Alicia's smile dropped and she immediately shook her head. "So you've been here all this time and you haven't even been shown the staffroom yet."

"I mean, I...I can easily find my way," Alicia stumbled upon her words. "I'll be able to find it by myself if the two of you wanted to talk."

"If you go and drop your stuff off and then come back here," Connie said. "And then we can get started."

Alicia sensed that Connie wanted to discuss Lily's progress with Zoe, so she thought that the best solution would be to go and ask someone else where the staffroom was. She took a nervous breath and backed out of the office, shutting the door on her way out. Connie smiled gratefully at Zoe and took Alicia's documents from her.

"Lily is really sick," Connie said, leaning against the desk.

"In what way?" Zoe questioned her.

"She's been throwing up a lot again," Connie said. "I mean, we've been having to carry on with the chemo until we can get a transplant sorted. Even when we do eventually get that, she's going to have to have a huge dose of intensive chemotherapy to try and kill those cells in her bone marrow."

"So I'm guessing you haven't found anybody yet," Zoe said.

"Zoe, we can't even get hold of her parents," Connie said. "And I don't even know why. They've hardly visited her, not even when she was staying with Cal and Ethan. She may be an adult at the end of the day but she still needs support from her parents, and one of them could be a possible match to help her."

Connie hung her head and sniffed, allowing her hair to dangle in her face.

"I don't think she has long left, Zoe," Connie said. "I've been trying to think positive and every time someone mentions the small possibility of death, I tell them no. I say that Lily is strong and that she will power through, but even I am starting to doubt that myself now."

"Oh, Connie," Zoe sighed and went to stand beside her.

"That isn't all though," Connie said. "Cal is currently being tested to see if he's a match for Lily."

"You're not serious?" Zoe asked.

"Unfortunately, I am," Connie said. "He's just gone to have a marrow sample taken. I can't say I'm happy with the decision, I would have rather search the register for someone random and unrelated to Lily but he was adamant. What could I say? But if he's a match, he'll have to have a blood sample taken so that that can be taken away to be tested. That may take a couple of weeks but if all is okay, Lily might actually get her transplant."

"What does Ethan think about this?" Zoe asked, crossing her arms.

"He was the one to encourage it, would you believe it?" Connie asked. "Yes. He wasn't a match for Lily so he asked his brother instead. Everyone's in pieces, Lily is blaming herself. I'm not sure what to do."

"I think people need a night out," Zoe said. "What about bowling or something? Everyone's been working so hard and everyone is worried about Lily, it might be good to do something along those lines."

"What about Lily though?" Connie asked in a choked up voice. "I don't think she can leave the hospital at the moment and she needs a night out more than anyone."

Zoe shrugged her shoulders and asked, "Will one night hurt? We need to all keep our spirits up. I'm sure Lily will be fine."

 **So the next chapter will be a bit happier. Also Alicia and Lily will meet, and you'll find out if Cal is a match or not. Let me know what you think. I'm hoping to post another chapter soon.**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One

Ethan had just finished the last book in the Hunger Games series. It was Lily's favourite book series of all time. She'd leant all three books to him ages ago but he'd only just finished them and thought that it was time to give them back. She was probably so bored being back in hospital and a good book was just what she needed. Even if she had read The Hunger Games tonnes of times before.

"Ethan!" Alicia called and hurried after the young registrar. "Hi. Um...Mrs Beauchamp wants me to shadow you today if that's okay."

"I'm actually on my break at the moment," Ethan said.

"Oh." Alicia nodded and peered over his shoulder. "Ah, The Hunger Games. Such a great read. What did you think?"

Ethan shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Yeah. They...They were good. I enjoyed them."

"Totally. So where are you off to anyway?" Alicia curiously asked him.

"I'm going to visit Lily," Ethan whispered and rubbed at the back of his neck, as he headed up the stairs towards the ward that Lily was on. "Do you have to follow me?" He asked Alicia, sighing.

"Maybe I could visit Lily as well," Alicia said. "If I'm taking her place, I might as well introduce myself to her."

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Ethan said. "And let's get this straight, you haven't replaced Lily. She's still a junior doctor in the ED and she always will be. She's not well at the moment Alicia, so it's probably best not to go in there with that huge, beaming smile that you have right now."

"What do you mean?" Alicia frowned at her in confusion.

"Our colleague is seriously sick and she could die," Ethan said. "And you're strolling around this department, all jolly and happy."

"I'm sorry," Alicia apologised, giving him a small shrug of the shoulders. "I'm sorry. I...I don't know Lily, though, do I?"

"But we do," Ethan snapped. "So maybe it's about time that you realise that."

The two of them reached Lily's private room in silence. Ethan stopped outside and squirted the gel onto his hands, before rubbing them together and encouraging Alicia to do the same.

"She's open to infections," Ethan said.

Ethan shoved the door open with his arm and the two of them made their way inside. Lily looked so weak, she was lying on her side with the stuffed bear clutched to her chest. Flowers and cards surrounded her and it reminded Ethan of the time when she was first diagnosed, only down she'd gone completely downhill. An empty tray sat on the chair beside her bed, indicating signs that she had at least managed something to eat.

"Lils," Ethan whispered and stroked her hair. "Hey."

Lily smiled and groaned, wincing in pain as she rolled over. She spotted Ethan and then spotted Alicia soon after.

"Who's that?" She asked, gesturing to the new doctor.

"This is Alicia Munroe," Ethan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "She followed me in. She's um...The new junior doctor. You'll be working alongside her, once you're feeling better."

Lily smiled weakly at him, knowing that that might not ever happen and even if it did it wouldn't be for a long time. She wasn't quite sure what to make of Alicia. She was very slim and she had dyed the tips of her hair pink. She was grinning from ear to ear as well, because she wasn't the one who was slowly dying in a hospital bed. She hated that.

"It's nice to see you, Miss Chao," Alicia said. "I um...I hope you're...You're okay."

Alicia didn't know what else to say but clearly by Ethan's facial expression, that had been the wrong thing.

"I brought these back for you," Ethan said, handing the books out to her. "I thought you might want them."

"What did you think?" A smile suddenly appeared on Lily's face.

"I loved them," Ethan replied. "They were actually amazing, one of the best things I've ever read. I can't believe that Prim died, though. Why did they do that to us?"

"I told you that there was a sad scene at the end of the third book," Lily laughed. "And you wouldn't believe me. Next stop is the films, the films are good but the books are so much better."

"The films would be good," Ethan said. "Jennifer Lawrence is in those and I love her."

"Fancy her more like?" Lily joked, laughing and nudging Ethan's arm. "Thanks for bringing these back though, and I'm glad that you enjoyed them."

Alicia shifted awkwardly on the spot, seeing how different Ethan was with Lily. She obviously didn't fit in and she wasn't wanted there. She was going to make an excuse to leave but instead, decided to leave in total silence.

"So everyone is going bowling tonight," Ethan sighed, crossing his arms over the railing of Lily's bed.

"Really?" Lily's smile faded. "Good for them, I guess."

"I'm not going," Ethan told her. "I told Mrs Beauchamp that I would stay here with you. It doesn't seem right, to go out and have fun whilst you're stuck in here."

"You didn't have to," Lily said.

"Well, I want to," Ethan said and gave her hair another stroke. "So it looks as if you're stuck with me."

* * *

"Okay, everyone," Zoe called, ushering everybody towards lane two and three. "So I thought that we can have a bit of fun. We can either do boys versus girls or doctor's versus nurses."

There was a mixture of muffled voices, as everyone removed their coats. Zoe sighed and Connie went to stand beside her, as they noticed how miserable their staff actually looked.

"Come on everyone," Charlie sighed and clapped his hands together. "This is supposed to be fun. Time away from work, hmm?"

"How can we actually have fun when Lily couldn't even join us?" Robyn asked. "It doesn't seem fair."

"Ethan is taking care of Lily," Connie said. "Come on, this is supposed to be for you guys."

"Hey. I'll go first, yeah?" Alicia offered and skipped up to the lane, reaching for one of the lighter balls on the rack.

"Can someone please shut her up?" Louise snapped, placing her head in her hands. "Why is she always so chirpy? It isn't really appropriate in these kind of situations, is it?"

Alicia sighed heavily, looking around at the solemn faces. She glanced over at Connie, Zoe and Charlie and gently set the ball down.

"I'm going to go and get a drink," she said, and headed off to the bar.

"Guys, be nice to Alicia please," Zoe said, as soon as she was out of sight. "She's new and she's not been here through all of this, has she? She doesn't understand what we're going through and she's just trying to cheer everyone up."

"Well if she doesn't understand, then she shouldn't bother," Louise said.

Connie sighed and ran a hand through her hair, just as her mobile started ringing. "I'm going to have to answer this," she said to Zoe and gestured to her ringing phone. "Try and get them to start at least one game."

Zoe gave her a promising nod and Connie left the bowling alley altogether, going to stand outside so that she'd be able to hear her conversation over the loud music that was playing from inside.

"Connie, it's Jac," the familiar voice said on the other end of the phone. "How's it going?"

"Um...It's been better," Connie said, with a small sigh. "What's wrong? Is it Lily?"

"I have good news," Jac told her. "We've found a match."

"What?" Connie's eyes widened and she pressed the phone harder to her ear. "Seriously?"

"Yep," Jac replied. "It's Cal."

 **So Cal is a match? I'm pretty sure everybody could see that coming though, haha. Another update anyway, I am doing well. Enjoy, that will be the last update for today :-) x**


	22. Chapter 22

**Guest: Thank you. I thought that it would be an interesting concept to try. I can't imagine that it's easy for everyone when they're worried about Lily, and Alicia is constantly being jolly and happy. Thank you for your lovely** **comment.**

 **CBloom2: I had quite an inspiration for this story yesterday, haha.**

Chapter Twenty Two

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" Connie questioned, as Jac performed a blood test on Cal. "Because it isn't too late to back out. We can send these blood results off and you don't have to agree to it."

Cal faintly nodded, gulping nervously as Jac removed the needle from his skin. "If Lily gets this transplant, then she'll be cured, right?"

"Well. She's going to have to stay in the hospital for a few more weeks," Jac said, glancing at Cal's blood through the tube. "And she would have to be monitored during that period, but, this should treat the Leukaemia."

"Treat?" Cal asked through gritted teeth. "Not cure?"

"We say treat because there is a small, and I mean very small, chance that Leukaemia could return in the future," Jac informed him.

"What's the point in even having a transplant if it could come back?" Cal snapped.

"Because it's highly unlikely that it will come back," Jac said impatiently. "This will help Lily get better. You're doing a really good thing here, Cal. You should be proud of yourself."

"Doctor Knight, please," Connie sighed and rolled her eyes. "How long have you been a doctor for, hmm? You should know how these things work."

"Connie," Jac sighed.

She understood that even though Cal was a doctor, he wanted to know exactly what was happening. He wanted to know each and every side effect and risk. He wanted to hear it instead of telling it for a change. Lily had been exactly the same since her diagnosis.

Cal managed a small smile and Ethan burst in, also smiling.

"I can't believe you're actually a match," Ethan said, placing a hand on Cal's shoulder. "Lily's actually going to get her transplant? I can't believe it. Does she know?"

Connie shook her head at him.

"Why haven't you told her?" Ethan asked. "This is amazing news."

"We're going to," Connie said. "Cal's bloods need to be sent off first, just to double check if he can donate to Lily. Once we have those results back and if Cal is certain that he wants to donate, we can start the process."

"Of course he wants to donate," Ethan said and turned his attention back to his brother. "Right Cal? You do want to donate?"

"Yeah," Cal sighed and gave Ethan a reassuring smile. "Of course I do, Nibbles. Of course, I do."

"Well, I suppose I should go and deliver the news to Lily then," Connie said. "If you could get those bloods sent off Jac, I'd really appreciate it."

Jac nodded and Connie gave the brother's a reassuring smile, before leaving. She could tell by the way Cal spoke to people that he was still unsure about donating to Lily. She was scared that Ethan was putting way too much pressure on him, and she hoped that that wasn't the case. She took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair, walking into Lily's room. She was lying in bed watching TV.

"Hey," Connie said and walked over to her bed. "So I have good news for you."

"What is it?" Lily croaked out.

"We have found a match," Connie said. "We're just sending the bloods off now but it looks like you will be getting your transplant." Lily smiled weakly, unable to process what she was hearing. "The only thing is, it...It's Cal."

"Cal?" Lily gulped. "As in Knight?" Connie nodded. "Why? What's he doing?"

"He wanted to help, Lily," Connie said. "We didn't tell you before in case it didn't happen or in case he pulled out, but we've tested him and he's a match. You're not upset, are you?"

"I don't want anybody risking their lives for me," Lily whispered.

"He isn't, sweetheart," Connie said gently. "Complications are highly unlikely. He and Ethan really want to help you, and Cal's come back as a match. You're going to get better. Hey, once you get this transplant then it's all over."

"Will it be, though?" Lily questioned quietly.

"Of course," Connie said. "I'm going to leave you to rest, okay? I'll bring you some lunch in in a little while. Make sure to try and get some sleep if you're feeling tired."

"Aren't you staying?" Lily asked.

"I can't stay," Connie said. "I have to try and get this transplant sorted out for you. I'll come and see you in a little while though, and that's a promise."

Connie leant over the side of the bed and gently hugged Lily, before leaving the room. Lily sighed deeply and leant back against her pillows, glancing around the room with watery eyes. She sniffed and allowed the remote to drop onto the bed, the TV blaring in the background. Her copies of The Hunger Games sat at the foot of the bed, and her get well cards and a vase of flowers sat on her bedside table. The teddy bear lay next to her on the bed.

She wasn't quite sure what to feel. Should she be happy? All she'd ever wanted was to get better and a transplant seemed to be the way forward. The chemo hadn't been working properly and if she got that transplant, then she'd be treated. Did she really want someone she knew and cared about loads to be her donor?

Lily coughed and held a hand to her face, flinching when she touched the tube. She usually forgot that she had that. Sniffing and sighing again, she crawled to the edge of her bed and climbed out weakly, slipping her feet into the pair of trainers on the floor. She felt so weak, so tired, and the room began to spin as she attempted to walk to the door. Feeling cold, she shivered and grabbed one of the blankets from the bed to wrap around her shoulders.

It was then when she caught sight of herself in the mirror on the wall.

She looked awful. Above her pyjamas was the tube across her face and on her head she'd wrapped around an old scarf to try and hide the fact that some of her hair was missing. Sure, she still had some hair but it was also noticeable that she'd lost some. Bags sat under her eyes and she just looked exhausted and weak. She didn't even look like Lily Chao anymore.

She held the blanket around her and gripped the handle with her clammy hand, before opening the door and walking out. It felt nice to be out of her room for a change but the corridors were busy and she found it difficult to lift her feet up. She was just so tired.

Feeling dizzy, she ended up falling against the wall, quickly slamming her hand against it to try and stop herself from falling altogether.

"Whoa, whoa!" Jac shouted, rushing over to Lily and holding her upright for support. "Hey. What are you doing out of your room?"

"I wanted a walk," Lily whispered, giving a small shrug of the shoulders. "Wh...What day is it?"

"It's Sunday," Jac said and gave her an awkward smile. "Come on. Shall we get you back to bed?"

"I wanted a walk," Lily repeated, gritting her teeth together to try and make herself heard. "I'm really bored. I...I want to go down to the ED."

"Is that really such a good idea?" Jac asked.

"Please," Lily pleaded with her.

"Okay, fine," Jac sighed and stood up straighter, making sure to keep hold of a very weak and tired Lily. "But we'll take the lift down, yeah? Let me know if you feel tired and I'll get you a wheelchair."

"I want to walk," Lily croaked, walking slowly beside Jac. "I want...I want to feel normal."

"And you will," Jac said, removing her hand from Lily and folding her arms across her chest. She pressed the button of the lift and turned back to Lily. "As soon as we get that transplant sorted out."

Lily nodded in agreement and the two of them walked through the open doors of the lift. Jac pressed the button for the ED and they waited for the doors to close.

"How do you feel?" Jac asked.

"Fine," Lily lied and gave her a reassuring nod. "I'm okay."

"Come on," Jac said and ushered her out of the lift, as soon as the doors opened.

The two of them walked down to the ED at a slow pace, Jac trying her best to make awkward conversation with Lily. They soon arrived at the ED and Robyn immediately rushed over, squealing with excitement.

"Gentle, Robyn," Jac said, as the red-head threw her arms around Lily.

"I wanted a walk," Lily told Robyn, pulling away from the hug.

"Come here, brave girl," Zoe said, walking over and pulling Lily in for a hug as well. "Connie isn't going to be happy when she sees you out of bed, is she?" Lily smiled and shook her head. "Oh well. It's good to see you, darling. Really good. We're all extremely proud of you down here."

"Hi Lily," Alicia greeted her and gave her an awkward wave.

Lily didn't say anything though and turned back to Zoe. "It's good to see everyone too," she said weakly. "I've missed you all."

 **A nice, happy chapter for you all. I hope you liked it. Also there was a bit on Lily's thoughts and feelings there as well, I felt that it was important to add into the story.**


	23. Chapter 23

**CasualtyFanForever81: Me too :-)**

Chapter Twenty Three

A few weeks had passed. The time for Lily's transplant soon came round.

Cal had to admit to himself that he was a mixture of scared and nervous about the whole procedure. Everyone had been really supportive of his decision, though, knowing that it was to make Lily better. The doctors had taken many tests to evaluate whether Cal was healthy enough to donate so they were all pleased when it turned out that he was.

Lily had also been under observation, having high doses of chemotherapy to make sure that she was ready for the transplant. It hadn't been much fun for either of them.

Cal was taken straight up to the ward and Ethan stayed with him the entire time. He wanted to talk to Cal quickly before they began the procedure.

"I'm really proud of you," Ethan said, taking hold of his brother's hand. "You're doing such a wonderful thing and after this, Lily will be better again. Thank you. Really."

"She needed me," Cal sighed, squeezing Ethan's hand gently.

"Thank you," Ethan whispered, with tears in his eyes. "You're the best brother ever, you know that right?"

"I had a feeling," Cal chuckled. "Go on. You better go. Come and see me later on, though, yeah?"

"I love you," Ethan said and gave him a tight hug before leaving.

Ethan headed straight back down to the ED, praying that everything would be okay. He knew that the transplant wouldn't get rid of Lily's illness altogether but he also knew that it would help at least. There were risks though and he was beginning to regret asking his brother to donate.

"Hey Ethan," Robyn greeted, walking over to him. "A bunch of us are making get well cards for Cal. Did you want to help?"

"Sure," Ethan agreed. "Go on then."

"It only seems fair," Robyn said. "We gave Lily so many cards and this is such a brave thing that Cal is doing. I bet you're proud of him, aren't you?"

"Yeah." Ethan nodded faintly. "I am. Extremely proud."

"Are you and Lily dating?" Robyn asked, as they walked into the staffroom and over to the table where pens and paper sat. "I'm sorry to throw that question on you but there's just been some talk, that's all."

"I like to think so," Ethan sighed and sat down on the sofa. "It's been hard because she's been so ill so we haven't really gone on many proper dates. I'd like to date her though, I think she's wonderful."

"She doesn't deserve to be going through this, does she?" Robyn said. "It isn't fair. I wish that we could just go back in time and somehow stop the cancer. It's impossible though."

"If only it was that easy," Ethan chuckled.

"I kind of wish it was me," Robyn said quietly. "Instead of Lily."

Ethan nodded in agreement and said, "Me too."

"Hey," Robyn whispered. "Cal and Lily, they'll be okay you know? I promise. Lily's hung in there for so long. She keep going for a little bit longer. And Cal, well, you and him are brothers right? You're both so incredibly strong, even if you don't realise it."

"Thank you, Robyn," Ethan said gratefully.

The two of them worked hard for the majority of the afternoon. A few of them had bought cards and a balloon from the shop but there was something nice about handmade cards, Robyn had thought of everything. It really helped Ethan take his mind off of things and he almost forgot that the transplant was taking place. It was around three hours later when Connie walked into the room.

"You two have been busy-" she sighed, folding her arms across her chest and striding further into the room. "-Not working."

"Sorry, Mrs Beauchamp," Robyn apologised in a small whisper. "Ethan was upset though and...We wanted to do something for Cal."

"Right." Connie had her lips pursed. "Well, I just came down to tell you that they have finished the transplant."

"Really?" Ethan's eyes widened. "Are...Are they okay?"

Connie's face was serious but she soon broke out into a small smile. "It was a huge success," she said. "Cal and Lily are fine and they are currently both resting. You can see them but bear in mind that Lily is still open to infections so tread carefully please. I may have to give you some gloves and a gown to wear."

"See?" Robyn nudged Ethan's arm. "I told you that things would be okay. Go on, go and see them. You can take these with you for Cal, yeah?"

"It might be a good idea to take the cards and gifts later on," Connie said. "He's quite tired and we don't want to overwhelm him straight after surgery. Come on, Ethan."

Ethan was pretty nervous about seeing his brother but when he arrived, he realised that he had nothing to be afraid of. Cal was laying in bed, awake, and looking exactly the same as he did before he went in.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Ethan asked his brother.

"Okay." Cal shrugged his shoulders. "I've been better though. Have you seen Lily yet?"

"Not yet," Ethan said. "I'm going there in a little while. I'm so proud of you."

"I know, you've said," Cal laughed, and rolled his eyes. "It's good to see you though. You need to go and see Lily though."

"Why?" Ethan frowned. "She's okay, isn't she?"

"Of course she's okay," Connie said from across the room.

"She's fine," Cal reassured his brother. "But I bet she's waiting for you. She'll need you more than I do right now, I'm just the donor at the end of the day."

"But you're also my brother," Ethan said. "And you've done a really wonderful, brave thing."

"You can come back," Cal said. "Go and see how Lily's doing though, okay? Send her my love."

Ethan nodded and promised him that he would.

* * *

Connie made sure that Ethan was wearing a gown and a pair of gloves before he entered Lily's room. Ethan took a deep breath and squeezed some gel onto his hands, before walking in. Lily was clutching her teddy bear to her chest, and her eyes kept drooping every now and then.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty," Ethan teased and walked to the edge of her bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Gentle with her, Ethan," Connie whispered. She knew he would be, but felt protective over Lily nevertheless.

Ethan nodded at her and turned back to Lily, before crouching down to her level. "I'm proud of you. You've been so brave."

Lily managed a small smile and sniffed. "I'm sorry," she croaked out. "I'm just tired."

"That's understandable," Ethan said. "I was doing some research and it did say that you'd feel weak and tired after the transplant. Hey, just wait until you get home though eh?"

"I have to stay in hospital for a few weeks," Lily managed. "Just to allow the new cells to settle."

"Well, I'll still visit," Ethan said. "And I'll make sure I do. I love you."

"Hmm, I love you too," Lily groaned, her eyes drooping.

"I was going to drop by the hospital radio station to request a song for you," Ethan said. "It might cheer you up. Any particular song that you'd like to hear?"

Lily just shrugged her shoulders wearily.

"Hey come on now," Connie said, making her way over. "I'm sure you can think of something, Lily. What do you fancy? Take That, Adele, Coldplay?"

"I'm not sure," Lily whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Is she okay?" Ethan mouthed at Connie.

Connie nodded and mouthed, "Tired" before rubbing Lily's back and saying, "You don't feel too great either, do you sweetheart? It's only natural though. Hey, do you want me to choose something for you?"

Lily nodded.

"Okay, we'll discuss that in a bit, Ethan," Connie said. "And then we can let you know what time that'll be on, Lily. I'm sure you'll cheer up once you hear that. Do you want a hug?" Lily shook her head though. "No? Okay. Well, we'll allow you to sleep and I'll take Ethan back to Cal alright? He'll be back, don't worry."

But all Lily could do was nod her head as Ethan and Connie left her to sleep.

 **So the transplant was a great success! More to come x**


	24. Chapter 24

**sweeet-as-honey: I'm glad you liked it. I love brotherly scenes.**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: Me too. Thanks for reviewing.**

Chapter Twenty Four

Lily had just been sick.

"Is she okay?" Ethan panicked as he helped out by washing Lily's sick bowl out at the sink.

Lily was lying on the bed with her duvet in a heap at the end. One of her Hunger Games books sat open next to her alongside the bear but it didn't look as if Lily had read an awful amount. Ethan couldn't blame her, she'd been way too tired to do anything. Connie leaned over and wiped around Lily's mouth, making sure that she was okay and that she didn't need to throw up again.

"She's fine," Connie eventually answered. "You need to remember that she's had high doses of chemo to be able to get this transplant. It's going to take a while for her to feel well again."

"But then I'll be able to go home, right?" Lily croaked, wincing in pain as she moved.

"Are you in pain?" Connie asked, completely ignoring her question. "Truthfully." Lily faintly nodded. "Right, I thought so. You weren't doing too well at hiding that, you look as if you're in agony. Where does it hurt?"

"Just around my stomach," Lily mumbled, gesturing across her stomach.

"Let me have a look," Connie said, slowly lifting pyjama shirt. "Okay, you do have a very slight infection so we're going to have to get that cleaned out."

"You're just one disaster after another, aren't you?" Ethan joked, but Lily didn't look too amused. "Never mind. Infections happen."

"I'm going to have to keep a close eye on you, I think," Connie sighed, giving Lily a comforting and reassuring smile.

"I'm not getting any better," Lily said in a croaky voice, a single tear rolling down one side of her face.

"What do you mean, darling?" Connie asked. "You've just had a transplant for crying out loud. You're getting better, it's just a slight infection that we can easily deal with. Don't worry about it, okay?"

Lily managed a small nod.

"You need to think positive," Connie said. "And I know that's hard at the moment but trust me, it'll make things easier."

"Here," Ethan said gently and picked up her book, making sure to leave it open at where she'd last read. "Why don't you read for a bit, hmm?" Lily just shrugged her shoulders and rubbed at her head, feeling too weak and tired. "I could read it to you."

"That might be nice," Connie put in. "It's often quite nice to have someone reading to you when you're not feeling well."

"I'm not a baby," Lily whined, shifting uncomfortably in the bed.

"Sorry," Ethan said quietly, placing the book back down. "I was only trying to cheer you up, Lils."

"Why don't you head back to the ED?" Connie suggested to Ethan. "Lily's tired and we need to sort that infection out anyway before it worsens. Come on, I know you want to be here but you're still a registrar in the ED at the end of the day. You're more needed there than you are here."

"Sure," Ethan said. "I'll come and see you later, Lily."

Ethan forced a smile and exited the room. He hurried back down to the ED and Cal immediately pounced on him, throwing an arm around his shoulder. Ethan adjusted his glasses and flinched, not expecting his brother to be in such a hurry to see him.

"You, me, pub tonight," he said, jabbing Ethan hard in the chest.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Ethan questioned him.

"It's been a week, Nibbles," Cal said. "Mrs Beauchamp said that I'm okay to return back to my usual routine. Come on, it's been a while since the two of us just hung out as brothers." When Ethan didn't answer, he decided to change the subject. "How's Lily doing?"

"Um...Okay..." Ethan stuttered. "She has an infection."

"Gross." Cal grimaced. "Well, is...Is she okay?"

"I'm sure she'll be fine," Ethan sighed. "Mrs Beauchamp just wanted me to work. I would have stayed with Lily if I could."

Cal nodded at him. "Understandable," he said. "But the pub might be a good distraction for you. You've been spending an awful time with Lily lately and I'm not saying that that's a bad thing, but she's still sick Ethan. I can tell that it upsets you, so a bit of time with your old brother may help hmm?"

"I know what you're trying to do, Cal," Ethan said. "And I appreciate it, I really do. I did tell Lily that I'd go and visit her later though, after my shift."

"She'll be okay for one night," Cal said. "Dude, you look exhausted and I don't think you've been looking after yourself properly. Come on, you need a break from all of this. I guarantee that I will make sure you have a fantastic night out. You'll cheer up in seconds, just you wait and see."

"Are you sure?" Ethan asked.

"I promise you," Cal said.

"Okay, fine," Ethan sighed. "But I'll need to let Mrs Beauchamp know, just so Lily isn't expecting me."

Cal nodded and gave him a small smile. "That's fine," he said, pleased that Ethan had actually agreed to his idea.

* * *

"Here is a beer for you and a beer for me," Cal said, handing Ethan his drink before taking his seat. "Cheers," he said, and they clinked glasses. "So?" He had a sip of his drink before continuing. "Was Lily okay when she found out that you wouldn't be seeing her tonight?"

"Yeah, she was fine," Ethan replied. "She doesn't like to admit it that much but I don't think she likes being alone at the moment. Connie's offered to stay with her for the night though."

"She's been great with Lily, hasn't she?" Cal said.

"Yeah, I don't think she's slept much either," Ethan said and had some of his drink. "Thanks for this though. It...It means a lot."

"Don't mention it," Cal said. "I was beginning to worry about you, that's all. I thought that you could do with a night out."

"What about you, though?" Ethan sighed. "You donated so that Lily could have the transplant." Cal just shrugged his shoulders and had another sip, as if he didn't want to talk about it. "What's wrong?" Ethan asked.

"I just wish that people would stop making a big deal out of it," Cal said. "At the end of the day anyone would have helped Lily, if they could."

"Not necessarily," Ethan said. "It's a huge decision. I was talking to Alicia and she said that she wasn't sure if she could have done it."

"Alicia's new though, isn't she?" Cal sighed. "She hardly knows Lily. She wasn't there when she was first diagnosed. I did it because it was the only way to make Lily better, she needed me."

"Well, I'm proud of you," Ethan said. "Even if you don't think it's a massive deal."

Cal just grinned and watched as his younger brother sat back and relaxed with a beer.

* * *

Back in the hospital, Lily had got an early night and was sound asleep in bed. Connie sat in a chair next to her reading The Hunger Games aloud but not just for Lily's comfort, for her own as well. She yawned and glanced across at the young doctor, noticing that she was fast asleep. Smiling to herself, she stood up and switched off the bedside lamp before settling back down in the chair.


	25. Chapter 25

**Bonnie Sveen: Me too, and I love writing a strong friendship between them :-)**

Chapter Twenty Five

"Okay. Blood pressure is good and your temperature is normal," Connie said, as she finished examining Lily. "Everything looks perfect so you should be able to go home and continue treatment again on an outpatient basis."

Lily was so happy to hear that after a while of being in hospital, but she still felt nervous. Last time she'd been allowed to have treatment on an outpatient basis and she'd immediately been admitted to hospital again. She couldn't help but think what if that happened again? She smiled at Connie all the same, though, trying to look pleased with what the Clinical Lead had just told her.

"You look as if I've just told you that you've been fired," Connie laughed lightly. "You okay?"

"I...I don't know." Lily sighed. "What if...if it's all for nothing?"

"Lily," Connie exhaled. "You are loads better than you were before and believe me when I say that. That transplant really helped you."

"I owe Cal a thank you," Lily whispered, hanging her head. "I'm an awful person, Connie. Before I was diagnosed, I bullied half of the ED and I never even thanked Cal properly for donating."

"You've been gravely ill in a hospital bed," Connie mentioned. "He understands."

"Will I be allowed to go out if I go home?" Lily asked. "Like out to eat and to the cinema, and stuff like that?"

"Probably not, Lily," Connie said. "I'm sorry but we need to think about the infections. You don't want to get another one, do you? Your body is easily open to them at the moment so we need to be careful."

Lily nodded but Connie could tell that she was disappointed.

"Why do you ask?" Connie questioned her.

"I just wondered." Lily gave a small shrug the shoulders. "Ethan wanted to take me out on a date."

"He doesn't have to," Connie said. "You don't need to go out to have a good date. You could watch a film at home and cook a meal together, or order a takeaway."

"A proper date," Lily sighed, shaking her head at Connie.

"Lily, that is a proper date," Connie said. "I had my first date at home."

"Could you not afford to go to the cinema or something?" Lily chuckled.

"No." Connie smiled and shook her head, as she placed her tools back on the medicine trolley. "I was fifteen and the cutest boy at school had asked me out on a date. He wanted to take me to the beach but unfortunately, I got chicken pox that week."

"So did he cancel?" Lily raised her eyebrows.

"No," Connie answered. "He came round to my house, surprised me with a bunch of flowers and a pizza, and we lay on my bed and watched a film. What made it even nicer was that he had never had chicken pox before so, of course, he ended up catching it."

"So why did you break up then?" Lily asked. "He sounded like a really good guy."

"Distance," Connie said. "We were together the rest of school and then through college as well. We ended up going to different universities though and made a joint decision to see other people. It was for the best but I still think about him at times."

"I've never had much luck with relationships," Lily admitted. "And I don't think I've ever actually had a proper boyfriend."

"Well, I can tell that Ethan really likes you," Connie said. "And you don't need to go out to have a good time. He's a good guy as well and I think he'll do anything to spend time with you, and that includes staying at home with a pizza."

"Do you think so?" Lily asked.

"Of course," Connie said. "He refused to leave your side when you were in this hospital."

"I don't remember that," Lily said. "In fact I...I don't remember much actually."

"That'll probably be the chemo," Connie said and gave her shoulder a rub. "Or the fact that you were sleeping for most of that time. How are you feeling?"

"Okay, thank you," Lily said.

"That's good to hear," Connie said. "Now. How about we finish up here, get your stuff together, and I can drop you home. I don't see a reason why you'd need to spend another night here to be honest, not when you are doing so well."

"Um...Ethan did say that if...If I was able to go home, then he'd take me," Lily said. "Thank you for the offer, though."

"You see?" Connie nudged her arm. "He does like you."

Lily shrugged her shoulders and said, "Maybe."

* * *

"Does it feel good to be home then?" Ethan asked, as he and Lily sat on the sofa in front of the TV and tucked into a pizza. He had a bite of the pizza and allowed a piece of stringy cheese to drop onto his shirt. "I'm such a messy eater," he chuckled, determined to cheer Lily up and make her feel at ease.

"It does," Lily said. "And Connie said that I was doing loads better as well."

"That's great," Ethan said proudly. "When's your next appointment?"

"In a couple of days," Lily said. "I'm going to be going in pretty regularly just to double check that everything is running smoothly. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Ethan said. "What's on your mind?"

"Would you consider this as a date?" Lily asked. "I'm sorry that I...I let you down. I know how much you wanted to go out tonight, you've been wanting to see that film for ages."

"Hey, you didn't let me down," Ethan said. "And I don't want you thinking that you did either. I've really enjoyed tonight and I would certainly consider this as a date, we've been on a number of them now haven't we?"

"I guess," Lily sighed. "We've been on some and they've all been at home. I just want to feel normal, Ethan. I want to be able to watch these films and go to all these restaurants and I can't in case I fall ill. Even if I did go out, I'd be embarrassed. I've lost weight, I just feel constantly tired and most of my hair has fallen out."

"You're beautiful and you don't need to feel embarrassed. I know you want to feel normal though," Ethan said. "And I won't tell you that I understand because honestly, I don't. No one does unless they've been ill like you. We can download the films and watch them though, and we can still eat nice food at home. Hey, I can always go out and buy us a bottle of champagne as well."

Lily smiled and had to laugh at Ethan's kind gesture. "Thanks Ethan."

"Which is why I wanted to ask you a question," Ethan said. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Really?" Lily chewed on her lip to stop herself from yelling her reply in joy. "Yes, Ethan." She nodded. "Yes, I...I'll be your girlfriend."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Six

It was early and Lily was curled up on the sofa in her pyjamas still, the cruise tickets clutched in her fingers. She sighed heavily and chewed on the inside of her mouth, as she examined each one. She still didn't understand why Louise and Robyn had given them to her, to be honest. The date of the cruise was just before Christmas and she was worried that she wouldn't be well enough to go, even if she was doing better.

"Hey, get dressed!" Ethan said, smiling whilst strolling into the room, surprised to see that Lily was still in her pyjamas. "You have your hospital appointment this morning."

"I will do," Lily said quietly but she kept her eyes fixated on the tickets.

"What are you looking at?" Ethan asked her.

"Louise and Robyn gave them to me," Lily sighed and handed the tickets over to him. "They wanted me to go instead, except I might not be able to."

"There's still time," Ethan said, looking at the date of the cruise. "Don't worry, okay? You're doing really well and you will be going on that cruise this year. I promise you." And he gave her a comforting smile before handing the tickets back. "Who were you going to go with anyway?"

"You, of course," Lily answered, managing a genuine smile. "You're my boyfriend now."

"Good answer," he chuckled, and winked at her. "Come on now. Get dressed."

"I feel really tired this morning," Lily complained, slowly removing herself from the sofa. "Why couldn't I had my appointment this afternoon so I could sleep in?"

"I know you do," Ethan laughed, helping her up and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "But the appointment won't last long and then you can come home and sleep. How are you feeling this morning anyway?"

"I'm okay," Lily replied. "Just tired."

"I know, babe," Ethan soothed and gave her another kiss. "You know I mentioned a support group quite a while back?" He asked and Lily nodded. "I've found one. It's in the local area and it's had great reviews, do you fancy giving it a go?"

"I'm not sure," Lily said.

"Have a think about it for me," Ethan said. "But it could be helpful. I think you'd benefit a lot from it."

Lily nodded and promised that she would think about it.

"Good," Ethan said. "Now go on, go and get dressed."

* * *

The doctor was called Kayleigh. She had been one of her doctor's through Lily's diagnosis so she had grown used to her. Lily and Ethan both sat in the waiting room until Lily's name was called, flicking through old copies of magazines. Eventually Lily got called in and they headed inside to speak to Kayleigh.

"How have you been doing then, Lily?" Kayleigh asked, as Lily took a seat in the usual chair. "It's good to see you again. You're looking a lot brighter."

"I um...I think she feels it as well," Ethan said, reaching across and giving Lily's knee a rub. "I've certainly noticed a difference."

"Yeah, I've felt a bit better," Lily said. "I just get tired easily and I've been feeling pretty down as well. I didn't feel too great this morning. It's because I can't really go anywhere, apart from here."

"Where do you want to go?" Kayleigh asked.

"I just want the freedom like normal people do," Lily said. "But...A couple of our colleagues gave me tickets for a cruise. It's in the middle of December but even if I get better, I'll still need to be careful for a while because of infections. I really want to go and I'm scared that I won't be able to."

"I understand," Kayleigh sighed.

"No, you don't," Lily said.

"Actually, I do," Kayleigh corrected her. "Because I had Cancer in my early twenties. I was a lot younger than you and I was diagnosed during my time at university. It was an awful time as you can imagine but I made it through."

"I'm...I'm sorry." Lily apologized, realizinng how rude she sounded.

"Don't be, lovely." Kayleigh said kindly. "You weren't to know."

Lily exhaled in relief. "But... it still doesn't help the fact that I have this amazing, free holiday in place and I may not be able to go."

"I think you might be able to," Kayleigh said. "But we'll need to keep an eye on your progress, okay? It's looking good at the moment but the last thing that we need is for you to go downhill again."

Lily nodded in agreement, knowing that Kayleigh was right. She turned to Ethan and he gave her another small smile, probably wondering how long Lily had actually been feeling like that for. She didn't talk much about her illness at home and he never usually wanted to bring it up with her. She shifted uncomfortably and he wondered if she would have felt more comfortable by herself.

"Do you want a drink?" Ethan asked but Lily shook her head. "Okay, well I'm going to grab myself a coffee so I'll be back in a little while."

Lily nodded at him and Ethan rubbed her shoulder before leaving the room.

"He seems to really care about you," Kayleigh said to Lily.

"He suggested a support group," Lily said, as Kayleigh got on with the examination. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Well, I think it's a wonderful idea," Kayleigh said. "You get to meet people who have gone through similar experiences, and it'll help you feel better about your illness. It's definitely worth looking into, Lily."

"Okay," Lily replied.

The door opened and Lily expected it to be Ethan returning with his coffee. It was Connie instead.

"Good morning," she greeted and wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder. "How is my favourite patient?"

"I'm fine," Lily said. "Tired because I had to wake up at a ridiculous time."

"I do apologise," Connie sighed and sat down in Ethan's seat. "How is she doing anyway, Kayleigh?"

"Well," Kayleigh said. "Things are looking good to me. I think we're able to continue the treatment on an outpatient basis."

Connie smiled proudly at Lily. "Excellent news!"


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty Seven

Lily nervously stepped through the door with Ethan at her side. Long tables ladened with food and drink ran down each side, whilst a circle of chairs stood in the middle of the room. It looked like a pretty nice set-up but Lily still felt scared, almost petrified of talking to a bunch of random strangers about her illness. Even if they were going through similar stuff, it was still nerve-wracking.

People walked past Lily and Ethan and immediately took their seats, obviously having a regular chair that they sat on from previous sessions. Lily seemed to be the only newbie. She had never done well at making friends and her sudden diagnosis of Leukaemia had knocked her confidence a little bit.

"Are you going to be okay?" Ethan asked, wondering why Lily hadn't taken any more steps.

"I'm not sure," Lily sighed, as she examined the room. "Can we just go home please?"

"Lily, what's the matter?" Ethan asked. "Come on, you usually have no problem stepping foot in a room full of strangers. You started at the ED without knowing anyone, right? From what I heard you wouldn't shut up all day."

"This is different," Lily told him. "They're all sick, like me."

"Hey, come here," Ethan said and pulled her in for a hug. "You'll be fine. You're right, none of us understand what you're going through but these people do. You can walk in there and scream the place down if you wanted, I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate to join you."

Lily faintly nodded at her boyfriend just as a woman with curly, blonde hair arrived next to them.

"Can I help you at all?" She asked.

"Um..." Ethan pulled away from the hug and gestured towards Lily. "This is Lily Chao..."

"Doctor Lily Chao," Lily corrected him quickly, wanting people to know that she was a doctor so knew everything that she possibly could know about her illness.

"Doctor Lily Chao," Ethan repeated and subtly rolled his eyes. "She'll be joining the group today."

"Ah, fresh face." The woman beamed and held her hand out to Lily. Reluctantly, Lily shook it. "My name is Alison. I'll be running the group. Why don't you take the chair beside me and that woman over there..." She pointed to a woman with short, brown hair. She had a stick so was obviously blind. "That's Jordan, she's lovely and I think she'll be able to show you the ropes. Your friend can stay if he wants to?"

"Boyfriend," Lily corrected, turning towards Ethan. "But I think I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Ethan asked, giving her back a rub.

"I'm sure," Lily said after only a few seconds hesitation. "I need to start coming here on my own anyway so I might as well start today."

"I'm so proud of you," Ethan said and kissed her forehead. "I'll come and pick you up later. Have fun, yeah?"

Lily nodded and Ethan left the community centre. She took a deep breath and followed Alison over to where she and Jordan sat. Lily waited as Alison introduced her to Jordan, telling her in every single detail what Lily looked like. Jordan soon smiled though and Alison gestured for Lily to sit down.

"Hi," Jordan greeted her. "So what are you here for then?"

"Um...Leukaemia," Lily answered shyly. "I'm still going through treatment but I've recently had a bone marrow transplant. What about you?"

"Brain tumour," she said. "I'm okay now but the tumour resulted in vision loss. I have my stick though! I do have a guide dog but I don't bring him here as Jess over there has a severe allergy to them."

"So do I," Lily said, with a small smile.

"I'm glad I'm not allergic," Jordan said. "I love my little Shadow way too much. Still, I don't want anyone being admitted to hospital with an allergic reaction and he works so hard, he deserves the rest."

"So can you not see at all?" Lily asked.

"Not a thing." She shook her head. "Sucks really. I had to give up my job as a doctor."

"You were a doctor?" Lily questioned and raised her eyebrows. "Me too."

"Really?" Jordan asked. "Are you local?" Lily nodded. "So you must work at Holby then, yeah? Holby City? I travel two hours to get here so you wouldn't know the hospital that I work at."

"Two hours?" Lily asked. "That's an awful long way."

"Tell me about it," Jordan said. "Still, I don't mind. It's worth it, I love coming here. So um...What do you do anyway?"

"I'm a junior doctor in the Emergency Department," Lily said.

"Nice." Jordan gave her a nod. "I started out as a junior doctor myself. I was a consultant when I got diagnosed. I have another job that doesn't require me to have my vision. I do miss my doctoring days sometimes, though."

"I love my job," Lily said. "I wouldn't be me without it. I hope to go back when I get better."

"And I'm sure that'll happen for you," Jordan said kindly.

"Okay," Alison said when she'd finished making some notes in her notebook. "Let us get started. As you have all probably gathered, we have a new face joining us today." She gestured towards Lily and added, "This is Lily Chao, so I would like you all to make her feel welcome, please. Lily, what we do here is talk about any problems or struggles that we may have. No one is going to judge you and you don't have to talk if you don't want to. There is food and drink all prepared for afterwards."

Lily thanked her and took a deep breath to try and get her anxiety under control.

"Okay, so who would like to go first?" Alison asked the group.

* * *

Lily stood by the entrance to the community centre and sent a text message to Ethan to let him know that she'd finished. The session hadn't gone too badly and secretly, she was pretty glad that she'd gone. Everyone had been so lovely and welcoming and in a way, it had made her feel loads better.

"Hey," Jordan greeted and walked over with her stick held out in front. "I'm really glad you came today. It was lovely to meet you."

"Yes, you too," Lily said. "And it was nice to know another doctor as well."

"Do you need a lift home?" Jordan asked. "My sister should be here in a second. I'm sure she'll give you a lift as well."

"Thank you very much for the offer, but my boyfriend's coming to pick me up," Lily said.

"No worries, come and have some food," Jordan said. "There's juice and biscuits, or if you fancy something warm, you can have a tea or a coffee. Will you be coming back next week?"

Lily beamed and said, "Probably" as the two of them walked over towards one of the tables. "Do you need some help?" Lily offered.

"I'm fine," Jordan said. "Alison usually puts everything in the exact same place so I can feel my way around the table. She's really good like that. What did you think of her?"

"She was nice," Lily said.

"Her daughter died of cancer a few years ago," Jordan informed her. "So I think that's why she went into doing stuff like this. Her daughter was only thirteen."

"I...I'm so sorry," Lily sympathised and glanced over at Alison, who was having a cup of tea and chatting to a couple of people. "I never knew that."

"I'm nosy, see?" Jordan asked. "I only found out because I asked her why she decided to run groups. I like to find out stuff about people."

Lily picked up a chocolate biscuit and nodded, as Jordan helped herself to one as well. Someone who Jordan obviously knew really well poured her a cup of orange juice and rushed off to speak to someone else. Lily smiled at the nice feeling of fitting in before spotting Ethan over by the door. She waved him over and he came to give her a hug and a kiss.

"How'd it go?" He asked.

"Really well actually," Lily said and gestured towards her new friend. "This is Jordan. She's a doctor as well."

"It's nice to meet you," Ethan said.

"You too," Jordan greeted him and carried on with making a snack.

"Are you ready to go?" Ethan questioned his girlfriend.

Lily nodded and finished off her biscuit before taking hold of Ethan's hand. Lily said goodbye to Jordan and as the two of them were leaving, Alison came over to say a quick goodbye to Lily as well.

"And will we see you next week?" Alison asked her.

"Yes," Lily said with a smile. "I think you will."

 **A nice happy chapter there and it's good that Lily's made a** **friend who understands her illness. Thanks for reading.**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty Eight

On November the 13th, Lily became a cancer survivor. She honestly wasn't expecting to hear such good news, after the complications that she had experienced during her illness. It felt good and she felt so relieved as if a huge weight had just been lifted off of her shoulder. She'd been preparing quite a bit for her own death, without telling anybody of course, as she didn't wish to upset them.

"I am so proud of you," Connie said, wrapping her arms around Lily's neck and squeezing her tightly. "You've worked hard to get where you are today. You should be really proud of yourself."

"Yeah," Lily whispered, still trying to process the news. "I...I am. Really proud."

"You will still have to have regular appointments with us," Jac informed her. "And you're still going to have to be careful of infections as well."

"I just can't believe it," Lily said, tears filling her eyes. She honestly couldn't care less about the regular appointments. She had survived and was happy. That was all that counted in her books.

"Hey, those ought to be happy tears," Connie joked.

"They are." Lily nodded at her, sniffing. "Believe me, they are."

Lily's tears began to slip down her face as she leant against Connie. She wiped at her watery eyes with her sleeves and Connie gave her back a comforting rub, knowing that she was probably feeling a bit overwhelmed with the news that she'd just received.

"Hey," Said Connie gently.

Jac just focused on the notes that she was writing to try and give Connie and Lily some time alone.

"Why are you crying?" Connie whispered, dabbing at Lily's eyes with a tissue. "I know they're happy tears and everything, but I thought they would have stopped by now. Darling, what's the matter?"

"I don't want to say," Lily wept, shaking her head at Connie. "You'll think I'm stupid."

"No, I won't," Connie chuckled. "Considering everything that you've been through, you have no reason at all to feel stupid. Come on, talk to me please, because this is fantastic news and I just thought that you might have been a bit happier about it."

"I just really thought that I was going to die," Lily whispered in between sobs. "I guess I'm just shocked. I didn't think that I'd make it." She forced a smile through her tears and said, "Could we contact my parents?"

"Lily," Connie sighed, continuing to rub Lily's back. "They've hardly visited you, even when we were trying to get a transplant sorted. I don't..."

"They just found it hard," Lily cut her off. "But I'm better now, aren't I? They might talk to me again."

"Well, of course, we can try," Connie said, smiling back at her. "They will need to know that their girl is okay now, won't they?" Secretly Connie hated Lily's parents for what they'd put their daughter through, they hadn't been there at all for her. If that had been Grace, she would have wanted to be at her bedside constantly. "And I think your colleagues are waiting to hear if you're okay as well."

"I've scheduled your next appointment," Jac interrupted as soon as there was a break in the conversation, passing a piece of paper to Lily. "This is a follow-up appointment so it is very important that you attend it. The appointment might not necessarily be with me but certainly with a doctor that you've seen before."

"What if it comes back?" Lily questioned. It had been a fear that had been on her mind for a while now, but she'd never had the courage to ask it. "What if it comes back in the future?"

"That's a worry that a lot of people in your situation have," Jac said. "But it's usually best not to think about it. If, however, it's still on your mind then we can discuss it more on your next appointment. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, Miss Naylor," Lily said politely and professionally.

"I'll let you get off so that you can have a bit of time to process the news and celebrate with your colleagues," Jac said. "It's lovely to see you feeling better."

"I have one more question," Lily asked in a quiet voice. "This cruise in December, would I be able to go on it?"

Jac grinned at her, knowing how much Lily wanted to go, and just said, "I have no doubt about that."

Lily's smile grew and she nodded and looked to Connie, as the two of them left the cubicle. She took a deep breath and held the piece of paper to her chest, still in complete shock and awe that she had been given the all clear. Connie wrapped an arm around her middle and rested her chin on the top of her hair, so pleased to hear that Lily was going to be okay. They walked down to the ED in silence, Lily's chest tightening with every anxious breath that she took. She couldn't even imagine Ethan's reaction to what she was about to tell him.

Ethan was stood by the reception desk, going through a set of notes with Cal. As soon as he saw Lily, he stopped what he was doing immediately and looked over with a massive grin on his face. He didn't expect Lily to run over and throw herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

"Whoa!" Ethan stumbled back slightly and lifted her. "Hey, what's all this? Good appointment?"

"Excellent," Lily corrected him. "I can finish the treatment."

"Seriously?" Ethan's eyes widened and Lily nodded, newly found tears forming in her eyes. "Oh my gosh, that's amazing," Ethan said, squeezing her as hard as he possibly could. "I'm so proud of you," he said and kissed her forehead, close to tears himself.

"That's really good news, Lily," Cal said, hovering awkwardly beside Ethan, not really knowing what to say. "Come here, our little cancer survivor."

Lily nodded and pulled away from Ethan so that she could give Cal a hug as well.

"How are you feeling?" Cal asked her. "Are you happy?"

"Shocked," Lily laughed. "But yes, I'm happy."

"And so you should be," Connie said, walking back over after giving Lily some time alone with the brothers. "You've worked so hard. We're all really proud of you."

"Mrs Beauchamp, could you let everyone else know?" Lily asked Connie.

"I think you can give them the news, but I don't mind telling them if you'd prefer," Connie said, arms folded across her chest. "Hey. This'll be something to announce at the support group next week, won't it?" Lily nodded in agreement, as Connie gave her one more hug.

* * *

"What's this about, Mrs Beauchamp?" Robyn asked as everyone gathered in reception for the random staff meeting that had been announced. "Is everything okay?"

"Things are fine," Connie said. "I have some news regarding Lily, though."

Everyone was silent, fearing the bad news that was about to come. What was going to happen now? Was Lily dying? How long did she have left exactly; days, weeks, months?

"Is...Is she okay?" Alicia stuttered.

She hadn't known Lily for as long as the others but it still worried her, Lily was so young and going through chemo and bone marrow transplants were awful. She wouldn't wish it on anyone.

"She is absolutely fine," Connie said with a massive smile. "She's able to finish treatment."

"Really?" Louise asked in shock. "So does that mean she's...cured?"

"She will have to have a few follow-up appointments," Connie informed them. "But she won't need to have any more treatment. The Leukemia has gone and Lily can start getting back to normal again."

"Oh my god!" Robyn squealed. "That's amazing!"

 **A nice happy chapter after all that Lily has been through and the start of her recovery. I hope you enjoyed it. Some more chapters to come before the end of the story :-) x**


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty Nine

It was a Saturday and Cal was working. Ethan had the day off luckily, which he was pleased about because it meant that he could stay home and take care of Lily. She was due to go into Holby for an appointment on Monday and she'd been getting very anxious over it. She'd also been sleeping lots as well but Ethan wasn't too worried about that, he knew that it was normal after treatment.

He was in the middle of washing up after lunch, when there was a knock at the door. He quickly sprinted, praying that the noise wouldn't wake Lily, and opened it to see two surprise visitors standing there. His first reaction was to slam the door in their faces but instead he just stood there with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open like a fish.

"Mr and Mrs Chao," he greeted. "What...What are you doing here?"

"We are here to visit our daughter," Sandra said, stepping straight into the flat. "In you come, Oliver."

"But..." Ethan went to say, as Sandra handed her coat over to him. "Lily's sleeping."

"Then we'll wait," Sandra snapped, lips pursed.

"Sandra," Oliver whispered to his wife, sighing heavily. "Maybe this wasn't the best idea."

"What's going on?" Ethan asked, noticing the death glare that he was receiving from Lily's mother. "Have I done something wrong?"

"It's more what haven't you done," Sandra said. "Our daughter survives cancer and you don't even have the decency to call us and let us know that? Has Lily not been staying with you through treatment?"

Ethan sighed and rolled his eyes, turning to hang Sandra's expensive fur coat up on one of the pegs on the wall.

"Okay, how did you find out?" He asked the couple.

"Your brother rang and told us," Sandra said. "He did the right thing. Nice chap, he is."

"He shouldn't have called you," Ethan said, sighing as if his brother was there. "In my defence, none of you have visited Lily that much at all when she was going through treatment. You came the one time and then she saw nothing of you after that. She may be old enough to care for herself but she still needs her parents, especially when she was seriously ill in hospital."

"It's hard for us," Sandra said, tears in her eyes.

"It's hard for everyone," Ethan corrected her, starting to get wound up. "But we were there because we knew that Lily needed us. She was sick and she was scared. I didn't phone you because frankly, I didn't think you cared."

"Of course we care!" Oliver shouted in frustration. "What a horrible thing to say!"

"We're sorry that we weren't there," Sandra sobbed. "But please let us see our daughter, you can't stop her. We're really proud of Lily and we always have been. We want her to know that and we want to make sure that she's okay."

"Is she?" Oliver questioned, soon changing his tune. "Okay?"

"She's tired," Ethan whispered. "Very tired. She hasn't had much energy lately and she's been feeling quite low but it's all natural, especially after treatment. It'll take her a while to fully recover."

"Can we see her?" Sandra asked quietly. "Please?"

"Take a seat in the living room," Ethan said, keeping his voice soft and quiet, glad that the shouting was over. "I'll go and see if she's awake at all."

Ethan left Sandra and Oliver standing in the hallway and slowly made his way across to Lily's room. He knocked lightly and tip-toed in, in case she was still asleep. She was. Her head was resting on about six pillows and she was hugging her bear tightly. Sun shone through the window and Ethan wondered how on earth it hadn't actually woken her. He shut the door and cleared his throat, gently sitting down on the edge of her bed.

"Lily," he whispered and lovingly stroked the side of her face. "Beautiful."

Lily groaned wearily and her eyes slowly fluttered open. She buried her face in one of the pillows and rubbed at her eyes, glancing towards Ethan. It usually took her a while to wake up and gain her energy back after being asleep for so long, so Ethan didn't force anything onto her straight away.

"Ethan," she yawned, rolling onto her back so that she was looking up at him. "What's happened?"

"Nothing," he reassured her. "Nothing's happened. Your parents are here, though, they want to see you."

"How?" Lily sat up in bed, allowing the bear to fall to the floor. "What are they doing here?"

"Cal rang them apparently," Ethan sighed. "I'm sorry and I will be having words with him about it."

"Why do they want to see me?" Lily asked.

Ethan shrugged his shoulders and said, "I told them to take a seat in the living room. Come on, why don't you come and say a quick hello? Cal told them that you'd finished treatment so I think they just want to see if you're okay."

"They hardly visited me at all," Lily whispered.

"I know, but they told me that they're proud of you," Ethan said.

"They have never been proud of me," Lily told him.

"I'm sure that's not true," Ethan said. "Come and have a chat with them. I'll stay with you."

Lily faintly nodded and allowed Ethan to help her out of bed. She felt like a right state; she could barely keep her eyes open, she was wearing an old pair of Winnie the Pooh pyjamas and her hair was a tangled mess. Ethan had to remind her that it was her mum and dad though who'd looked after her for years until she moved out and that it wasn't a visit from the queen.

"So what are you really doing here?" Lily asked, as she sat on the sofa between her parents.

"Why didn't you tell us that you'd finished treatment?" Sandra asked, a hand on her daughter's leg.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Ethan said in a small voice. "But would anyone like a drink?"

Sandra and Oliver shook their heads but Lily asked for a glass of water, which Ethan grabbed straight away for her. Lily sipped at it nervously, as her mum told her how proud she was and how she always knew that she'd survive. If her parents had told her of this before now, Lily might've been more touched by their words.

"Why did you never come to see me then?" Lily asked. "I was scared, I needed my parents."

"We're sorry," Oliver apologised. "But we were scared as well. I guess we didn't know what to do."

"But we are proud, Lily," Sandra said. "Extremely. And we're so happy and pleased that you're okay."

"You never said that you were proud of me before," Lily mentioned in a quiet, choked up voice.

"Well we are," Oliver said. "And we should have said it more. We're sorry."

Sandra nodded in agreement and gently hugged Lily. "How are you feeling darling?" Lily just shrugged her shoulders, unsure of what to say. "You're continuing with the doctor appointments, aren't you?"

"Of course I am," Lily whispered. "I um...I have one on Monday."

"That's good to hear," Sandra said, with a small smile. "I love you so much, Lily."

"Yeah," Oliver put in and placed an arm around Lily's shoulder. "We both do."

 **The story is almost finished. Sorry for the long wait in an update, I've been trying to think of how to write the last few chapters but I have a couple of ideas up my sleeve now x**


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

"I just cannot believe you called them," Ethan yelled angrily at his older brother.

It was Monday morning and Ethan was taking the opportunity to have a go at his brother. He'd arrived home late on Saturday and then he was working again on Sunday, so Ethan and Lily had hardly seen him all weekend.

"They're Lily's parents," Cal made the point of saying. "I thought that I was doing the right thing. They needed to know the fact that their own daughter had finished treatment. If that was you and Mum was still alive, wouldn't you want her to know?"

"Of course but I would have wanted to tell her myself," Ethan said. "I was giving Lily time."

"She'd had enough time, Ethan," Cal said. "I was only helping, okay?"

Ethan rolled his eyes and made his way into the kitchen. Lily was still in her pyjamas, sat at the table with a soggy bowl of cereal in front of her. It looked as if she hadn't had any mouthfuls at all, which worried Ethan greatly. She needed to eat, no matter how exhausted she was.

"Lily, you need to have something," he whispered.

Lily nodded, tears filling her eyes. Ethan hated seeing her so upset, he thought that she'd be loads happier since finishing treatment but she just seemed to be going downhill again.

"What's wrong?" He panicked.

"I'm just really tired," Lily mumbled. "I want to go back to bed."

"You slept for like twelve hours," Cal chuckled. "How can you still be tired?"

"Shut up, Cal," Ethan hissed and turned back to his girlfriend. "I know you're tired but you can go back to sleep later, okay? You need to go in for this appointment, though. Come on, I know you don't have a lot of energy at the moment but after a while, you'll be feeling right as rain again. I promise."

Lily managed a small smile and whispered, "Thanks. I'm still not that hungry, though."

"Okay," Ethan sighed. "Let's at least get you dressed. Come on, I'll help you."

* * *

"Mrs Beauchamp, can I have a word?" Ethan asked as he walked over to where Connie stood by the coffee machine.

He sighed and glanced across at Lily who was sat cross-legged on a chair, flicking through an old copy of Inside Soap. Her eyes kept drooping and she was dressed in an old Superdry hoodie and a pair of tracksuit bottoms. He decided to make sure that she was comfortable as possible for her appointment, even if she didn't look her absolute best.

"Lily has been incredibly tired lately," Ethan said. "I'm worried about her."

"Why?" Connie asked, handing him a coffee before making herself one.

"Well, she...That was how she felt before she was diagnosed," Ethan said in a small voice.

"Ethan," Connie sighed and turned round to face him. "Fatigue is normal. You know that. I know you're worried but she's going to have some long-term side effects after her treatment. She's been going through chemotherapy for months and months so it will take her a while to get her energy back."

"I just hate seeing her so weak," Ethan said sadly. "She's Lily; she's strong and fierce and independent."

"I know," Connie said with a small smile, and she had a sip of her hot drink. "Trust me, I hate it as well. Like I said during her treatment, though, it's important to make sure that Lily doesn't see you upset."

"I know," Ethan said, as he and Connie made their way back over to Lily. "How are you doing? Is there anything interesting going on in the soaps?"

"Well, this is from five years ago," Lily said, holding up the magazine. "So even if there was, we missed it."

"Fair enough," Ethan laughed and sat down to drink his coffee.

"How's work been?" Lily asked Connie, as she sat on the other side of her.

"Oh, you know?" Connie sighed. "Busy. We're missing you." Lily smiled, not sure as to whether Connie was just saying that to try and make her feel better. "Ethan said you've been feeling tired." Lily nodded, yawning. "If you ever want me to come round, I can do. I know it's sometimes easier at times like this to be with people."

"I just don't feel like I can do anything for myself," Lily said. "Even the simplest tasks are extremely difficult. Ethan had to help me get dressed for crying out loud."

"It will get easier, sweetheart," Connie said, pulling Lily in towards her for a hug. "Besides, we like looking after you so don't go feeling like a burden. You will feel tired, just try and take things easy and don't rush into doing anything straight away."

"Lily Chao!" Kayleigh soon called, stepping out of the office briefly.

"Come on beautiful," Ethan said.

He took hold of Lily's hand and lead her into the office. Connie followed them. Jac was sat on a chair in the corner and Kayleigh made sure to give Lily a reassuring smile as she walked in with her support system behind her.

"Let's just get this over with," Lily said, throwing herself onto one of the chairs. "I'm tired."

"So the attitude is coming back then," Connie laughed.

"We'll be as quick as we can," Jac promised. "So have you been okay?" Lily nodded, tucking her hands into her sleeves. "That's good to hear. You and Ethan have that cruise coming up soon, don't you? Then it's Christmas so that'll be nice. I assume that you are going on the cruise."

"We're going," Lily whispered. "But I doubt I'll be doing any active activities. Laying on a sun lounger is enough for me right now."

"I think that's enough for anyone," Jac said. "It's certainly the sort of holiday I'd be looking for."

"It should be good fun," Ethan said, as he leant against the door with his hands behind his back. "We could both do with the break."

"I bet," Kayleigh put in, as she sat beside Lily. "Right. Let's get you looked out then. Have you had any symptoms of infection at all? A sore throat? Temperature?"

"No." Lily shook her head. "I've just been tired."

"Well that's normal," Kayleigh said, as she examined Lily carefully. "Well, things are looking good. I do want you to carry on with the check-ups so that we can make sure the cancer has gone."

Lily still flinched at the C word. It caused her skin to crawl.

"When can I return to work?" Lily asked in a small voice.

"Let's not talk about that just yet," Connie spoke before anyone else could, and placed a hand on Lily's shoulder. "There's a lot to discuss and I know that you're tired. I'd rather you go straight home right after your check-up."

"But I want to come back to work," Lily argued.

"Not yet, Lily," Ethan whispered and shook his head at her. "You're not ready."

"We will discuss it another time," Connie said. "I promise. For now, though; come in for your appointments, get as much rest as you possibly can, go and enjoy your cruise with Ethan, and we'll look at your job after Christmas."

Lily looked like she wanted to argue before Ethan cut in hurriedly. "That's good, Lils. It means that you won't be replaced or anything, so that's great, yeah?"

After a few seconds of careful deliberation, Lily sighed, knowing that she couldn't win this. "Yeah. It is."

 **This is probably one of my favourite stories that I've written. I've** **really enjoyed it and although it's nearing the end, there are still a few chapters left to go :-) x**


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty One

Lily and Ethan were both fast asleep, except they weren't in their own beds. Instead, they were lying on a pair of sun loungers on the cruise of a lifetime.

Ethan was the first to wake up, making sure to take in the gleaming sunshine and the relaxing sound of the waves. It was cold out but the jumper that he was wearing kept him feeling nice and cosy. Besides, the cold didn't matter, seeing as it was sunny out.

He took a deep breath and glanced across at Lily who was still sound asleep. He didn't want to wake her so he decided to go and explore the ship for a short while. The fact that Louise and Robyn had given them this trip made it even more special; Louise wasn't the nicest person after all.

He smiled and crossed his arms against the side of the boat, looking out over the sea. People could be heard dancing and laughing downstairs in the dining hall and many others were just like him and Lily, asleep and enjoying the sun on the top deck.

Seagulls sang to him and waves washed up against the side of the ship. When he was younger he always got extremely seasick so he was surprised at how okay he actually felt. Maybe it was because he was with the love of his life, the woman who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. After all, this trip was for Lily and he didn't want to ruin it for her by puking every five seconds.

"What are you looking at?"

He jumped as he heard Lily's voice and noticed that she was stood directly behind him with her arms folded across her chest. She was dressed warmly in a knitted dress, tights and a snug pair of UGG boots and Ethan thought that she looked beautiful. She was still self-conscious about the lack of hair that she had so she wore a huge, floppy, black sunhat to try and keep the sun out of her eyes. It suited her.

"Just the view," Ethan said, turning to face her. "Good sleep?"

"The best." Lily nodded at him. "Yourself?"

"Yeah." Ethan nodded back. "Me too."

"So, what time are our dinner reservations?" Lily asked him.

Ethan glanced at his watch. "In a couple of hours. You hungry?" Lily nodded and came to stand beside him. "Me too. This is beautiful, isn't it?" He added and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah, it is," she agreed, leaning her head against his shoulder. "I'm so happy. I don't want to go home."

"Neither do I," Ethan chuckled, rubbing small circles up and down her back. "Come on," he said and kissed her forehead. "Fancy a walk around the ship for a bit? Then we can go down to eat."

"Sure," she said. "As long as we don't walk fast."

"We won't," Ethan promised, remembering that Lily didn't have as much energy as she used to. "Come on, let's go."

Lily nodded and Ethan kept his arm around his girlfriend, as they began to explore the ship. Lily folded her arms to keep her warm and leant closer towards Ethan as they walked.

The cruise ship was amazing. There were various dining areas throughout, a theatre, a cinema, a games room and then the top deck was used for lounging and admiring the gorgeous view. The entire ship was huge and Ethan's biggest fear was that he'd end up getting lost. He had never been good in big places.

"Hey," Lily said, locking eyes with him. "Merry Christmas by the way."

"What are you talking about?" Ethan laughed at her, leaning down to give her a kiss on the lips. "We'll be home before Christmas."

"I know we will," Lily said. "But this is kind of an early Christmas present for us, right?"

"Yeah," Ethan said, not really thinking about it that way. "I guess it is. We should take a selfie, to send to Robyn and Louise. They did get us this trip after all."

"What's a selfie?" Lily questioned, frowning at him with a deep look of confusion.

"You seriously don't know what a selfie is?" Ethan asked. He'd never been the most educated when it came to the latest trends and whatnot, but even he knew what a selfie was. Perhaps it was Cal's influence. "Here, I'll show you. We'll use my phone, right?"

Lily nodded and Ethan pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket. He clicked onto his camera, turned it round and held it out in front of him and Lily.

"Get in closer," he said so that their faces were both on the screen. "And smile!" He grinned and held Lily close to him, whilst clicking to take the photo. "And that is a selfie," he said, holding it closer so that he could show Lily the photo. "Like it?"

"I look awful," Lily said, examining the photo carefully.

"No you don't, you look amazing," Ethan said, giving her another kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

Dinner was a usual three course meal and one of the best meals that Ethan and Lily had ever had. Lily felt pleased to be able to eat some proper food without wanting to throw up every time. They both had ribs for starter, and a beautiful hot roast full of meat and vegetables for the main course. Lily had chicken and Ethan had beef. For dessert, Ethan had cheesecake and Lily had ice-cream with strawberry sauce. They were both stuffed by the end.

"Are you having fun?" Ethan asked.

"Of course," Lily said, and had a sip of the champagne that had been provided for them. "Are you?"

"Yeah, I am," Ethan said, taking his phone out of his pocket. "Robyn's replied to the photo that I sent. She says she's really pleased that we're having a good time, hopes you're okay and she'll see us when we get back."

"That's nice of her," Lily said.

"Excuse me?" One of the waiters interrupted them and strolled over to their table. "Are you Ethan Hardy and Lily Chao?"

"Um...Yes..." Ethan stuttered, glancing briefly across at Lily. "Can we help?"

"Your friends wanted you to have this," he said and brought out an even bigger bottle of Champagne, with a pink bow tied around the middle. "I hear that you're celebrating some good news."

"I guess," Ethan said, taking the bottle from him. "But... friends? Who?"

"Yeah, how... how do you know?" Lily asked nervously.

"Louise Tyler and Robyn Miller," he said. "As well as some other friends and colleagues from Holby City Hospital. Congratulations."

Lily smiled shyly. "Thank you."

"Yeah," Ethan agreed, reaching under the table to squeeze Lily's hand. "Thank you."

"And I would like you both to meet me later on in the theatre," he said, continuing with the posh accent. "There will be a special show just for the two of you."

"Wow, VIP treatment," Lily said, awkwardly shrugging her shoulders. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome." The waiter nodded and strolled away.

"That was really nice of them," Lily said. "Champagne and a private theatre show."

"I know," Ethan said. "But I didn't come on the cruise to get free champagne, see private theatre shows, and... basically have a free holiday."

"You didn't?" Lily asked.

"No." Ethan shook her head and gave her another, loving kiss. "I came to spend some quality time with my girlfriend."

 **The next chapter will be a time skip :-) x**


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty Two

 _Two years later._

"Are you currently on any medication?"

Lily awaited her patient's answer as she examined the notes resting in her hands.

Lorna Chambers rubbed at her sore wrist and shrugged her shoulders. Lily could tell that she was concerned about something and it was important that Lorna told her the truth, especially if it was affecting her health.

"Mrs Chambers," Lily said firmly. "I will not ask you again, are you currently on any medication?"

"I...I've recently been diagnosed with breast cancer," she whispered.

"It doesn't say so here," Lily pointed out.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you," she apologised. "I'm just so embarrassed, though. My husband doesn't even know."

Lily gulped and felt tears fill her eyes. She tried to focus on Lorna's notes, though, but it wasn't a great distraction.

It had been two years since she'd finished her treatment and so much had changed; she'd got married and she had been promoted to a registrar. Her immune system was still low and she'd never forgotten the horrible time that she'd gone through. It would stay with her always.

"Have you had any treatment for it?" Lily asked in a quiet voice.

"Not yet," Lorna said. "I just don't know what to say to my friends and family. No one will understand. I...I'm just scared."

"I understand," Lily told her somberly. She looked down at her hands and swallowed, muttering 'I really do' under her breath.

"What?" Lorna raised her eyebrows at her.

"I um...I was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia," Lily informed her. "I am better now, I finished treatment two years ago but I do still get upset over it. I spent the majority of my time in a hospital bed and it was awful. They did catch it early though and I had a bone marrow transplant and batches of chemotherapy. I survived though and I am thankful for the treatment that I received."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," Lorna said to her.

"You weren't to know," Lily said. "Because like you, I like to keep it secret. You don't have to tell everyone but at least tell the people that you are close to, especially your husband."

"I'm terrified," she said quietly.

"That's understandable," Lily said. "Why don't I go and fetch him for you? He'll be worrying."

Lorna took a nervous breath but nodded in agreement. In her heart, she knew that Lily was right. It felt better knowing that Lily had also gone through cancer, it made her feel like she wasn't alone.

"I'll be right back," Lily said and exited the cubicle. "Robyn!" She called.

"Yes, Lily?" Robyn questioned, walking over obediently.

"Could you go and find Mr Chambers for me?" Lily asked. "His wife is in cubicles."

"Will do," Robyn said. "Oh, and Ethan is looking for you. He's in the staffroom."

"Thank you," Lily said with a small smile and made her way towards the staffroom.

She took a deep breath and ran a tired hand through her hair. She really did love her job and she was so happy with her promotion but she kept counting down the moments until the end of her shift, longing to climb into bed with a good book. Seeing Ethan soon put a smile on her face.

"Hey," she greeted and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Robyn said that you were looking for me."

"Yeah." Ethan nodded, hands in his pockets. "Um...Did...Did you take the test?"

Lily fell silent and hung her head so that her hair fell in front of her face. "I did," she replied. "Negative."

"Oh Lils," Ethan sighed, pulling her in for a hug. She sniffed and buried her face in his shirt whilst he gently stroked her hair. "I'm sorry. Why don't you take another one?"

"That's the tenth time we've tried," Lily said in a breaking voice. "There's no point. Every single test that I take just comes back negative."

"Well, why don't you talk to Mrs Beauchamp?" Ethan asked. "She may be able to get you booked in for an appointment?" Lily faintly shrugged her shoulders. "Don't you want to know if there's something wrong? You want a baby, right?"

"Of course I do," Lily said, stunned that he could even ask such a question. It was one of the few things she desperately wanted.

"Then go and talk to Connie," Ethan said, keeping his arms wrapped around her neck.

"It's just embarrassing," Lily said, head in her hands. "And... personal."

"You trust Connie," Ethan told her, leaning down a little bit so that he could make eye contact with her. "She's seen you at your worst, hasn't she? She's seen you crying and screaming because you've just wanted to feel normal, she's helped you get dressed when you were too weak to do so, she's held your hair back whilst you threw up chunks, and she's stayed up with you all night when you couldn't sleep."

"Threw up chunks?" Lily quoted and managed a slight giggle. "Did you have to use that expression?"

"Sorry." Ethan smiled back. "Go on. Go and have some girl talk with her, or... whatever it is that you call it. I guarantee that it'll make you feel better and she'll be able to make you an appointment."

Lily was silent.

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked her.

Lily locked eyes with him. "My patient has breast cancer."

Ethan sighed heavily and nodded his head, before pulling her in for another hug.

* * *

Connie was in the middle of some paperwork when she heard a knock on her office door. She sighed impatiently to herself, really not wanting to be disturbed but allowed them to come in anyway. She had to smile when she saw that it was Lily.

"Doctor Ch...Doctor Hardy rather," she quickly corrected herself, remembering that Lily and Ethan had recently got married.

Connie's smile was only brief though because of the tears that shone in the registrar's eyes.

"What's wrong?" She panicked.

She'd worried about Lily on more than one occasion lately, scared that she'd become ill again.

"I...I need to talk to you about something," Lily whispered, swallowing hard. "Ethan and I, we...we're trying for a baby."

"And that's bad news?" Connie questioned, trying to read Lily's facial expressions.

"We're... struggling..." Lily added in an even quieter voice. "Could you maybe book me an appointment to get myself checked out? In... in case there's a problem."

Connie fidgeted in her seat and chewed on her bottom lip.

"What?" Lily asked.

"Sit down, darling," Connie said gently, and Lily sat down in the chair opposite her desk. "You are aware about the side effects of Leukaemia, aren't you?" Connie asked. "I never explained it to you because, well, you're a doctor yourself, Lily. I thought you knew."

"Just don't say it," Lily whispered, as newly found tears filled her eyes.

"Lily," Connie sighed. "Infertility can be a side effect.

"Just stop it," she cried out. "Ethan told me that I should get checked out, but I ignored him. I didn't want it to be real."

"I'm really sorry, Lily," Connie said. "Come here, just..."

"Don't," Lily whispered, shaking her head. "Just don't say any more. Ethan and I both really want a baby."

"There's always adoption," Connie said gently.

"It isn't the same, though, is it?" Lily said and stood up from her chair. She sniffed and straightened out her clothes.

"Hey." Connie stood up with her and walked around to lean back against her desk. "Is there anything that I can do?"

Lily shook her head but held her arms out and gave Connie a hug. Connie looked quite taken aback but wrapped her arms around the young doctor anyway. The two of them stayed silent and Connie just allowed Lily to cry if she needed to.

"I'm here if you need me, okay?" Connie said.

"I just thought that things would get better," Lily said. "But I guess I was wrong."

"They will," Connie promised her. "You've already come such a long way. You're still young Lily and adoption may not be the same, but it is still there as an option."

"Yeah," Lily sighed, pulling away from the hug. "I know."

 **Not long to go until the story finishes x**


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty Three

Lily ran a hand through her hair and walked through the door of the staff room. Sudden tears stung her eyes but she just allowed them to roll down her cheeks, not even bothering to wipe them away. She shut the door gently behind her and glanced across at Alicia who was making herself a coffee but had suddenly stopped upon Lily's solemn entrance.

"Are you okay?" she questioned her. "Lily, what's wrong?"

Lily didn't answer her. Her tears continued to fall and she just slowly made her way over to the coffee table that stood in the centre of the room. She suddenly screamed and kicked the coffee table right over, causing a vase of flowers and a tin of biscuits to go flying.

Alicia flinched at the sound of the vase smashing and stood with her mouth hanging open, shocked at what Lily had just done. She expected it from Cal or even Louise, but never Lily.

Shouting at Lily to calm down or stop wouldn't help. Lily was clearly distressed and somebody shouting at her was the last thing that she needed.

"Lily, it's okay," she said gently and set her coffee down on the counter. "Whatever's wrong can be fixed," she added and rushed over, beginning to rub small circles up and down her back.

"No it can't," Lily sobbed, shaking her head at her colleague. "Nothing can fix this."

"Well, what's happened?" Alicia said softly. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

The door soon swung open and Connie and Zoe rushed in, obviously scared to see what that loud crash had been. Both of them were just as surprised when they saw the coffee table on its side, the broken glass, and a tear stained Lily standing before it all.

"Lily!" Zoe shouted, but Connie held a hand up to stop her from going any further.

"Just don't, Doctor Hanna," she said in a low voice. "Lily, why don't you go and get yourself cleaned up?"

"I'll go with her," Alicia offered kindly.

"Thank you," Connie said, stepping over a shard of broken glass.

Alicia wrapped an arm around Lily and guided her out of the staffroom and through reception. Both of them stayed completely silent until they reached the bathroom, where Alicia grabbed a handful of paper towels and handed them over to Lily so that she could give her face a wash.

"I've never seen you get like that before," Alicia joked lightly. "You've not had the best of times in the last few years and never have you ever kicked a piece of furniture over. Well, from what I've seen anyway."

"Just be quiet, okay?" Lily whispered, dabbing at the mascara that had run down her cheeks.

"I know I may not know you as well as everybody else," Alicia said, ignoring Lily. "And I still feel bad for taking over when you couldn't work. I didn't choose to stay on though Lily, Mrs Beauchamp asked me. It was only supposed to be a temporary placement until you got better."

Lily didn't respond.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that, well, it's been two years," Alicia sighed deeply. "I'd like us to be friends."

"We are friends," Lily replied in a small voice.

"Then tell me what's wrong," Alicia pushed, giving Lily's shoulder a comforting rub. "It can hardly be that bad, can it?"

"I can't have children," Lily said as quietly as she possibly could. "Ethan and I have been trying, and I spoke to Connie and she said that...That a side effect of Leukaemia is infertility. I always knew that but I just never thought that it would actually happen. I guess my views weren't realistic."

"I'm sure you...You can keep trying, though, right?" Alicia said.

"No." Lily shook her head and continued to dab at her face. "Well, we can but it will never happen."

"Well, what about adoption?" Alicia suggested the way Connie had done. "Lots of people are adopting these days. You could always go for surrogacy, there have to be loads of women willing to give their baby to a loving couple."

"It just won't be the same," Lily said, suddenly beginning to cry again. "It won't be our baby, will it?"

"That's not the only thing that matters!" Alicia stated. "It's about who's there for it when no one else is. It's about who brings it up and gives it a good home when no one else would. No one will even have to know that the kid is adopted..." Alicia paused and tucked a strand of Lily's hair behind her ear so that she could see her face better. "Because you and Ethan would be the parents, and you would be fantastic ones."

"I guess," Lily whispered and shrugged her shoulders.

"Does Ethan know?" Alicia asked.

"He has his suspicions," Lily mentioned. "He was the one who told me to talk to Mrs Beauchamp, but I haven't actually told him yet."

"You need to," Alicia stated. "Don't worry about it, yeah? You and Ethan will be parents one of these days, whether that be by adoption or not."

"Thank you," Lily said, managing a small smile through her tears.

Alicia smiled back and rubbed her shoulder, just as Connie walked into the bathroom. Lily was expecting her to start shouting but she never did, instead, she surprised her by giving her a comforting smile and walking over to hug her.

"Well, I'd take that," Alicia laughed. "It isn't every day that Mrs Beauchamp gives out hugs."

"Please stop talking, Doctor Munroe," Connie said, but she had been smiling when she said it. "Are you okay, Lily?" She asked, holding her at arms length. "Did you get all your anger and upset out on the table, hmm?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily apologised, running her hands down her face.

"Don't be," Connie said softly, shaking her head at her. "I probably should have checked that you were completely one hundred percent before you left my office. You're looking better than you were anyway, I guess tipping a table over really does help huh?"

"No," Lily laughed slightly. "Doctor Munroe talked to me."

"Did she now?" Connie glanced across at Alicia and folded her arms across her chest. "Well, I'm glad to hear it. If you've finished calming yourself down though Lily, I suggest that you go and speak to Ethan. As your husband, don't you think that he might be worrying or wondering if you're okay?"

"That's what I said," Alicia piped up.

"Don't worry," Lily reassured the Clinical Lead. "I'll speak to him."

* * *

Lily made sure that Ethan was alone before deciding to talk to him. She didn't really want the whole of the ED knowing her business and, to her, it was a personal subject. Alicia and Connie may have been aware of the situation but that was enough people for her.

"It's okay, Lils," Ethan comforted as soon as Lily had told him. "We could look into adoption. If you really want a baby, then... Then we'll do whatever we can to make sure that it happens." Ethan smiled. "Adoption isn't bad at all. Most people think that adoptive kids are hellraisers, but they're not. Cal and I were adopted, so..."

"You're the best," Lily said, smiling back at him. "You know that, right?"

"Well," Ethan chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. He cleared his throat, raised his eyebrows and nodded his head at her, saying self-depreciatingly: "I guess so."

"I love you," Lily said and wrapped her arms around him. "I just hate it so much."

"Hate what?" Ethan asked, allowing her to rant if she needed to.

"Everything," Lily whispered. "The fact that I was diagnosed, the fact that it's just changed my whole life. I may be better but nothing is ever going to be the same again."

"I know," Ethan said. "But you've come a long way and it is something that you'll never forget. Think of how much stronger you are now. I'm proud of you, everyone else is proud of you and you should be proud of you too."

Lily thanked him quietly and buried her face in his chest, as he gave her back a gentle rub.

"So Mrs Hardy, are we going to look into adoption?" Ethan asked out of nowhere. "Are we going to have a baby?"

"Yeah," Lily answered him, smiling into his top. "We're going to have a baby."


	34. Chapter 34

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: It is and let's hope not :-)**

 **Guest: I will definitely consider that idea. I do have some other story ideas though and don't want to be writing too many at once. I'll have a think though. I'm glad you like the story.**

Chapter Thirty Four

Lily was cutting up vegetables for dinner that night when Ethan walked into the kitchen. He smiled at the sight that stood before him, walked over and planted a loving kiss on her cheek. Lily giggled, shrugging her shoulders as he touched one of her ticklish spots.

"Dinner smells good," he said, sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Spaghetti Bolognaise," Lily told him. "That's okay, right?"

"Perfect," Ethan said. "You seem better anyway." Lily just faintly nodded and chuckled the chopped up bits of vegetables into the saucepan. "Are you?" Ethan asked.

"Am I what?" Lily questioned him.

"Better?" Ethan said.

"Yeah, loads," Lily said, a massive grin on her face. "After the discussion that we had earlier."

"I'm glad," Ethan said. "Why don't you come and take a seat? I can carry on with the dinner for a bit."

"I'm okay," Lily answered. "I quite like cooking. It gives me a distraction."

"A distraction?" Ethan frowned at her in confusion. "What do you need a distraction from?"

"Anything really." Lily shrugged her shoulders and began to stir the mixture around in the pan. "Work. Adoption stuff. Life."

"Okay number one," Ethan chuckled. "You enjoy work. Number two, we haven't even started looking into adoption stuff yet and number three, what do you mean when you say life?"

"I like being a doctor," Lily laughed. "But work can still be pretty stressful."

"Talk to me, Lily," Ethan said. "What's on your mind? We're married now, we can't keep stuff from each other. That isn't how a relationship works now, is it?" He gave her a comforting smile and she sighed and nodded her head in agreement.

"Nothing's wrong," Lily said. "Please don't worry."

"Okay?" Ethan raised an eyebrow at her. "Keep going."

Lily sighed heavily and sat down opposite Ethan, her chin resting in the palm of her hand. All was silent, apart from the sizzling noise of the pan but Ethan dared not speak. He just wanted Lily to be honest with him.

"I'm just scared," she eventually confessed. "What if we adopt a baby and then...And then I get ill again?"

"That isn't going to happen," Ethan reassured her.

"You don't know that," Lily said. "You know what could happen, Ethan. Sure, it may have gone away now but it could come back in the future. Ever since the first day I found out that I wasn't well, that has been the main thing on my mind. What if I get better and then what if it comes back?"

Ethan didn't know what to say to that.

"I can't have my child watching me go through so much treatment," Lily said. "It was hard enough for you, but my own child? It's going to be ten times worse, Ethan. I just think that adopting a baby would just seem selfish and that we'd be putting it through a lot."

"But say if we reach our sixties?" Ethan asked. "The cancer never returned and we're completely childless? Wouldn't you regret that so much? None of us know what the future holds Lily, I wish that we did but we don't. We can't say no to adoption just because we're scared that you could get ill again."

"I know," Lily whispered. "But I'd like to be able to tell our child everything that we've gone through together. When our child gets older, I'd like to tell them how there was a time where I thought I wouldn't make it."

"Me too," Ethan said. "They deserve to know how brave and strong their mum is, right?"

"Exactly," Lily said. "But what if I do get ill and our child knows that they're adopted and they know that I've been ill before? Won't they blame us and hate us?"

"We're going round in circles here, Lily," Ethan said. "I've just said that we can't not have a child because you may not even become ill again. It is your choice I suppose, but I thought that you really wanted a baby and..."

"I do," Lily whined.

"Then let's go for it," Ethan said. "Let's look at adoption and try and put your illness to the back of our mind. It's been two years and you've been fine so far, right?"

"Apart from being open to colds, and feeling tired easily," Lily yawned, holding a hand to her mouth. "Fine."

"Exactly," Ethan laughed, leaning across the table to kiss her on the lips.

"Suddenly the fire alarm started going off and smoke began to pour off of the saucepan. Ethan cursed under his breath and quickly turned the gas off, whilst Lily grabbed a tea towel and went to wave it at the alarm to try and stop it from ringing. The noise soon stopped and she headed back over to Ethan to look at the burnt mess that gathered in the bottom of the pan.

"Great," she spat sarcastically. "I can't even cook you a nice dinner."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Ethan laughed. "I wasn't watching it either."

"Well what do we do now?" Lily asked him. "We can't eat that. It'll taste awful."

"I'll tell you what we're going to do," Ethan said. "You are going to slip into your pyjamas, crack open a bottle of wine, and pick out a good film for us to watch. I'm going to throw this in the bin and order us a pizza."

"Sounds like the perfect night." Lily grinned at him. "I just wish I could have cooked you something."

"Hey, we have plenty of time for that," Ethan said. "You can always cook me something tomorrow."

"True," Lily said. "Well I'll go and get changed then. Thank you."

Ethan kissed her cheek and she headed upstairs to their room. He sighed and grimaced at the burnt half-cooked dinner before chucking it in the bin. Just as he did, his mobile started to ring. He glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was his brother.

"Hey Cal," he answered, pressing the phone against his ear. "What's up?"

"Hey Nibbles," he said. "The football is on tonight. Fancy watching it with me?"

"Nah, I'm good," Ethan replied. "Sorry. Lily and I are having a romantic night in."

"Again?" Cal asked. "I swear you had one of those not so long ago. We haven't had a night together in ages."

"We're grown men, Cal," Ethan laughed down the phone. "I'm married now. Come on..." His voice turned to a whisper so that Lily wouldn't hear him. "I almost lost Lily when she was ill. I'm married to her now and I want to spend as much time as possible with her."

"I get that," Cal sighed. "I just miss you, that's all."

"Well, I think there's an evening next week when Mrs Beauchamp has asked Lily to work," Ethan said. "And I won't be. How about the two of us go to the pub or something?"

"Just let me know what night," Cal said. "But that should be cool."

"I will do," Ethan said. "I promise that we will get a night together. Tonight just isn't the best time, Lily's been feeling a little delicate."

"What's wrong?" Cal panicked. "Is she okay?"

"No, she's fine," Ethan said. "It's just, we're looking at adopting a baby and she's worried that she could become ill again and..."

"A baby?" Cal asked. "Wow, you guys are pretty serious huh?"

"We're married," Ethan reminded him. "I think we became serious at pretty much the same time we got engaged. Look dude, I have to go now okay? I'll let you know about a night next week though."

"Sure thing," Cal said. "And keep me updated on this baby situation as well, yeah? I feel like you never tell me anything these days."

"Whatever bro," Ethan said. "See ya soon."

Ethan chuckled to himself and hung up, just as Lily arrived in the kitchen. She was wearing a cute pair of pink, spotty pyjamas that she'd been given during her time in hospital. She hadn't worn them for a while and Ethan had guessed that it brought back awful memories for her. However, Lily had always said how comfortable they'd felt.

"Who was on the phone?" She asked.

"Oh, just Cal," Ethan said. "He wanted me to go round and watch the football game with him tonight. I said no."

"You didn't have to do that," Lily said. "We could have done this another night."

"No, I wanted to spend tonight with you," Ethan said and playfully ruffled her hair. "So what film are we watching?"

"Marley and Me?" Lily suggested.

Ethan shot her a look of confusion and said, "I thought you hated dogs."

"I don't hate them, I'm allergic to them," Lily pointed out. "That doesn't mean I don't cry every time I watch this movie. Trust me, you'll love it."

"Oh I've seen it before," Ethan said. "And I love it. I do get a touch of hay fever when I watch it though."

"Yeah," Lily scoffed, knowing that Ethan's 'hay fever' was actually tears. "Of course you do."

"What pizza do you want?" Ethan asked, walking over and pulling a menu out of the top drawer of one of the kitchen counters. "I may be boring and go for a plain cheese."

"I'll have ham and pineapple," Lily said, walking over and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm really glad we're doing this, you know?" She said, breathing into his neck. "Maybe we should have just ordered pizza anyway instead of attempting to cook a bolognaise."

"Yeah," Ethan chuckled, nodding at her in agreement. "But listen to me here, I don't want you worrying that your illness could come back right? There's a high chance that it won't BUT if it does, then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And I'm always going to be here for you, okay?"

"Of course," Lily said. "You are literally the best husband ever Ethan, thank you."

"Come on, go and get comfy and I'll order the food," Ethan said.

Lily kissed him on the nose and placed a hand on his chest before making her way into the living room. Ethan smiled as he watched her leave, not quite believing how lucky he actually was.

 **The next chapter is probably going to be the last one guys. I'll try and get it up as soon as I can though x**


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty Five

Lily and Ethan didn't realise how long the adoption process would actually take.

But Both of them knew that the wait had been worth it when they were sat in their living room one evening with their newborn son. So what if Lily hadn't given birth to him, so what if it had been some stranger who felt that Lily and Ethan were the perfect couple to take care of her baby? It didn't matter to them because they were finally parents.

"Isn't he perfect?" Lily asked as she cradled him in her arms.

"Yeah and he's all ours," Ethan said and kissed her temple. "And think you didn't have to go through the pain of pregnancy and labour for him either."

He looked down at his son who slowly began to open his tired eyes. It wasn't long until wails filled the air though and the enjoyed silence was cut short.

"Here, I'll take him," Ethan offered and lifted him out of Lily's arms. "Hey Ben, what's the matter with you eh?"

"He might be hungry," Lily suggested, tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ears. "Shall I go and get a bottle for him?" Ethan faintly nodded and held Ben to his chest, as Lily headed into the kitchen. She came back and Ethan tried to feed the bottle to him, but he wasn't having any of it. "This is the worse part, huh?"

"Well, things do tend to be a little easier when he's asleep," Ethan chuckled and patted Ben on the back. "You look tired, Lily."

"I'm okay," Lily reassured. "I'm a mum now, Ethan. I don't have time to sleep during the day."

"But you still need to take care of your health," Ethan told her. "Come on, I don't want you to exhaust yourself. We're in this together Lils which means that I can take care of Ben for a little while whilst you sleep."

"Are you sure?" Lily whispered.

"I am positive," Ethan said. "I wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise. Go on, the boys will be fine by themselves."

"Thank you," Lily said.

She leant down and kissed Ben on the head before leaving to go upstairs. Ethan sighed and bounced Ben up and down in his arms, eventually managing to stop him from crying. Ben just nuzzled his face into Ethan's chest, clinging to his t-shirt with his small hands.

"Your mummy is incredibly brave, do you know that?" Ethan spoke in a gentle voice. "She's been through a lot and she just keeps getting stronger and stronger."

Ben gurgled as if to reply. Ethan laughed to himself, knowing in his heart that that was Ben's way of agreeing with him. He kissed him on the head and set the bottle of milk down on the coffee table before standing up with Ben in his arms.

"You have made us very happy, little man," he said to him. "You have no idea how much your mummy and I have wanted a child."

Ben had drifted off to sleep. Ethan cleared his throat quietly and carried him up the stairs to their bedroom. Lily was lying under the covers and it looked as if she'd fallen asleep already. Ethan smiled at his sleeping family and lay Ben down in the cot by the door, making sure that he was tucked in before planting a kiss on his cheek.

Walking over to the bed, he turned off the bedside lamp and perched on the edge to stroke at his wife's hair. She looked so peaceful and he wished that they could stay like that all day. He leant down and kissed her, and she immediately opened her eyes.

"What are you doing?" She groaned, gazing up at him with fuzzy eyes.

"Sorry," he apologised, resting his chin on her arm. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I was half awake anyway," she yawned. "I heard you putting Ben down. What ended up being wrong with him?"

"Nothing," Ethan chuckled. "I was talking to him and he fell asleep after a while. I didn't realise the sound of my own voice was so boring," he laughed and Lily gave him a playful slap on the arm. "Seriously, though, he probably just had a bad dream or something. He wasn't wet and he obviously didn't want to be fed. Babies just cry, we need to get used to that I think."

"What were you talking to him about?" Lily asked.

"You know, men stuff," Ethan smiled. "It seems stupid but I felt like he understood what I was saying."

"Well of course he did," Lily said. "He knows his daddy's voice."

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Ethan whispered, crawling over Lily's legs so that he could curl up beside her. "Are you happy?"

"Very," she answered with no hesitation at all. "I have everything that I've ever wanted, Ethan. A house, a wonderful husband, and a baby. What more could I want?" Ethan smiled and leant across to kiss her on the lips. "Do you think Ben will be a doctor when he's older?"

"He hasn't even had his first birthday yet, Lily," Ethan laughed. "Let's not think about his future and just enjoy his life as a baby."

"Sorry," Lily said. "I just like to think about these things, that's all." She rested her head against her chest and looked across the room at their sleeping child. "He's amazing, isn't he? He might not be ours but he's everything to me."

"But he is ours," Ethan said, placing an arm around her shoulder to hold her close. "We're his parents now. We're parents to a beautiful baby boy."

Lily nodded against his chest, a huge grin spreading across her face. She draped her arm across his stomach and closed her eyes. Ethan kissed the back of her hand and scanned the room, examining the cards that stood on the windowsill. The majority of them were congratulating them on the new member of the family, but some were from years ago when Lily was going through chemotherapy. Ethan quite liked the fact that she'd kept her old get well cards, it showed how far she had come.

The biggest card that stood right in the centre had been from Connie. The Clinical Lead had written a lovely, long message inside and she'd signed it from 'Ben's Godmother.' She was the perfect choice, of course, she'd been there for Lily through everything. They had so much to thank her for. She'd been there when Lily's own mum hadn't.

On the chair sat the teddy bear that the staff of the ED had given her and Ethan knew that even though Lily was way too old for cuddly toys, that she would keep that and maybe even give it to Ben one of these days.

There was a time where he was convinced that he was going to lose Lily. He'd go to bed crying, scared that she would pass away in the night, and he'd be constantly missing shifts so that he could stay by her hospital bed. It had been a difficult time for everyone, especially Lily. She was better now though and they were married with a baby.

It just showed that if they continued to hold on and stay strong, things would always turn out right in the end.

 **Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed and favourited this story. I have really enjoyed writing it and feel as if it is definitely one of my best. I wanted to try and write 50,000 words but unfortunately I didn't quite make that. It doesn't matter though, I'm just glad that I've finished the story :-) x**


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